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This is a topic from the Penguin Board Games forum on inthe00s.
Subject: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/17/03 at 05:24 p.m.
hehehe...and you thought it would be over...
Well Wombert was quite upset that her future spouse had been turned into a female, and not in the least bit willing to be lesbian, she sought after the Mystic to transform him back.
Meanwhile the Queen was quite upset because she couldn't remember the funny inside joke she was supposed to put on the story. She thought and thought and thought, yet it had lost her. In fact she was losing everything it seemed. Soon she lost her money and even her clothes (ew!), all because she was losing her mind. She wandered the streets begging, "Oh please have pity on me! I am a poor woman with nothing to wear but a towel." Of course many men were awestruck, but did not pursue her for fear that the Mystic would turn them into shrubbery.
Finally an old woman, disgusted by the Queen's "outfit" gave her money to buy some clothes!
So as the Queen walked around to find a good clothing store, she came upon the mysterious VS store. "I already HAVE underwear," she thought to herself, and tried to resist, but a voice was calling out to her.
"Oh QUEEEEEEN....I already have my new Spring wardrobe in stock." (The Queen grimaced her teeth.) "Look at all the beautiful flower designs. And look...you can even get a bra with duckies on it!" The Queen couldn't take it any more!
But as soon as she stepped inside, she was immediately transported to the Mysterious Land of Amnesia, where the Mystic was there awaiting her arrival. She was plotting wicked wicked tricks to play on the Queen (and Wombert.)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 01/17/03 at 05:32 p.m.
Thou queen hast forgotten that the Mystic waiteth upon the Raccoon's arrival before her connivings materialize...
For starters, she shall treat them to a feast fit for royalty...(seeing as one supposeth that she is...), and after they have filled themselves, send them on their way, as one unwittingly carrieth in her personal bags the FORBIDDEN VIDEO TAPE...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: wombert on 01/17/03 at 05:51 p.m.
The feast was tempting, but Wombert was on a diet. Or at least, she was supposed to be. And she was also a bit too upset about the transformation of her significant other to actually eat anything.
"Gimme back my man!" she cried.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 01/17/03 at 07:33 p.m.
The Raccoon just sat back as the whole thing went right over her head...
http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:U4nDI7NZAyIC:www.papabearsnorthwoods.com/images/Cracker-Jacks-raccoon-eating-cracker-jacks-taxidermy.jpg
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 01/17/03 at 08:41 p.m.
Then, Racoon Gurl was approached by Beaver Gurl. "Hello", said Racoon Gurl. "Do you like redwood or sweetgum trees?" "I'm off the sweetgum." answered Beaver Gurl. "Now I'm on a diet of twigs and branches. Bleech!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/18/03 at 03:55 p.m.
Suddenly a large rodent appeared. It was Bluto, who had been transformed by the Mystic. She was extremely upset by the fact that she couldn't put a picture on her profile. Perhaps because she wasn't logged in?....
Anyway, she was so mad that she transformed the first thing she saw into a rat. Why Bluto was there is a whole new story.... :o
Our main characters of the story were in the library for some reason. So was the home-schooled academic team, who were terrified when the rat ran by their table. "AAAAAUUUUGHHHHHH!!!!!!" they screamed in girlish voices. The Jewish kid slightly squashed the rat, severely injurying it and himself.
Of course the Queen was QUITE upset that Bluto was hurt, and was willing to do anything to punish this evil lover of flags. Wombert set up a court date, and CrazyRacconGurl was the judge in this case of trying the Jewish home-school kid with attempted murder with......
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000JD5S.01.MZZZZZZZ.jpg
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 01/21/03 at 06:41 p.m.
The Raccoon didn't care one way or the other as long as she didnt have to eat the blueberry jello... :-X
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 01/21/03 at 08:34 p.m.
The "home-school Jewish kid," however, wast aquitted; it appeareth to be that the Queen hath given conflicting testimony on the witness stand, thus creating reasonable doubt. The Queen wast further frustrated by the fact that the jury consisted of those certain individuals, none other than...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 01/21/03 at 08:44 p.m.
Alan Shapiro, Roseanne and Tom Arnold, Adam Sandler, Sammy Davis Jr., and all Three Stooges. (Nyuk, nyuk!)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/22/03 at 02:24 p.m.
The Queen spit. :P "ACK!"
"HAHA!" laughed Indy Gent, thinking her display of saliva was because of the new characters of the story. But in actuality, it was the glue from her new permanent retainer that made her gag. Well, this made all the story board members laugh even more, but the Queen used an eggbeater.....a car battery.......and a bowl... of blueberry jello.......to create a plutonium bomb to destroy them all.
Unfortunately, the characters created by Indy Gent remained, worst of all Sammy Davis Jr. from Sweet Charity. He sang terrible songs of the rhythm of life. He also sang songs of Mary Jane...
As if things weren't bad enough, Mr. Rogers popped out of Queen's brand new T-shirt and came to life. Mr. Rogers himself had changed with the times, and sang his own theme song hip-hop style. Unfortunately, he changed some of the words, greatly offending the Queen and all her peeps...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 01/22/03 at 09:38 p.m.
The Queen, totally oblivious to the Jewry of Indy Gent's "characters", somehow got her mouth shut together by the glue she spat out. "This, indeed, was God's punishment for the Queen's latent anti-Jewish stand.", cried Mr. Rogers, as King Friday and Lady Elaine followed him to Jerry Seinfeld's apartment for a little whine session.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/23/03 at 05:32 p.m.
Meanwhile another Jew stopped by the house of Seinfeld. He was about to get onto them for drinking fermented whine, but they all tried to pass it off by saying that they were observing the Lord's Supper.
"Ah, I see," said Jesus. "So you have all converted to Christianity?"
"No," replied Curly the Stooge, ruining the party for everyone.
"I DIDN'T THINK SO!" shouted the Lord. He sent every one of them to stand in the DOWN elevator. Then Larry whispered, "Gee, it sure is crowded in here..."
"Oh, is that so?" Jesus said, overhearing Larry's comment. "Well then I guess I'll just drop you off....and DOWN YOU GO!" And he pushed the button.
Meanwhile, he needed to have a talk with the Queen about converting the Jews instead of attacking.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/23/03 at 05:33 p.m.
Cyclops the Anteater decided to interrupt their chat for a moment to beat a dead joke to an even bloodier death, and then waltzed away...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/24/03 at 08:27 a.m.
...As Cyclops limped away Kyle Brovloski entered with a dreidel and started playing and singing The Dreidel Song. This caused Lady Elaine to begin a very convulsing form of dance...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 01/24/03 at 09:21 p.m.
with little kicks, thumb jabbing, and violent thrusts. Lady Elaine was quickly panned by the Queen and Kramer, who decided to go make a bootleg video tape of "Gonads: The Scrotus Horror", which was playing at the Cineplex Odiferous.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/25/03 at 02:04 p.m.
Well, the Queen soon got fed up with this nastiness. She was about to call the Mystic to see if Indy Geny and DJ Midas could withstand her crystal electric chair. But then she got to thinking about that talk she'd had. "Convert.......muahahahaha!!!!! Yeah, I'll convert them all right!"
Suddenly she transformed into Doctor Ruth, and converted Indy Gent and DJ Midas into eunuchs. She ran off laughing wickedly, as they both shrieked, "COME BACK HERE! YOU SCROTUS WH*RE!!!!!"
And just for kicks, she decided to convert Cyclops to a helmet.
" :-[ :-X :'( ," said Cyclops.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 01/25/03 at 10:30 p.m.
But as with all of her spells, it backfired on the Queen. As she instead turned into Dr. Laura and Indy Gent and DJ Midas became horny Casanovas. As Indy Gent was doing the nasty on the Queen, the Mystic walked in and Midas started to bed her down too. Dude walked in medias and squeaked, "Are you guys supposed to be gay?" Then the two tied Dude to the Queen's royal throne and Cyclops had his way with him.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/26/03 at 12:55 a.m.
Rice Cube walked into the room, took a double-take, wondered what Indy had been smoking, then carefully and quickly backed out of the room again...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/27/03 at 09:23 a.m.
...The only thing DJ Midas could think of, as there is usually a song stuck in his head, was Van Morrison's "Into The Mystic."... ;D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/28/03 at 09:31 a.m.
...and so Midas kept waiting. And waiting. AND WAITING...
Finally, by the time he stopped waiting, "Mystify" by INXS was playing in his head...
...Along came an anteater on a tricycle. From far away it looked like either a dolphin or the cartoon character JabberJaw was approaching, but alas, it was an anteater. He parked his trike and came over to the group and said...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/28/03 at 09:35 a.m.
..."Would you stroke me? Would you pet me? Would you make my fur stand on end? Would you follow me to the bend?"
Then the anteater, being shunned, wheeled away to find someone who would comply...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/29/03 at 09:19 a.m.
And DJ Midas waited. and waited. AND waited...
It was almost as if the Mystic was never there. Then a Cake song ran through his head, which made him think about cake. Suddenly, arriving with a milk and cookies cake, was none other than the Iron Chef Champion Iron Chef Chen! :D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/29/03 at 04:24 p.m.
Ok, guys, this is getting bad. I'm sorry for even mentioning the fdeirudjf anteater in the first place
DJ Midas was about to chow down on his precious snack. But suddenly the Mystic returned, to practice her duet with the Queen. " >:( " said DJ Midas. But he managed to escape the threat of starvation and went to his hotel room and put a sign on the door which said "No Moleste!"
Speaking of "moleste" the Queen was QUITE furious with Indy Gent's posts. So she took him to court. However, the judge was too young to comprehend any of Indy Gen'ts crimes, so she just played with the Rubix Cube. So the Mystic gave her sentence: "IG is to be convicted on child molestation/porn charges, and sentenced to life in a max. sec. prison w/life-no parole, with, of course, like prisoners, who are much bigger, stronger, and more sexually frustrated than he is..."
Well, ya can't argue with the authority of the Mystic, and ESPECIALLY not with the Queen, so IG was indeed imprisoned. He figured maybe there was a chance of getting out if he repented; sadly the prison chaplain was a Catholic Priest..... " :o" said Indy Gent.
As for Rice Cube's anteater...the Queen and the Mystic sang continually until it shriveled up and died of starvation.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/29/03 at 04:43 p.m.
But the poor Queen and her loopy sisters had miscalculated,
Their characters sang too much and be it ill-fated!
For instead of shrinking to the size of a spore,
Rice Cube's anteater increased three sizes more!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/29/03 at 04:48 p.m.
All before it exploded and disappeared forever.
Luckily for Rice Cube, he was now eligible to try out for the Vienna Boys Choir. Besides, he was Oriental-if he stood in the back, nobody could tell the difference. ;D
Sorry, buddy
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/29/03 at 04:52 p.m.
Rice Cube pondered whether or not to make fun of the State of Oklahoma and talk about Hooker and Beaver...then he noticed that his anteater hadn't exploded, but was really quite well. In fact, it was fairly excited to see that the Queen cared so much about the anteater that it started to walk up to the Queen and circle around her leg, offering a meal of ants as a ritual gift.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/29/03 at 05:00 p.m.
But as he looked up, he realized it was the wrong Queen. This wasn't Queen of Scots. It was Bloody Mary, the Queen Dreaded by All Men.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/29/03 at 05:04 p.m.
Dreaded by all men because she had a face so puggly
She gives a new meaning to the word called "ugly"
With pores the size of the Caspian Sea
And whiskers that split into threes
Hair caked with mud and grime
Must wear a blindfold next time! :o
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/29/03 at 05:13 p.m.
Furious that she had to explain her own joke to a certain sister of hers, the Queen of Scots decided to reveal the reason just why this hideous Queen was called "bloody" Mary...........
And now everybody knows
" :-[ :-[ :-[ :-X :P" said all the board members.
Not even touching the garments of the Good Jew Jesus would heal this vile creature.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/29/03 at 05:14 p.m.
But the 80s Cheerleader had a plan...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/29/03 at 05:16 p.m.
Because the 80s Cheerleader was young at heart and a cool mother, and did not fear the bloodiness of this Mary...
Rice Cube dared not ask why Mary was bloody in the first place, for this was possibly one of those girls-only things...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/29/03 at 05:20 p.m.
The 80s cheerleader sauntered up to Queen Bloody Mary and said (in her best motherly tone) "You bring Queen AmenRa back"
Bloody Mary was awestruck at the cheerleader's request. She asked "Why should I do what you say?"
The cheerleader replied "Because I said so!"
Noone had ever stood up to Bloody Mary like this before. Just as she was about to refuse, the cheerleader did a toe touch and kicked her in the face...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/29/03 at 05:22 p.m.
Rice Cube instantly thought about that Miller Lite commercial where the two impossibly-endowed women were catfighting about whether the beer was good because of its great taste, or because it was less filling...his anteater, still running circles around the Queen's leg, was getting antsy because the women were about to fight...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/29/03 at 05:25 p.m.
But soon the anteater was doused with blood, and immediately became un-aroused.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/29/03 at 05:28 p.m.
Bloody Mary had been defeated!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/29/03 at 05:28 p.m.
The anteater decided that it liked 80s cheerleader more, and 80s cheerleader petted the anteater until the anteater was happy, and then they summoned the power of the Zords to create the Ultra-Mega-Zord, who with the Blazing Sword, destroyed the threat of Bloody Mary once and for all!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/29/03 at 05:54 p.m.
80s cheerleader's karma was so messed up by this involvement in slaying Bloody Mary that she was temporarily exiled to the "Land of those who are disconnected" She tried in vain to reconnect, but alas, her connection portal was Microsoft. So, in true cheerleader fashion, she tried a cheer...
"R-E-B-O-O-T!" As always, it worked. Her connection portal was back online ;D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/29/03 at 05:55 p.m.
Rice Cube e-mailed the 80s cheerleader some extra strength karma (TM) so that she may never have to view the evil blue screen of death ever again!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/29/03 at 06:01 p.m.
The cheerleader received the gift from Rice Cube, but alas, her portal was moving slowly again and she was afraid that it would take more than karma to get it going again.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/29/03 at 07:56 p.m.
80s cheerleader was again banished. This time, however, it would take much more than her amazing cheering skills to be admitted once again to the "Land of the Connected." She picked up her mighty megaphone and summoned the powers that be. A new signal was sent, which would prevent the future banishment...until next time...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 01/29/03 at 08:37 p.m.
And 80s cheerleader was greeted by 90s cheerleader, who wore a barely visable thong bikini. Both decided to form a wrestling tag team. They became a hit on GLOW and the WWE.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/29/03 at 08:45 p.m.
however, much to Indy Gent's dismay, 80s cheerleader had a clause in her contract that she would only wear an approved cheerleading uniform, with bloomers underneath. Nonetheless, they were a sight to see...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/30/03 at 06:05 a.m.
After a long fruitful slumber, DJ Midas returned to the scene to check out 80's cheerleader's signature moves...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/30/03 at 08:45 a.m.
Which were quite scary indeed. But then 80s cheerleader pulled off her mask to reveal her true self: Richard Simmons.
He/she then ran around screaming "I'M A PONY!" And Rice Cube evolved into Richard's best "friend," Binky the Clown.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/30/03 at 09:35 a.m.
Holy crap! Richard Simmons was not really what he appeared to be...he was Richard Selleck, Tom Selleck's evil twin, with an evil goofier porn stache!
And Binky the Clown started talking about Yappie's Dog Treats....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/30/03 at 09:53 a.m.
Richard then performed a signature toe-touch and booted the Queen in the head. She was knocked unconscious, thus breaking the spell and 80s cheerleader and Rice Cube changed back to there former selves. Chef Chen arrived on the scene with cookies and milk canolies and 80s, Rice and DJ shared a delightful dessert...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/30/03 at 01:32 p.m.
But, Chef Chen was not who he appeared to be either. He was actually a vicious lurker, who did not like most of the members of Penguin land. While 80s, Rice & DJ thought the desserts were most tasty, they did not know that they were spiked with a virus, that would crash their connection portals as soon as they tried to use them...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/30/03 at 01:39 p.m.
Thankfully, Chucky Penguin was able to restore Penguin Land to its former glorious speeds, and all the Penguins in the land rejoiced!
Then they went tobogganing as only penguins could :)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/30/03 at 01:40 p.m.
...but 3 hours later 80s cheerleader decided to give the lurker a toe-touch "reboot" and knocked him into the middle of next week, thus restoring connection and wounding the virus...for now...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/30/03 at 02:18 p.m.
Things were good in the land of the penguins...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/30/03 at 02:54 p.m.
Yes indeed. DJ was thinking, "Now if we could only get the missing piece of the transponder from the other queen then Mark could send us some pizza and beer..."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/30/03 at 03:12 p.m.
The only problem was that Chinese people didn't know the difference between Bobo and Binky. And all the penguins disappeared.
Now the Queen looked around at all the board members left. She was very pleased that Indy Gent was incarcerated, and all his postings were just the ramblings of a sexually disturbed prisoner.
The only problem was that the BOO-YAH sisterhood was breaking up due to the pervertedness of the board members. " :-/" she thought, "Maybe I should bring back some favorite characters."
So she had the Mystic of Singcratia use her Ancient Sphere of Time and Wisdom to bring the 2 back.
Somehow she had also summoned Kirk's pig who had escaped from Albuquerque.
And Bluto was experiencing the joy of new never-before-seen e-mail features.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/30/03 at 03:19 p.m.
The cheerleader liked that thought, except for the beer, she would prefer a nice stiff vodka/cranberry lemonade. She hoped the others would join them for their party.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/30/03 at 03:21 p.m.
But the Mystic kicked 80s cheerleader out for lacking syntax and talking like a Russian.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/30/03 at 03:22 p.m.
So 80s cheerleader went to the first story to better understand the significance of Bluto & Kirk.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/30/03 at 03:38 p.m.
What the Queen failed to realize is that in Penguin Land, the Penguin citizens are blessed with a wacky and unique brand of humor...perhaps the Penguins will have to help her find her niche in this great place!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/30/03 at 03:52 p.m.
But what RICE CUBE failed to realize was that this was Holy Penguin Land. Jesus Penguin accused Rice Cube of blaspheming, so the Mystic sentenced Rice Cube to life in prison with no parole. Of course, he just happened to be paired up with the sexually frustrated Indy Gent.
And there was much rejoicing. The penguins jumped up and down and sang "Hall-ay Hall-ay Hall-ay............ L0000000-YAH!" Jesus Penguin accused them of having bad spelling and the Mystic sentenced them to school.
Which wouldn't have been so bad except that Eddie of the school newspaper was the spelling teacher....
(Dang it! You guys won't get that.....oh well....)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/30/03 at 03:58 p.m.
But wait! Santa Penguin has just arrived and is about to settle a score with Jesus Penguin! Stan Penguin, Kyle Penguin, and Cartman Penguin were shocked and dismayed that Jesus Penguin and Santa Penguin, in their fierce combat, had killed their friend Kenny Penguin...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/30/03 at 04:02 p.m.
The Good Jew Jesus looked down and was sad that the Father had created the Chinese to be amused only by repeating scenes from crummy cartoons.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 01/30/03 at 04:04 p.m.
Meanwhile, Al Sharpton Penguin, Jesse Jackson Penguin and Al Roker Penguin (for whatever reason) joined forces with Johnnie Cochrane Penguin to protest the Queen's statements and make her take some sensitivity training.
Jackie Chan Penguin and Jet Li Penguin stood at the ready, ready to lead a pack of Bruce Lee Penguins into battle...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Jessica on 01/30/03 at 04:17 p.m.
Without warning, Satan penguin pops out of nowhere with his minions and decides to battle with the so called Jesus penguin for control of the universe.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Steve_H on 01/30/03 at 04:25 p.m.
The Smoking Devil and his nicotine addicted minions informed Satan penguin that they are at his/her service...http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/cool/cool014.gif
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: wombert on 01/30/03 at 05:19 p.m.
Meanwhile, Wombert snatched another baby penguin to feed to her cat, who was still growing quite rapidly. Soon she would need to switch to seal pups, or perhaps walruses...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 01/30/03 at 05:24 p.m.
Thou penguins wouldst do well to remember from Volume One that the devil is none other than a certain Rob Schneider, which person consisteth of multiple animal parts, and chaseth his tale half the time, and therefore poseth no real threat to the more virtuous members of the penguin-dwelling.
Moreover, the Mystic doth thank the Queen for her intervention in the story before Brian Boitano appeared on the scene and most certainly wouldst have turned the narration in a most undesirable and redundant direction. However, the return of the never-ending, and irrelevant love-triangle hath stalled the motion of the story, and thus the purpose is defeated...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: wombert on 01/30/03 at 05:35 p.m.
'cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
Meanwhile, Wombert was exploring an icy cave in search of the infamous Mr. Walrus...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 01/30/03 at 07:05 p.m.
But Mr. Wombert, while on his quest for the walrus, found 80s cheerleader, almost frozen, in the icy cave. She said to him, in a way only a cheerleader can...
"Please tell the Queen that I apologize,
The previous thread is too long for my eyes...
I suppose, A new trek, I must begin
I will go to the land where all can fit in
A land so new, so fun, so free
Anyone who wants can come follow me
There are no rules, no points, no winner
Just penguins who enjoy a drink with their dinner"
With that, she did a line of backflips, out of the cave, to the "Land of Misfit Penguins"...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 01/31/03 at 06:42 a.m.
...And DJ followed, picking up a few pizzas and drinks on the way over to LOMP....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Crazy Don on 01/31/03 at 06:47 a.m.
And Crazy Don, who never really figured in this story anyway, and was hit upon by a 70's cheerleader and had a niece who was a 90's cheerleader, gladly followed the 80's cheerleader to the Land of Misfit Penguins…
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Ripp on 01/31/03 at 09:27 a.m.
The Queen Approched the door of her castle and Saw ripp there, Dressed in fine silver velvet.
"Hello There," squeaked the queen, her being thoueth not as rich and beautiful as Ripp.
"Heretations," said Ripp, "heretations means Hello or good morn or fine day, is not? its a rich saying."
The queen trembled of who behind Ripp :o :( ...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/31/03 at 05:29 p.m.
...was her sister the Mystic, come to send Ripp to the dark caves of Rob Schneider, for dissing this Scottish Queen. Then the 3 sisters all thought of what they could do to 80s cheerleader for calling Wombert "Mr." Surely it couldn't be the strange Indian, for he was not yet joined together with Wombert in holy matrimony.
Wombert pulled the mask off 80s cheerleader to reveal a very tall and very thin teacher from Fletcher, who thought himself to resemble Tom Cruise. The Mystic sentenced him to the land of Rob Schneider for calling everyone (including females) "sir."
Then all 4 sisters sat back to watch TV.
"I need to go on a diet," said the Queen. Then CrazyRaccoonGurl turned on the TV, which displayed a commercial: "Do YOU need to go on a diet?"
"How come my TV always knows what we're thinking?" asked the Mystic, since it was the one question she had no answer to.
So she changed the channel. Sadly, it was another commercial, with a very scary character from the previous story appeared. And as a continuation of the Sy Greenblum joke:
"I'm speaking on......behalf......of Liberty......Medical..........Check your.......blood sugar.......Check it.....often."
The Mystic was horrified! This Russian was surely talking to HER!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 01/31/03 at 07:28 p.m.
"Nicht wieder," mumbleth the Mystic in a slightly heightened state of agitation, as she stalketh off to her chambers, and fumbleth about in the uncharacteristically unsightly clutter for her "trusty" blood-glucose moniter...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 01/31/03 at 08:16 p.m.
She pricked her finger. Three drops of blood fell in the snow. Yet her illegitimate daughter was the only one to survive: MysticofSingCratia #2
She was madly in love with a German prince who went by the name of Nick Welder.
However the Queen Bloody Mary was back, who asked her servant to take her heart. "Oh that's disGUSTING!" the woodsman proclaimed.
This caused all 4 sisters to stop for a moment and ponder whether or not they wanted yet ANOTHER family member in the story.............nah..............for brothers are no more and they surely would bring about dreaded tales of Lord of the Rings.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 01/31/03 at 10:50 p.m.
With Satan penguin and his follower penguins destroyed, (Who needs to know how? He is already a defeated foe ;)), the Mystic took a much needed powder.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/01/03 at 10:31 a.m.
Which helped her once again to overcome her hypoglycemia.
Once her health was completely restored, she mocked the Queen for going on a diet, despite the Queen's most reasonable argument: "Better to be fat than flat! ;D"
Hmm.....maybe that's why the Mystic never seemed to get a man.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Ripp on 02/03/03 at 09:20 a.m.
Ripp Jumped inside and brought half of her WHOLE money savings for the Scots queen.
"Heres to being a good fellow person," said She.
"Heretations," said she.
The queen was offered 5 little Yhesters (little sweets to kill your worst enimies) and The queen of scots was :o to see them.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 02/05/03 at 01:48 p.m.
What ho! (no not the Queen! ;)) CrazyRaccoonGurl had come back from her incredibly LOOOONG vacation from the message board. The Raccoon chased the Queen around calling out fat jokes and made the Queen cry. :'( BUT, all this running had made the queen lose 10 lbs.
"I'm SKINNY!!" the Queen yelled.
"Those are two words I never thought I'd hear out of her," the Raccoon thought. ;D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/05/03 at 05:10 p.m.
Yes, but does this mean the Queen has to scrap her wardrobe, lest she have to go with the "baggy" look? ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/07/03 at 12:46 a.m.
Not exactly, because now she could wear all those little baby tees again, which flattered both her chest AND stomach.
Meanwhile the Queen was getting SICK AND TIRED of having to explain that what seemed to be racial remarks made by herself and her sister, were merely just inside jokes that nobody was supposed to understand, lest the whole mysteriousness of it all be ruined.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/08/03 at 05:09 p.m.
The Queen was also confused about her country of origin, where she was Swedish, Norwegian, or Nazi, I mean Danish. ;D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/08/03 at 08:47 p.m.
For the Queen "Mother" was Swedish. But 'twas not wise to claim that side of the family. However, she wouldn't mind being Norwegian, for it could mean that she was possibly related to the greatest classical composer of all time: Edvard Grieg
Nevertheless, she chose to stick with her Scottish heritage.
"Tha mi a' fuireach ann Alba!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/08/03 at 10:47 p.m.
"I dunno", said Rice Cube. "Your mother sounds like she's trying to sneak some German into her Scottish".
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/08/03 at 10:49 p.m.
Quoting:
"I dunno", said Rice Cube. "Your mother sounds like she's trying to sneak some German into her Scottish".
End Quote
I love how Indy Gent is using me as a ventriloquist's dummy :D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/08/03 at 10:57 p.m.
Having admired IG's use of him as a ventriloquist's dummy, Rice Cube discovered he was in the wrong thread. :o
Quoting:
I love how Indy Gent is using me as a ventriloquist's dummy :D
End Quote
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Crazy Don on 02/09/03 at 06:43 a.m.
Crazy Don steps in for a moment to declare that he is part Scot since his mother had the maiden name of Kirk, which is Scottish for "church"…
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/09/03 at 09:45 p.m.
Then Crazy Don spilled out that he alos had mixed Vulcan, Romulan, Cardassian, and Borg blood. That's when Captain Picard zapped him with his super-sized phaser. "Resistance was futile. That guy was a pychopath.", proclaimed Captain Picard.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/10/03 at 03:17 p.m.
Meanwhile the Queen came to explain that the quote in her former post was that of herself speaking Gaelic.
She also expressed her interest in the heritage of Crazy Don. She certainly liked the name Kirk...for obvious reasons... ;D
Bad news: Crazy Don thought Queen was making a pass at him
Good news: Captain Picard did away with him before he had a chance to do anything creepy
So the Queen was enjoying her daily walk, when she caught CrazyRaccoonGurl talking to a koala bear.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/10/03 at 10:00 p.m.
The Queen wasn't too fond of the roots of Kirk, namely actress Sally Kirkland, the residence of Kirkersville, Ohio; and comic Steve Odekirk, the 'brains' behind the painfully unfunny "Kung Pow (Enter The Fist)".
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/11/03 at 03:31 p.m.
So the Queen shouted 5 simples words before leaving the land of the Kirks,
"THAT'S A LOT OF NUTS!!!"
The Queen was all alone in the parlour of her palace when who should arrive but...Rusell Crowe? AGAIN? Ah...you shouldn't have...
Rusell Crowe offered the Queen a bouquet of roses. (ahh....)
But then, naturally, Bluto walked up and offered the Queen a bouquet of wild flowers and some chocolates.
The Mystic, angry that she didn't get anything for Valentine's day, cast a spell.
Down, down, down wilted the flowers. "Oh, no!" shouted RC. "What are we going to do?" Bluto tried to make things better by injecting viagra into the plants. Unfortunately for everybody, the viagra made things much worse...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Crazy Don on 02/11/03 at 04:34 p.m.
Crazy Don wants QueenAmenRa to know that he is not making a pass at her or her three sisters; that Speedo Boy is Crazy Don's 13-year-old alter ego; and in reality, QueenAmenRa and her three sisters would more likely be daughters of Crazy Don since if he were to date her, he would be accused of robbing the cradle! (Speedo Boy is a picture over 30 years old!)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/12/03 at 03:06 p.m.
Meanwhile, QueenAmenRa was awakening from the deep sleep she had fallen in while reading Crazy Don's post.
But soon her eyes widened, when she discovered that her whole palace was surrounded with flowers. She thought it looked beautiful, until she saw Bluto lying on the floor, gasping for breath.
"Curse these flowers!" shouted Russell Crowe. "Instead of giving off oxygen, these plants are releasing viagra into the air....and Bluto is ALLERGIC!"
The Queen had to find a way to save him. Would the Mystic even bother to help? :'(
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 02/12/03 at 04:59 p.m.
Much to the dismay of the wise and practical Mystic, Bluto was in no real danger, seeing that he is not resourceful enough to secure real viagra medications. Instead, he hath managed to swipe a placebo being given to the control group in a study. As soon as he cometh to his senses to realize his mistake, he shall be fine.
In the meantime, an older gentlemen, hearing of the mysteriously potent plants, approacheth the scene. "I am Bob Dole, a spokesman for viagra; I am here to study the potential aid to humans from these plants." However, the Mystic percieveth him to be an imposter, and with pleasure, announceth to him the bad news... "I am sorry for your inconvenience sir, for you have surely come a long way; however, these plants do not contain the most desired and coveted drug. They will not help you."
"What? These AREN'T Viagra flowers?"
"In short...no."
"SON OF A B****!" exclaimeth Gilbert as he angrily removeth his pathetic disguise...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/13/03 at 03:58 p.m.
Then Bin Laden showed up and tried to discuss strategies with his son Gilbert.
"TERRORISM?!!! I THOUGHT WE WERE INTO TOURISM!!! SON OF A B*TCH!!!!
Fortunately, the Mystic was able to transform Gilbert into the parrot from Aladdin, and Bin Laden just went straight to h-e-double toothpicks.
And everyone else felt like the happiest person in life.
Except for the flowers, who were quite upset to find out that they had been tricked into believing that they were viagra plants.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/13/03 at 10:06 p.m.
The Queen then had "A Fellow Penguin" and Berana beheaded for trespassing on Palace grounds. Everyone just laughed. :D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/14/03 at 01:30 p.m.
ShellyGal was thrilled in her debasement of the beheaded guests, then went back to the Royal ballroom with Bluto and Kirk.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Zella on 02/14/03 at 01:34 p.m.
I thought Indy Gent was incarcerated with Rice Cube and the Raging Anteaters of Thor...? :D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/14/03 at 01:43 p.m.
We escaped, because they don't believe in the existance of Scandanavian Gods of Thunder. :P
Quoting:
I thought Indy Gent was incarcerated with Rice Cube and the Raging Anteaters of Thor...? :D
End Quote
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Zella on 02/14/03 at 02:04 p.m.
When Freya, Loki and Woden heard of Indy and Rice's escape, they began to construct a sinister plot of revenge...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/14/03 at 03:25 p.m.
Zella, pay no attention to that man behind closed bars. All you are hearing is the ramblings of a deranged incarcerated maniac.
Yet the Queen thanked him for his cruelty to A Fellow Penguin and Barana after they stuck their feet in their mouths. Because although the thread was entitled "MY Story," it had nothing at all to do with the autobiography of the Queen. It was, in fact, a place for all to join in writing a story, full of wonderful and brilliant inside jokes from the Four Sisters. Obviously, NOT something that could be accomplished by using a journal or diary. (Allow her royal majesty to just say in her most retarded way......NEEEEEE!) So before the bodies of idiots were buried, the Queen cursed them with the name of "Juh-NEE-NUH" and left to go to the ball.
However she found there, ShellyGal dancing with her two most favorite men in the whole wide world. Then he saw Kirk pick up his cell phone and dial a number. Immediately, the Queen's phone began beeping to the tune of Scotland the Brave. She answered her phone and....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: ShellyGal on 02/14/03 at 03:45 p.m.
Quoting:
ShellyGal was thrilled in her debasement of the beheaded guests, then went back to the Royal ballroom with Bluto and Kirk.
End Quote
um...huh? You're making my brain sore :-/.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: aL pACINO on 02/14/03 at 04:14 p.m.
sORRY qUEEN.LOVEYOU MUCH.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/14/03 at 04:31 p.m.
Moving on...
Quoting:
Meanwhile, all that Kirk had to say to the Queen in the previous phone call was "Ha ha!"
So she decided to make both Kirk and Bluto jealous by dancing with Rice Cube.
"Dangit!" she mumbled to herself. "If only my sisters were here to rescue me and bring me a REAL man!"
End Quote
"But I am a real man!" said Rice Cube...and then his nose grew because he had lied.
::)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/14/03 at 04:45 p.m.
"Oh no you DIDN'T!" shouted the Queen. Her three sisters just laughed because everyone knows how the Queen feels about big noses. Her face turned red, her hands started to sweat and her body began to shake. "OH MY GOD SHE'S HAVING A CEIZURE!" shouted Kirk. He rushed to her side and saved her from almost certain concussion. When she awoke he looked deep into her eyes and said "Just because his nose is bigger than mine doesn't mean I can't love you more..." (ahhhhhhhhhhh.........)
Poor Bluto, his nose wasn't big at all! :-/
Ok guys and "nose" is NOT a replacement word for something naughty. So don't even go there! It's just a known fact that almost all the guys I fall for happen to have *distinctive* noses. :-*
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/14/03 at 04:49 p.m.
Rice Cube just stood there with his elongated nose, wondering what the Queen was talking about...then he put a flag on his nose and semaphored a taxi boat so he could go cruising around Venice while the Queen recovered...
::)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/14/03 at 05:05 p.m.
Unfortunately, Rice Cube had gotten the Queen drunk before he left. So she was rambling on and on in her okie accent:
"Dee-ihd ya seee that NAAHSS truCK he had? Ah done gotta get me one uh those. And ah'm prroud tuh be a cheruhkeeeeee cuz ah done got a nose.........LOOOOOOOOOOOONG........neck bottles"
Now look what happened? The Queen was making all her guests fat: they kept eating and eating in order to drown out the horrible hickish sound.
But soft! What sound through yonder window breaks! (Billy, stop playing baseball in the Queen's courtyard!)
The sound was...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/14/03 at 05:07 p.m.
Raining men! Hallelujah, it's raining men! Amen!
:)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 02/14/03 at 06:23 p.m.
(Alex? What are YOU doing here?)
Please excuse the Mystic for that one; she hath needed to get it out of her system for quite some time...
The Mystic sentenceth "Al" to spelling school, governed by none other than the relentless Queen, who hath broken many a thick ruler over the poor hand of a snivelling student who breaketh the "i before e..." rule...
Ah, unhappy are the souls of the departed "guests," who, even in death, heapeth upon themselves further ridicule, as they attempt to haunt the blissfully alive and healthy Penguins by spewing out weak insults in their cowardice. (Have they not, after all, refrained from revealing their identities?)
As for RC, the Mystic cautioneth him that his quirky poetry may provoke her to song, and all by now should know the fatal consequences of such an incident...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/15/03 at 12:50 a.m.
Although the spelling school was governed by the Queen AmenRa, it had only one teacher, who was the dreaded Eddei....excuse me....Eddie....of the newspaper. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Al shouted! "THIS WILL BE THE MOST DISTURBING LEARNING EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!" And that it was, especially since Eddie was known to be an abuser of the semi-colon....and things of that nature....
Meanwhile the Queen was very grateful that the message board editors had destroyed the stupid anonymous posts.
Yet, the Mystic could not control her urge to sing and to further mock the anonymous postees. (???) So she digged up their bodies and put on a puppet musical. The "a fellow penguin" puppet began to sing to the other:
"You've been a fool.........and SO have I.........."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Al Pacino on 02/15/03 at 02:14 p.m.
hello love
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Amy Joy Donut on 02/15/03 at 10:16 p.m.
When we left our heroes, Al Pacino had just expressed his love for the queen, who mockingly said in a nasaly New York accent "You talkin' to me" ?
Snubbing the Queen, Al smuggles MystiCofSingcratia into the back of his yellow cab...
...and attempts to extract a fare out of her by non-traditional means...
...he is such a cad that he sets the meter running when he starts, but by the time he is almost at his zenith....
...The top of his convertible cab flies open, allowing the Donut Fairy to enter and dump six giant cinnamon donuts on him....pinning his arms....
...the cab goes out of control, spinning towards a cliff....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/16/03 at 06:40 a.m.
Al Pacino's eyes begin to bug out as he screams and stuggles against the donuts. At the same moment, MystiCofSingcratia has managed to pull her wits (and clothes) about her....
She realizes that the cliff they are speeding towards is only a billboard at the side of the road... advertising Cliff Richard!
Horrified at the thought of plunging cabfirst into the face of her one secret true love, she manages to grab the steering wheel and jerk the cab out of the path at the last minute!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Peregrine on 02/16/03 at 06:50 a.m.
MystiC has by now regained control of the cab. Looking ahead, she sees DJMidas wanting to give her a fare (a fair what is the question...)
She pulls over, remembering his penchant for eating cake....
She points into the back of the cab and asks "Do you see anything in there you fancy ?"
DJM licks his lips and hungrily climbs into the back of the cab....
Soon, Al Pacino is heard to be screaming, and MystiC turns on the 'Not for Hire' sign....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/16/03 at 06:57 a.m.
At this moment the Queen strolls up, twiddling a ruler and mumbling "i before e...."
Seeing the spectacle before her, she proclaims (In her best Okie accent):
"Lait thahm eat cake donuts!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Peregrine on 02/16/03 at 07:04 a.m.
DJM munches greedily on the donuts, until at last Al's arms are freed...
MystiC was seen to be kissing Cliff's face on the billboard ::)
Trouble was brewing in the sisterhood....Not happy at being the queen's lady in waiting...CrazyRacoonGurl124 was getting antsy for a little action.... :P
She had been fantasising about the anteater, and it's magic powers ..... :P :P
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 02/17/03 at 10:06 a.m.
How ignorant are the guests of the land of Penguins!!!
The "donut-girl" (and incidently, "Al" also...)hath mistaken Cate Blanchett for the Mystic, having noticed her signature pic... As for AL, should the Queen have her way of justice, he shall probably suffer the same fate as IG for his heinous escapades...
The Mystic also suspecteth that two of our guests are in fact the same schizophrenic penguin, but should it not be the case...
"Peregrine" hath no other purpose in his visit than to lead the Teutonic crusaders against the pagan citizens of the land of Penguins. The army marcheth across the glacier in chant:
"Peregrinus, expectavi, pedes meos in cymbalis!"
...
"Vincant arma crucifera! Hostis pererat!"
The normally pacifist penguins, not only out-numbered, but also out-armoured, have no choice but retreateth across the ice, with the crusaders in close pursuit. Unfortunately, the invaders have made a critical error; not only is their armour too heavy for the ice to support, but, also, for them to climb out of the cold waters, once they have broken through. So, the entire army drowneth, and the Penguins once again are safe.
And now, a fair maiden penguin searcheth among the fallen heros for her two suitors. She hath expected that fate should claim one in battle, and leave the other for her to wed; she is somewhat surprised to find her plan foiled as she findeth them both alive and, well, somewhat well...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/17/03 at 10:20 a.m.
She was happy now that she would be wed to a handsome penguin.
But then the Queen fast-forwarded to the part where the penguin bells ring to the tune of "NAA-NAA-NAA-NAA-BOO-BOO!!!" And she laughed...and laughed and laughed and laughed.
But THEN! What's this? The new edition with a surprise ending? Oh dear! What is happening to the penguins?...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 02/17/03 at 11:17 a.m.
Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird...it's a plane...*splat* No, it's a bird...
But, this is no ordinary bird. THIS....is a chicken.
A three-legged chicken at that.
"FOOD!! ALRIGHT!!" The guests of the story ran around after it, unaware that no one has ever caught a three-legged chicken. So on they ran, and were thus never heard from again.
And there was much rejoicing.
Meanwhile, CrazyRaccoonGurl re-entered the story for a warm welcome from her loving sisters.
Then the 4 sisters joined together in a extremely long conversation on how to rid the sacred story of annoying, unwanted posts.
"We've got to DO something!" the Queen cried. "Weeeoo weeoo weeoo!"
"Don't worry!" a familiar voice cried. "I'll save you!"
Of course this could only be...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/17/03 at 11:49 a.m.
A very unusual elementary music teacher. Oh, but thist was no ORDINARY music teacher. She looked a little something like this: 8)
She made the children sing a song called "Buzz Buzz Buzz"
She made the children write a song.
OH! Little did everyone know what this would bring about....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/17/03 at 12:17 a.m.
Meriodoc, having caught at last the 3 legged chicken, and pronouncing it delectible (though not at all as palatable as KFC), offers some to Peregrine, and ponders MystiC's musings.
"As to her suspicions," pondereth Merry, "methinks there is almost a grain of truth in it, although not in the way she suspecteth!" :D
Racked with regret at receiving no renumeration for helping to halt the salacious schemes of the schlemiel Al Pacino, Merry munches merrily and muses on the wicked ways of the world and the atrocious absence of alliteration in it...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/18/03 at 10:42 a.m.
The Queen winced at the wicked ways of the unwise Meriadoc, whom she suspected used the sucky pseudonym DJMidas.
Meanwhile, the music teacher, also known as the Young Mystic, became galactically famous for her song, "Santa Claus is Dying." Actually, the idea originated with the great Queen, but she forgot to patent it. :-/ Oops.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Peregrine on 02/19/03 at 01:43 a.m.
Peregrine read the last few posts and chuckled at the inept attempts of the Queen and her haughty cohorts to point the bone at various members of the board.
And laughed and laughed 8)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: rekrul on 02/19/03 at 03:41 a.m.
http://www.emotipad.com/emoticons/Southpark.gif
"ON YOU ALL, ESPECIALLY QUEENIE!!" sayeth KING KYLE!!!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/19/03 at 07:57 a.m.
Suddenly bowled over by a noxious odor, Merry was unable to finish his 3-legged chicken dinner... "Pippin," said he, "I know you are on intimate terms with the Queen. Please ask her to remove that offensive lurker at once! Off with his head!"
"And while you are at it, see if you can beg some clemacy for poor Indy and Rice, lest they continue to linger in undignified squalor...." :'(
"Go to her Pippin! Woo her! For I know that she will succumb to your manly charms and grant your every request...."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 03:27 p.m.
But when Pippin rudely entered the Queen's he found her with, once again, Bluto and Kirk, and it was not a pretty sight. Bluto and Kirk were trying to comfot the Queen, as she was crying hysterically: partly because she repeatedly, yet accidentally, crushed bald men's skulls with a ping pong ball, but mostly because she could no longer fill her favorite alligator skin bra because she had been dieting and exercising.
Naturally, Bluto just stood there with his am around the Queen, while Kirk did all the talking. "...this is all for the best. Can't u C, Queen?"
I guess that wasn't exactly the best word choice, for the Queen burst into even more tears and shouted "NO! NO! I CAN'T C! NOT ANYMORE!"
Well Pippin interrupted the conversation to beg the Queen to remove certain people who find too much humor in passing gas.
He also asked very nicely if he could have the Queen's bra, since he was in great need of one for himself.
"*sniff* Ok....," the Queen sobbed. "Just let me feel it...one last time..." :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 03:30 p.m.
Meanwhile, Rice Cube was watching this from his magical spaceship orbiting the Earth over the Queen's domain, in his favorite La-Z-Boy and eating popcorn...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 03:40 p.m.
...thinking that he could fool the Queen. For when she looked up at the skies, she saw his spaceship and became very angry. ( >:( )
So she took another of her bras that she could no longer use, and she used an even larger bra to sling-shoot it up to him, for she could clearly see that he desperately needed one as well...
(And if she had already given one to him in disguise, he certainly needed more)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 03:42 p.m.
Rice Cube snagged up the bras the Queen was tossing up into the skies, and rigged them such that he could shoot rocks at the mutant death lizards that were trying to invade Earth from their native planet of Zargon V...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 04:17 p.m.
But then the lizards tried to sell Rice Cube some auto insurance, and he woke up screaming.
"MOMMY! MOMMY!"
The Mystic entered, and said "Thou must go back to sleep, for thou hast been watching far too many movies of the outer space realm"
"But...but...but...YOU'RE not my mommy...."
The Mystic sighed. "Yes I KNOW that. But your MOTHER got just dumped you into my crystal cave and I'm just being nice enough to look after you........BUT NOT FOR LONG! SOON YOU SHALL GO INTO THE DARK DREADED CAVE OF COKER!"
"Oh, NONONONONOOOOOOOO!" shouted Rice Cube. But it was too late....
Meanwhile, the Queen looked down at her shirt, and was very glad that it had all been only a dream...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 04:19 p.m.
It seemed that the Queen had been dreaming in multiple dreamscapes, for from her prose it seemed that she could not keep track of who was dreaming what...or for that matter, was she even dreaming?
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 04:21 p.m.
No! It was no dream, for the mutant death lizards were trying to break through Rice Cube's defensive bra-shields and bra-cannons! They were firing some kind of dream-ray into the atmosphere, causing the citizens below to believe that they were not under attack, despite the fact that, miles above, a battle of mammoth proportions was being fought to determine the fate of humanity...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 04:26 p.m.
The Queen laughed and laughed. She was not dreaming at all. Not now. She laughed because she had not killed any bald men after all. She laughed because she could keep her favorite bra. But she laughed mostly because Rice Cube was all alone in the dark....with Sir Coker. (OH NO NOT AGAIN!)
Rice Cube heard the strange man(?) sniffling. Soon Sir Coker started to speak. He got a little choked up as he asked, "You know how....sometimes....you're all alone...in the dark...with another person...and you can't see them...but you can tell what their facial expression is...or at least *sniff*...what they're doing...like if they're crying or *sniff* laughing...you know what I mean?..."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 04:27 p.m.
DANGIT RICE CUBE!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 04:31 p.m.
But that was not Rice Cube...it was a Rice Cube android, sent down by Rice Cube to all corners of the Earth to protect its citizens from invading alien forces. This particular android, Rice938745, would help Sir Coker regain his faculties...and Sir Coker would don his battle armor and decapitate mutant death lizards by the dozens as he helped the Rice Cube androids save the planet...until next time....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 02/19/03 at 04:39 p.m.
And it hath appeared that, no doubt, the Queen may have vanquished the entire land of penguins through her long-winded and harsh monologue; but suddenly a voice from an ambiguous source was heard that sayeth:
"No, Queen..."
"Aw MOM!"
NO, QUEEN!"
"BUT MA! I was WINNING! I WAS!"
"It is time for you to come back home, and stop harrassing these poor, inferior penguins with such brutal dialogue!"
"But MOM! IT'S NOT FAIR! NOT FAIR! I WOULD HAVE WON!!!"
And with that, the Queen Mum scoldeth her ward, and banisheth her to her room, for, oh say, about an hour or so...
Thus the penguins are temporarily spared the frightening rantings of the delirious Queen of Scots.
However, with the Queen Mum's health rapidly failing, and her awareness waning, it is unlikely she may hold the hyperactive Queen for long...
Beware, penguins; things can only get worse...MUCH worse...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 04:42 p.m.
As the Mystic finished her rant in Ye Olde English and the Queen had been sent to bed, Rice Cube labored feverishly to develop a new defense system for Planet Earth, complete with electromagnetic shielding and pulse cannons to destroy and deter future invasions from hostile aliens...but he always kept the hope that one day, aliens that visit Earth would not want to enslave its citizens, but would come as friends.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 04:49 p.m.
Meanwhile, as Rice Cube continued her sci-fi dreams (HA!), the Queen opened her window to let in one of her suitors...Bluto...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 04:52 p.m.
Who was actually a mutant death lizard! Reflexes quick as a cat, Rice Cube tore off his drag costume (which confused the Queen into thinking he was a chick) and revealed his He-Man garb, wherein he proceeded to sever the lizard's legs and decapitate it before it could strike at the Queen. Thankfully, Rice Cube had a prototype force shield to prevent the blood from splattering all over the place.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 04:58 p.m.
The Queen sobbed and sobbed. Here she'd had the PERFECT opportunity, and here Rice Cube ruined it with his stupid lizard hallucinations.
The Queen sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. But she felt the Mystic's presence nearby, and implored her to bring Bluto back from her eternal bands, and to send Rice Cube back to the Cave of Coker.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 05:00 p.m.
His mission complete, the Queen safe, and the planet in good hands, Rice Cube beamed back to his spaceship, not to return until called again....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 05:02 p.m.
(Thank God! For he had just interrupted the Mystic's turn to write)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 02/19/03 at 05:07 p.m.
The Mystic would not wish banishment to the dreaded cave on anyone...(except, maybe, Rob Schneider...)
And, the Mystic will NOT release "Bluto" from eternal bands, for he is no more than a wild rogue whose intentions are few and unhonorable. The Queen shall not spend any more of her attention on such an unruly chap...there are more favorable conquests to pursue...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: dagwood on 02/19/03 at 05:09 p.m.
Dagwood sneaks in and releases Bluto. What the Queen doesn't know is that Bluto is using her to gain control of the country...when control is won Dagwood and Bluto will marry and be King and Queen of all the earth....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 05:11 p.m.
Rice Cube circles overhead in his spaceship, looking down upon Dagwood and Bluto (the real one, not the mutant death lizard) to make sure they do not abuse the powers of the throne once they are, uh, in power ::)
But for now, all is at peace...so Rice Cube circles around Neptune and Pluto for some sightseeing...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/19/03 at 05:22 p.m.
The Queen thanked Dagwood for bringing her beloved Bluto back to life. Then Kirk came along.
Dagwood took just one look at Kirk and said, " :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o He's...he's...he's PERFECT.....no....he's more than perfect....he's...he's...he's ADEQUATE!"
Kirk had not only the good looks, but also the good humor and the cleverness to go with it. Before parting with the Queen he comforted her by saying, "It's for the best. I mean, really, you don't want HIM to rule the world do you? He probably doesn't even know how to find his own country..."
"Yes, I guess so," said the Queen, with tears in her eyes. ( :'( )
So Kirk left with Dagwood. They united and became better known as "Kirkwood."
Meanwhile the Queen hooked up with the dumb, yet extremely sexy, Bluto...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/19/03 at 07:23 p.m.
...but this Bluto seemed to be fake...why it's Ben Affleck! And here comes Jennifer Lopez to steal him back and yell at him for infidelity! What a great photo opportunity!
But will the Queen ever find her true Bluto? For he is being imprisoned deep in the caves of Mount Doom...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 02/19/03 at 07:48 p.m.
Matt Damon just stood their dejected, knowing that J. Lo stole his best friend. "No 'Good Will Hunting 2' for you, Afflac", and turned into a bitter duck.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: dagwood on 02/20/03 at 06:06 a.m.
As Dagwood and Kirk stood laughing...you see they knew where Bluto was and that he was no longer a prisoner. He had been deprogramed and was now a normal person intent on helping to overthrow the throne. muahahahaha
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 09:17 a.m.
That's when the ambiguously gay duo of Adam West and Burt Ward swung in from the rafters (actually the camera was turned sideways in a neat trick of camera trickery ::)) and knocked Bluto on his back, saving the Queen yet again. When would she learn that brutes like Bluto were not to be her suitor?
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 02/20/03 at 09:38 a.m.
Burt Ward laid on top of Bluto as to hold him down. It was cold so Burt was shivering...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 02/20/03 at 10:15 a.m.
or was it the cold???
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Samwise on 02/20/03 at 10:48 a.m.
Trying to steer the story away from homoerotica, the good Hobbit Samwise met up with Merry and Pippin and their friend Treebeard, who had just used a rather large boulder as a bowling ball to knock down the pillars around Orthanc...perhaps later they will have a wee picnic with some elven bread and pipeweed ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 11:30 a.m.
Of course, the Hobbits got a little bit fat and stoned, and accidentally tipped over a candlestick and set their surroundings ablaze...thank goodness our fearless firefighters were around to douse them with water and fire foam!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/20/03 at 12:33 a.m.
Unfortunately, the blaze badly singed the Queen's wonderbra which Pippin had been proudly wearing as a badge of favor over his elvenmail.
"I told you" quipped Merry, "that it should have gone under the mail. I shudder to think of the Queen's displeasure...! :o This is another fine mess you've gotten us into! You will end up in maximum security with the sex-starved Rice Cube and Indy Gent, and the ravenous donut-crunching DJ Midas, and then you will expect me to rescue you as always....." :P
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: The Uruk-Hai on 02/20/03 at 12:36 a.m.
Unfortunately, while they were squabbling, the Uruk-Hai came along and grabbed them by their little Hobbit feet. Pippin and Merry struggled and struggled, but were no match for the insane evil brute force of the superorcs. Whatever shall they do?
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Smeagol on 02/20/03 at 12:37 a.m.
"Tricksy Hobbitses! They tricks us! Theys steeeeeeeals from usssssss..."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/20/03 at 12:42 a.m.
"Oh oh!" cried Merry. "Do I sense a dungeon in the near future for myself and Peregrine?" And he smiled, realizing all of his best sado-masochistic fantasies were about to be fulfilled.... :P
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Frodo on 02/20/03 at 12:45 a.m.
What a turn of events! But here comes Frodo with Sting, his trusty orc-sword! And the real Sting of the Police!
Incredible the ferocity of this little Hobbit's swordplay, as he chops off orcheads while Sting shimmers and sings "Roxanne"...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 12:48 a.m.
Rice Cube continues to circle above in his spaceship, ready to lend a hand if the dwarf and the elf should fall at Helm's Deep...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Grendle on 02/20/03 at 12:49 a.m.
Fire and flames, anyone? :)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 02/20/03 at 01:24 p.m.
Then, Rice beamed down 80s Cheerleader from his spaceship to try to motivate everyone...
GO ELVES!! GO HOBBITS!!
MAKE LIKE YOU ARE LORENA BOBBITS!!!
CUT EM IN THE LEFT KNEE!!
CUT EM IN THE RIGHT KNEE!!
CUT EM IN THE OTHER KNEE!!
And, with a signature toe touch, accidentally kicking the Queen in the face, she beamed back aboard Rice's Cube...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/20/03 at 01:26 p.m.
"Drat!" exclaimed Merry, as he gazed mournfully at the pile of smouldering orc-heads. "No dungeon now. Yet another opportunity for kinky sex thwarted...."
He sighed deeply. "Anybody got a marshmellow?" :(
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: rekrul on 02/20/03 at 01:49 p.m.
Quoting:
Then, Rice beamed down 80s Cheerleader from his spaceship to try to motivate everyone...
GO ELVES!! GO HOBBITS!!
MAKE LIKE YOU ARE LORENA BOBBITS!!!
CUT EM IN THE LEFT KNEE!!
CUT EM IN THE RIGHT KNEE!!
CUT EM IN THE OTHER KNEE!!
And, with a signature toe touch, accidentally kicking the Queen in the face, she beamed back aboard Rice's Cube...
End Quote
Accidentally?! *HUMPH* A likely story!! ;) ;D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 02/20/03 at 01:59 p.m.
CrazyRaccoonGurl wept at all these board members, unworthy to bear the LOTR names. But she was also glad, for the sacred name of Aragorn, her man, had not yet been stolen. She also wished she had been on the board when special mention of *Ben Affleck* had been made, but, alas, he was already gone.
"Oh well," she said, and continued on with Aragorn.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 02:09 p.m.
Aragorn, of course, was the love interest of Arwen Evenstar and Eowyn, daughter of Theoden king...but that never stopped him from womanizing ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Samwise on 02/20/03 at 03:03 p.m.
Sam, of course, only had eyes for Frodo...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Frodo on 02/20/03 at 03:03 p.m.
...and Frodo only had eyes for Sam ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Treebeard on 02/20/03 at 03:05 p.m.
Hoom, Hahm, Hoom! Such interesting creatures, these Hobbits...with interesting ideas that make no sense...but then again, they are quite small...Hoom!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 02/20/03 at 03:52 p.m.
CrazyRaccoonGurl was puzzled. Perhaps she had misunderstood, but she thought that the story was spontaneously made up by board members. She hadn't known that quotes were of vital importance to this sacred story of the Queen.
Or were they?
The Raccoon pondered on these things... :P
P.S. Please don't kill my sister, the Queen. I would be so lonely. :'( Well actually I would just miss getting her to do stuff for me, since I have *the knowledge* :D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 03:55 p.m.
As the bearer of the "Knowledge," the Racoon Gurl was spared from the sword of Frodo...Legolas and Gimli took her upon their horse and rode off towards Mount Knowitall, where the Racoon Gurl would use her power of "Knowledge" to prevent the Earth from spiraling into the sun...
Meanwhile, Rice Cube was frantically contacting other spaceships to create a force field and tractor beam strong enough to keep the planet from certain doom, if the Racoon Gurl failed in her mission...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 02/20/03 at 04:19 p.m.
But the space fleet made some miscalculations, and were accidentally all swallowed by a small dog.
Meanwhile, the Raccoon used her *knowledge* and summoned the other three sisters to her side. And also her best friend, who upon seeing Legalus, immediately mounted a horse and rode of into the sunset with him.
Of course the Raccoon still had Aragorn... ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 04:20 p.m.
When the small dog finally went to the bathroom, Rice Cube and his Legion of Space Cadets stormed back into the fray...hoping against hope that the Earth could still be saved!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 02/20/03 at 04:33 p.m.
The Mystic is somewhat comforted to see that she is not the only who hath had a crappy day...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 04:42 p.m.
Perhaps what the Mystic needs is a nice chocolate smoothie ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/20/03 at 05:51 p.m.
Merry, having misplaced his partner in crime somewhere in the fracas, and unable to find a single marshmallow, wanders mournfully about the Orcan battle ground in a state of perpetual boredom and wonders aloud whether Rice is returning anytime soon with that spacecraft....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Tom Bombadil on 02/20/03 at 05:53 p.m.
...and Tom Bombadil did...well, whatever it is Tom Bombadil does 8)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 05:55 p.m.
Aragorn and Gimli were smitten with Tom Bombadil's hot wife...so smitten that they forgot they were about to be overrun by Orcs.
Thankfully, Rice Cube beamed them all to a safer place, where they could better protect Helm's Deep against the invading Uruk-Hai...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DoubleEntendre on 02/20/03 at 05:59 p.m.
Quoting:
...and Tom Bombadil did...well, whatever it is Tom Bombadil does 8)
End Quote
...Mostly sings silly songs with the words "ding" and "dong" appearing with frightening frequency....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 06:01 p.m.
Perhaps Tom Bombadil is familiar with the famed mountain climber Frere Jacques, who, unfortunately, sleeps a lot so it does take forever to climb the peaks unless someone shouts "ding dang dong"...that could be Tom Bombadil!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/20/03 at 06:09 p.m.
"Piiiiiiiippppppppiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn!" calls Merry forlornly. He has a sudden mental image of his missing comrade trussed and helpless in the clutches of the Queen. And finds that curiously stimulating.... :P
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 06:12 p.m.
Rice Cube dispatches his newly released models of Kung Fu Yakuza Triad Warriors, who employ great stealth to sneak into the Queen's lair...
Twenty seconds later, amidst a slurry of blood and a pile of rolling heads, the Warriors return with Pippin, a little bit violated, but safe...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/20/03 at 06:17 p.m.
"Don't you dare tell me you enjoyed that!" snarls Merry at a cringing Peregrine. "As a matter of fact, I order you to remain silent for at least several hours....."
Well! Fixed that problem..... ::)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 06:20 p.m.
Pippin continued to cringe, his psyche shattered, and started sucking his thumb while pulling the thong the Queen made him wear out of his buttcrack...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/20/03 at 07:10 p.m.
"Here's your thong back" he said to the Queen, holding it up to her. "That's not my thong," she replied. "That belongs to Indy Gent. See-look on the tag..."
Rice Cube looked around I screamed. "What am I doing back here in prison?!! With Indy Gent?!!"
"Well," the Queen explained, "after giving that chocolate smoothie to the Mystic. For she is lactose intolerant and hypoglycemic, and cannot have certain foods. Therefore you upsetteth her system, and she threw you back in jail. Besides, she was a bit tired of all these LOTR pseudonyms of yours..."
Then Bluto came up. "Don't do it!" Rice Cube shouted. Some people just don't get the significance of code words/names.
The Queen searched him all over. Yup, it was the real Bluto all right, but something was different...he seemed to be more caring...more understanding...was this possible with Bluto?
"Do you see the LIGHT?!" asked James Brown.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Peregrine on 02/20/03 at 07:45 p.m.
Peregrine waited patiently to be saved by his beloved Meridoc as he kept his back to the wall in the dungeon, slightly concerned about Indy Gent and DJMidas, who kept chanting "Fresh Meat" :-/
To pass the hours, Peregrine thought about the thong, and the Queen's bra which was made out of two baby alligators, tied together with elastic.
Just then a beam of light shone through the scant window, and Peregrine thought it was the second coming of the Queen. That was good because he had missed the first one and had been upset....
However it turned out to be the tutti-frutti colored tractor beam of Rice Cubes aramda of space ships, led by Rice himself, pilot of the "Anteater - D - 1701"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/20/03 at 08:09 p.m.
Meriadoc, now aboard Rice's ship, having been beamed up to the Anteater only moments before, peered deep down into the realms of the Queen's dungeon, using the very latest model the transpoderoscope...
"Good Pippin" he mumbled.... "At least you have been obedient and not spoken or made a sound. But I see that may quickly change if Indy or Midas get any closer.... We must hurry!"
"I am coming, my dearest Peregrine!" he shouted....
Now frantic, Merry began desperately searching the buttons on the Anteater's control panel. Finally he saw what was needed. He pressed the yellow button with the black "B" on it, and immediately, millions of tons of bananas were released thru the ship's hatch and began plummeting towards the Queen's palace.....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/20/03 at 08:28 p.m.
Said Rice Cube of this banana bombing: "Well, at least they didn't release the Tribbles."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: DJ Midas on 02/21/03 at 10:18 a.m.
Richard sat as his desk and watched the raining fruit.
"Bananarama! Raining on the Queeninator! Stapling Crayolas! AmenRahallelujah! Queeeeeen!" ;D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/21/03 at 11:34 a.m.
The Orcs, gazing upon the pumped up muscles of Hans and Franz, turned around and ran like sissies.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Samwise on 02/21/03 at 11:43 a.m.
Yay! yelled Sam, for now he could come out from hiding under Frodo's cloak...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/21/03 at 01:22 p.m.
Merry, realizing that Rice had received a powerful blow on the head from a late falling banana, and was therefore unable to distinguish between events that had already taken place, such as the killing and burning of the orcs, and events that had yet to be accomplished, such as saving of Peregrine from the evil clutches of the Queen (not to mention the lewd advances of Indy and the increasing cannibalistic tendencies of Midas), realized he would have to do everything himself, and being an affectionado of run-on sentences, he quickly extended the fibrulating tube from the side of the Anteater, placed it up against the grate of the dungeon window, and swiftly began to pump hundreds of bananas into the gloomy debths, hoping against hope that these luscious fruits would, each in it's own enticing way, distract Indy and Midas from their evil designs upon poor Pippin; but unfortunately, the fibrulating tanks malfunctioned, and after a rain of perhaps 100 bananas, the tank switchover went into effect, and soon the dungeon was filling up with tribbles...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/21/03 at 01:27 p.m.
Meanwhile, Gizmo the Gremlin had been caught in the pile of Tribbles...and as the Tribbles purred and spat, Gizmo got wet and begot many an evil Gremlin...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/21/03 at 01:37 p.m.
Fortunately, the bars on the dungeon window were too narrow to permit the entrance of even the smallest gremlin, so Gizmo and his offspring were thrown violently against the bars by the force of the fibrulator and sliced into pieces (along with a few unfortunate tribbles and some of the bananas), littering the dungeon floor with various disgusting offal... And the dungeon window soon began to clog up with gremlin parts that did not filter through, cutting off all available light to the poor prisoners. This did however, cause the automatic switchoff on the fibrulator to kick in, shutting it off and also blowing an electrotoggle on the Anteater, rendering the ship helpless until a new part could be ordered from distant Zarcostan...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Gimli on 02/21/03 at 01:42 p.m.
AUCH!! What disgusting odors! I shall use my axe to grind through and free the unfortunate Hobbit!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/21/03 at 01:47 p.m.
Of course Gimli forgot to take into account the blood that would gush out of the organic prison bars...ugh!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 02/21/03 at 01:51 p.m.
CrazyRaccoonGurl was enraged. "I thot I got rid of all you pesky little critters!" So she sued the exterminator and hired a new one.
Meanwhile, away from all the LOTR guests (who still are not worthy of their board names), CrazyRaccoonGurl was have a lovely time with Aragorn...
When who should come along but...
(only the Queen may answer this one)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Chewbacca on 02/21/03 at 02:22 p.m.
Chewbacca the Wookiee!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGH!!!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/21/03 at 03:54 p.m.
But in reality, it was a certain vice principal, having throat problems after her (his?) attempt to try and change her (his?) voice.
Meanwhile, the Queen was considering not posting anymore until everyone stopped using her story to talk to themselves about Lord of the Rings...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/21/03 at 04:01 p.m.
In came the Ah-nuld Terminator, intent on ridding this story of hobbits...but why is he in a rabbi outfit?
"Hava nagila, baby!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 02/21/03 at 04:38 p.m.
Oops...
RC in his blundering ignorance hath failed to realize that he hath once again offended his cell mate IG with such blatant stereotyping of Jewish celebration. Once he realizeth his error, he apologizeth frantically, and IG feigneth forgiveness, whilst secretly plotting his revenge. In the darkness of the dungeon, as no one else observeth his doings, he removeth the tags from the pillows to be offered RC...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/21/03 at 04:44 p.m.
Interestingly enough, it never dawned on the parties involved that Indy Gent might NOT be Jewish...but that's no excuse for the Terminator using rabbi garb as a disguise.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Crazy Don on 02/21/03 at 04:48 p.m.
And we all know that RC is definitely not Jewish! ;D ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 02/21/03 at 04:54 p.m.
Silly Rabbi! Kicks are for Tritts!
"Oh dear!" the scratchy-voiced principal shouted. "I didn't plan on it being Friday all day!"
Upon hearing this, along came the Sanders brothers with their cries of, "I'm gonna dot yer eye, ya igmo!" and "Heh heh, things of that nature..."
And, naturally, CrazyRaccoonGurl's post couldn't end without certain...um...Mrs. Watts...situations...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/21/03 at 05:40 p.m.
Merry, intent on trying to radio the planet Zarcostan to order the new electrotoggle for the Anteater, fails to notice until it is too late that Rice is no longer within sight. After being reassured that the part will be shipped within 7 working (Zarcostanian) days, he hurries back to the perimeter of the palace shouting for Rice. Slowly, a terrible notion begins to dawn on him....
Frantically brushing bloody gremlin parts away from the cell bars, he peers into the darkness of the dungeon. As his eyes adjust to the dim light, he sees Rice Cube, huddled against the wall with Pippin, apprehensively eyeing the circling Indy Gent and D.J. Midas. The bananas, apparently, have only served as an appetiser...
"Oh noice" sayeth Merry, doing his best Onslow imitation, "I have to do the whole rescue myself as usual..."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Peregrine on 02/22/03 at 04:20 a.m.
Becoming ever more apprehensive about the situation, Peregrine huddled near to Rice Cube for protection, only to be tapped on the rear by his anteater. ::)
Merry, please help me quickly, Peregrine cried. I just want to be in your precious arms again !
I couldn't work out at first why Rice seemed transfixed by the site of all the bananas, but then I remembered the other thread ! "Great" though Peregrine, all he can think about is doing the fruit naughty.... :P
I awaited the appearance of my beloved Meriodoc with increasing desperation.... :-/
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/22/03 at 09:58 a.m.
Merry became increasingly concerned about his dear Pippin's state of mind, as he listened to him change repeatedly from third person to first person...
"Hmmm..." said Merry, "The Queen obviously is not providing any of her excellent grammatical services to her prisoners..."
Deciding that the rescue of Peregine may turn out to be a gargantuam task, Merry decided to get some breakfast first and try and mull over a plan. Unfortunately, there was nothing to be had but bananas...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/22/03 at 01:01 p.m.
Rice Cube, having released himself from the mindsucking device of the Queen's torture chambermaids, suddenly gave off a flash and LO! His body was now covered with ionized adamantium armor! And his banana had morphed into a great staff with which he used to kneecap the chambermaids...it seemed Merry and Pippin would be reunited once more...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Galadriel on 02/22/03 at 01:51 p.m.
Ah! But would Merry find Pippin intact?
Or had he succumbed to the ministrations of Indy and the anteater? Or the nibblings of the ever hungry Midas? Or the second coming of the Queen? (Oh wait -- he missed that)... ::)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: 80s_cheerleader on 02/22/03 at 04:45 p.m.
From deep within the bowels of the castle, Cheerleader and Legolas appeared. In his trusty quiver, Legolas held bows that had been blessed by cupid. Cheerleader shook her poms with all her might and lo and behold! Pippin appeared! However, the evil Mystic had put a hate spell on Pippin. With one swift move, Legolas pulled out 2 bows and shot them at Pippin and Cheerleader, while whispering "Levo llash ndif uoy". The bows hit Cheerleader and Pippin right in their hearts. When they opened their eyes, after recovering from the strong love force within the bows, they spied their true loves, Legolas and Merry. Ah-nuld, who had truly become a rabbi, performed a quickie marriage ceremony to unite the lovers for life.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Arwen Evenstar on 02/23/03 at 12:52 a.m.
What more of our heros?
Have the hobbits been rendered speechless by their good fortune?
Has Rice yet received the electrotoggle by intergalactic parcel post?
Will Indy and Midas remain in the dank and squalid dungeon?
Will the Queen and her sisters read all this and have apoplexy?
Will 80sCheerleader get that arrow out of her heart?
Will donuts be provided?
Will someone clean up all the gremlin parts?
Will there be trouble with tribbles?
Stay tuned when these and all your other question shall be answered on the next edition of:
"As the Anteater Turns"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/23/03 at 01:11 p.m.
Quoting:
What more of our heros?
End Quote
Let's find out!
Quoting:
Have the hobbits been rendered speechless by their good fortune?End Quote
Methinks last we heard, they were headed to the Love Shack...
Quoting:
Has Rice yet received the electrotoggle by intergalactic parcel post?End Quote
No, I'll never use FedEx again >:(
Quoting:
Will Indy and Midas remain in the dank and squalid dungeon?End Quote
After the Hobbits "reacquaint" themselves, we will hatch a plan to bust them out...
Quoting:
Will the Queen and her sisters read all this and have apoplexy?End Quote
Most likely, if they don't destroy their computer first out of anger ;)
Quoting:
Will 80sCheerleader get that arrow out of her heart?End Quote
It automatically disintegrates...plus she didn't die :) Thank goodness, Rice Cube needs his 20-year-old CLONE! :D
Quoting:
Will donuts be provided?End Quote
Oh hell yes :)
Quoting:
Will someone clean up all the gremlin parts?End Quote
Housekeeping?
Quoting:
Will there be trouble with tribbles?End Quote
Not after I activate my Super-Neuto-Ray! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Quoting:
Stay tuned when these and all your other question shall be answered on the next edition of:
"As the Anteater Turns"
End Quote
Let's hope it doesn't turn too hard ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/24/03 at 09:32 a.m.
Oh yes, and Ah-nuld the Rabbi has to fight the evil T-1000 Anti-Semborg :P This might get interesting.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 02/24/03 at 01:11 p.m.
Merry, never having witnessed a Rabbinacal gay hobbit marriage ceremony before, much less participated in one, was amazed and dazzled. Altho' he suspected he was to be even more so after a night with Pippin in the Love Shack.... :P
"I do hope I get to hear all the juicy dungeon details" he mumbles to himself....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rabbi Ah-nuld on 02/24/03 at 01:31 p.m.
Ah-nuld, hahveeng deescuhvuhed ze evuhl T-wahn-thousahnd's plans to take oh-vuh ze weurld, prepahhrs his dreidel of doom...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Elmer Fudd, Interpweter on 02/24/03 at 01:34 p.m.
What Arnold was saying is that he had discuhvuhed some evil pwan by the T-1000 to take ovuh the world, so he had to bust out his dweidel of doom to save us all, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Bugs Bunny on 02/24/03 at 01:46 p.m.
Quoting:
What Arnold was saying is that he had discuhvuhed some evil pwan by the T-1000 to take ovuh the world, so he had to bust out his dweidel of doom to save us all, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah...
End Quote
Ehh, y'know doc, you're not going to catch any wabbits unless you're vewy, vewy quiet...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Jared Fogel on 02/24/03 at 03:22 p.m.
Hi, I'm Jared Fogel. You may remember me as that fat bastard who lost 250 pounds on the Subway diet. As such I will have no use for "Wascawwy Wabbits," as I have a lifetime's supply of Subway sandwiches, a great TV commercial spokesmanship career, not to mention a really hot TV wife. Sometimes it just pays to be a fat bastard. Oh look, Hobbits! Maybe I'll get Clay Henry to help me convince them to get on the Subway diet too...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Clay Henry on 02/24/03 at 03:28 p.m.
He's Henry, Clay Henry
He went to the storyland today
And got the Hobbits to eat at Subway
He's slim and a hit with all the guys
He got the Hobbits off of elfbread and fries
Nothing like a sandwich delight
You all know that Subway's right
He's Henry, Clay Henryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Annoying cellphone guy on 02/24/03 at 03:40 p.m.
Can you hear me now?
GOOD!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Don Cheadle on 02/24/03 at 03:54 p.m.
What's a Hobbit? Not everyone can be a Hobbit. A Hobbit isn't just another short dude who runs around barefoot. A Hobbit doesn't just smoke the pipeweed all day hoping that everything will be hunkydory. No, a Hobbit risks his neck to bring the One Ring to the fiery pits of Mount Doom, a Hobbit summons and rallies the forces of Ents against the powers of Saruman, a Hobbit finds a way to do what's right. And that is what makes a Hobbit, a Hobbit.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Pam Anderson on 02/24/03 at 03:55 p.m.
Hey! Where's Kid Rock? I lost him? Too bad, I'll just have to marry Rice Cube then... Well, I guess I can join in the wrestling since I kicked butt on my series VIP. Let me change into my Baywatch uniform so I can join the forces of good in fighting the evil on this planet. Or, I can just mesmerize it with the sight of my chest bouncing as I run...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Dolly Parton on 02/24/03 at 04:28 p.m.
And I'm that chick with the big hooters who wants to beat the crap out of Whitney Houston for stealing my song! I even run an amusement park!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: princessofpop on 02/24/03 at 04:30 p.m.
Quoting:
Hey! Where's Kid Rock? I lost him? Too bad, I'll just have to marry Rice Cube then... Well, I guess I can join in the wrestling since I kicked butt on my series VIP. Let me change into my Baywatch uniform so I can join the forces of good in fighting the evil on this planet. Or, I can just mesmerize it with the sight of my chest bouncing as I run...
End Quote
hmmmmmmm........ ::)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/24/03 at 04:43 p.m.
"Look!" said the Queen to all the little Rich Kids of the Court who were on the tour of the prison. "ALL these people have been imprisoned over the weekend, and RC and IG still remain. So what have he learned?"
"Don't smoke weed!"
"And...?"
"Don't shoot up!"
"And...?"
"No popping purple pills!" (hey....did I just see the Mystic in there?....)
After the tour the Queen went to her Royal Psychiatrist. These children had really added to all the other stress she had had.
"And the phone has not rung....why? WHY?.......And apparently Grieg is not good enough for state competition......why? WHY?......"
The psychiatrist, obviously not at all musically educated, leaned forward and stated, "I told you not to skate to Carmen."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Dr. Katz, Psychiatrist on 02/24/03 at 06:01 p.m.
It seems the patient, QAR-1, is having delusions of grandeur and hallucinates about cartoon pirates and figure skating...most peculiar. I will prescribe a suppository to alleviate her symptoms...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Dr. Ruth-Sexologist on 02/24/03 at 06:06 p.m.
It seems to me that the Queen just needs to get porked and get off her bong related high horse.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Sue Johansen on 02/24/03 at 07:59 p.m.
..Or, she may be able to be satisfied by being self-sufficient. You know your own bodies best, people!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rocco on 02/25/03 at 03:54 a.m.
Rocco has been reading, and I have decided that I have taken a liking to the Queen.... ;)
And we all know what THAT means, don't we... :P :P ;)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Larry the cucumber on 02/25/03 at 02:38 p.m.
Anyone need a cucumber here? Hey Queenie, you look like you could use me ;) :-*
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/25/03 at 03:13 p.m.
The Queen was greatly disgusted by all the sexually disturbed maniacs of the Royal Prison.
Yet, thinking about it made her very sad.
She walked up to the ground floor, and was greeted by Bluto. QueenAmenRa's heart began to race.
Then Kirk showed up, and the Queen's heart beated even faster.
Picky picky was she.
And all of the lurkers came out of the closet to see who she would choose.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/25/03 at 03:34 p.m.
So who WILL she choose?
Will it be Lurker Number One...Lurker Number Two...or Lurker Number Three?? Or the Box??
???
The Queen is choosing the box!
Hiro-san...show us what's in the box!
NOTHING!!! Absolutely NOTHING!!!
Stupid! You're so STUPID!!!
*from UHF*
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/25/03 at 04:17 p.m.
Quoting:
*from UHF*
End Quote
no **** sherlock!
But wait! In the corner of the box, there sat a teeny-tiny little Bluto. But then, he grew and he grew and he grew and he grew. He grew and he grew and he grew and he grew. He grew and he grew and he grew and he grew.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Olive Oyl on 02/25/03 at 04:45 p.m.
Looks like the Queen got herself The Jolly Green Giant. At least until he popped...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/25/03 at 05:18 p.m.
Unfortunately, when the Queen was tickled by Bluto's whiskers, she couldn't help but sneeze and propel mini-Bluto into the wall of swords...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/25/03 at 06:59 p.m.
Then the real Bluto came and laughed at his Mini-Me.
After his scoffing fest, he turned to the Queen and asked, "Do I make you horny, babe?"
Naturally, Kirk ran up, shouting and insane with anger. "I WAS SUPPOSED TO PROPOSE FIRST!!!!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 02/26/03 at 09:55 a.m.
So Bluto and Kirk started fighting in a really goofy 60s-style futuristic kung fu...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/26/03 at 11:40 a.m.
Soon Betty appeared, with his classic fight song: "Baby Got Back"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Chosen One on 02/26/03 at 11:42 a.m.
I should have listened to that One-boobed chick...but now that I have defeated your cow and healed from your evil claw, I shall rip those triangle thingies from your body to destroy your source of power!
Tonguey: "WOOO-WAAAAAAAAAAH!!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: mhmm on 02/26/03 at 11:53 a.m.
Then Dirk Diggler stepped in and beat both Bluto and Derek with his extremely long....arms! 8)
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 02/26/03 at 01:53 p.m.
"Please...make it stop!" cried CrazyRaccoonGurl.
"Don't worry, I'll save you!" cried, of course, the famous Mustache Man.
"Oh Mustache Man, what ever shall I do?!" said the Raccoon.
The Mustache Man said, "Let me tell you a story...
Well God said to Noah, there's gonna be a floody floody..."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/26/03 at 07:49 p.m.
Naturally, Richard Simmons appeared, but instead of commanding everyone to rise and shine and give God the glory glory, he began to demonstrate his new exercise, which guaranteed sexy elbows.
Queen, desperately needed to get in shape to look stunning in her new bikini, seemed to be the only one doing the workout.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: princessofpop on 02/27/03 at 06:15 a.m.
off topic: what happened to the "lurker" thread? i truly enjoyed reading that! or is it there & I am just not seeing it?
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Vincent LaGuardia Gambini on 02/27/03 at 02:17 p.m.
What is this, a MAGIC thread? Do the laws of messageboards cease to exist in your thread?
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 02/27/03 at 05:23 p.m.
The Queen seeth that the Mystic hath imprisoned more loony lurkers, as is very glad.
Yet, she mourns over her lost neighbor. Yes, that special person, because there was only one in the world.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 02/27/03 at 06:01 p.m.
Perhaps, the Princess hath performed the same mishap in her morning ritual as the Mystic; in which case, perhaps should'st thou switch thy contact lenses back to the correct eyes, thy vision may be corrected, and thou shalt see all links clearly as before...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/03/03 at 03:19 p.m.
The Princess looked down at her feet. "AHA!" she exclaimed. "Perhaps that is ALSO why I have been getting bunyans lately."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/05/03 at 10:16 a.m.
On the ninth day of his honeymoon, Merry was suddenly awakened by a sharp knocking at the door of his suite. Staggering out of bed, and wrapping a robe hastily about himself, he glanced at the bedside clock.
"11 a.m.! What in the world were we doing last night?" He glanced at the still sleeping form of Pippin. "oh!"
Quickly he padded across the floor toward the incessant knocking. "I'm coming, I'm coming!" he shouted impatiently.
Flinging open the door, he beheld the sight of a 7-eyed, 3-legged, 21-armed paraflugiaglax clad in an IGPS uniform. He was holding a clipboard and a small, square, clear package with some wiggling styro-wrap within it....
"Package for Rice Cube," the mesenger said thru his voxotranslator. "Sign here, please. That will be $2,750.000.099 I.G's."
"$2,750.000.099 Indy Gents?" mumbled Merry, still half asleep.
"Intergalatic Units!" snapped the paraflugiaglax.
"Oh yeah, hang on."
Merry scurried to the nightstand, and scrabbled thru the top drawer until he extracted the blank check left to him by the Anteater's captain. Hastily he filled in the amount and returned to the door.
The messenger scowled, waiting for a tip.
Merry quickly fumbled in the pockets of his robe. Handcuffs, rope, plume, nope... With a shrug of apology to the messenger, he took the box and shut the door. Crossing the room to the kitchenette, he placed the box on the wooden counter and comtemplated brewing a cup of tea. But curiousity got the better of him. He had never before seen a replacement electrotoggle.
He opened the box and began to poke about in the still quivering wrapping. Suddenly he sprang back as a sharp jolt of electricity surged thru him. Putting his reddened fingertip into his mouth, he watched in horror as the electrotoggle slithered from the box and began to crawl across the counter. Smoke was beginning to rise...
"Pippin! Wake up! We've got problems....."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/05/03 at 04:16 p.m.
Suddenly, the mysterious electrotoggle split into 3 parts. Its head transformed into an egg beater. Its tail transformed into a car battery. And its middle turned into a bowl.....of strawberry jello.
"HURRAY!" shouted Pippin.
Soon Frodo arrived at the Plutonium Party, but was very sad that his uncle Bilbo had returned to his home on the planet Zorcon.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Peregrine on 03/05/03 at 09:11 p.m.
Pippin was delighted with this latest twist - he had long since discussed with his beloved Merry about the uses of jello :P Now was his big chance.
QueenAmen Ra, make yourself useful for once and get over here with those egg beaters ;D You know what do do ! ;)
If you are a good Queen, we may allow you to join in, once you have proved your worth ::) :o
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/07/03 at 09:44 a.m.
The Queen became quite angry with Peregrine, and the Mystic conceived (WHAT?!!!) a plan (oh, ok) to scare off the lurker once and for all.
"Ding-Dong!"
"I'LL GET IT!" shouted Pippin. He opened the door. There was the Queen, with a veil over her face.
"Uh....hi....come in..." As soon as she entered, the electricity went out, and the little hobbits were no longer gay, but were in fact, rather frightened.
"Here!" shouted Meriadoc. "We'll let you make the plutonium yourself. Here's the egg-beater. Just...PLEASE don't hurt us! :-[ "
Oh, but the Queen used her most powerful weapon, which is her beautiful singing voice:
"...the eggs are beating....when it's dark.....the Queen is singing....when it's dark....Rice Cube stops eating..."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 03/07/03 at 09:51 a.m.
So what could Rice Cube do? Well, he put on his superior quality ear plugs (fabrique au Canada) and took his trusty duct tape and taped the Queen's mouth shut. Then he went back to his La-Z-Boy and kept munching donuts and Cheetos while watching A-Team re-runs.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 03/07/03 at 04:29 p.m.
"Aha!" laugheth the Mystic. "Aha, and Ha, again!" For, the Queen's plan to exterminate RC once and for all hath worked. Thou mayest recall that, indeed, it is the Mystic whose voice causeth severe and often fatal annorexia. The Queen, however, causeth the listener to fall into an eating frenzy, and as RC muncheth on all that "junk food," he swelleth up like a balloon until he bursteth. His inside spilleth out and oozeth and seepeth over the untasteful furnishings, much as doth, the Mystic supposeth, this ambiguous plutonium strawberry jelly...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Rice Cube on 03/07/03 at 04:49 p.m.
Unfortunately for the sisters, Rice Cube was part hydra (the mythical one, not the cnidarian) and so each little piece of exploded Cube turned into a new Cube...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/07/03 at 05:11 p.m.
Although it was not at all pleasant to have multiple Rice Cubes floating around, Queen and the Mystic now knew they were safe for making copies.
But what would become of those others whom RC encountered?
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/07/03 at 08:54 p.m.
Although somewhat daunted by the sight of dozens of metamophising Rice Cubes, Merry was relieved to note that at least the oozing plutonium strawberry jello was being reabsorbed by the cubular manifestations.
Grabbing Pippin by the scruff of the neck and pulling him away from the last of the jello, he attempted to make a quick exit before one or more of the cubes thought to inquire about the final dispostion of the $2,750,000,099. electrotoggle, which Merry suspected mournfully, had not been insured...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Sauron on 03/09/03 at 01:36 p.m.
Just mere moments after the hobbits' timely exit, the evil Sauron appeared with a huge hefty bag and began snatching up the miniature Rice Cubes. Unfortunately, this curtailed any possibility of one or more of the cubes phoning the Intergalactic Bank and putting a stop payment on the $2,750,000,099. I.G. check......
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/10/03 at 08:13 p.m.
Meanwhile, Merry and Pippin had fled the Evil Siren Queen and the rapidly reproducing hydralic Rice Cubes. After some consultation, they decided to strike out southward where it was bound to be warmer.
"At least" said Merry, "we cannot be pursued by the Anteater, since it is still disabled by the absence of an electrotoggle...."
"Hopefully we will find a cozy Inn. But what shall we do for funds? Pippin, can you sing...?"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Peregrine on 03/10/03 at 08:25 p.m.
Reliving his days as the quadrant karaoke champion, Pippin launched in to one of the Queen’s personal favourites ! :P
“And we do it
With a lot of real love and a deep affection
We do it
Every night every day
Every possible way
And we do it
Ain’t nothing in the world
Ever gonna stop us
We do it….” :P :P :P
Suddenly the room was cleared of all danger. The hobbits were all dead. The Queen lay convulsing on the ground with bleeding eardrums.
Meriadoc, Pippin and Rice Cube all launched into a rousing 3 cheers for R & J Stone…
;D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/10/03 at 08:46 p.m.
Merry, horrified, realized that Pippin was suffering from deadly Hydralic Delusional Amnesia (or HDA), as he:
a) no longer realized that he was a hobbit and
b) belived that they were still in the presence of Rice Cube and the Queen...
"This is awful!" exclaimed Merry. "I must get him to a physician without delay."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/12/03 at 03:46 p.m.
"Hello," said the physician. "My name is Dr. Ruth. I hear that you and Peter Rabbit aren't feeling all too well today..."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/12/03 at 05:23 p.m.
Could this truly be the infamous Dr. Ruth the sexologist? Pippin's glazed look appeared to be clearing as he beheld the doctor. Delighted with this piece of good luck, he prepared to ask the question that had puzzled him since the beginning of time....
Merry quickly clapped a hand across his mouth and dragged him backwards, searching frantically for the safety of another thread....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 03/18/03 at 06:17 p.m.
Meanwhile, the Queen, the Mystic, and the Raccoon were disputing over what to do with all the Rice Cubes running around (having escaped from Sauron). They could not merely make they RC's vanish, but there had to be SOME way to get rid of them.
"I can't think of anything," sighed the Queen.
"I can't think of anything, either," muttered the Mystic.
"I can't think at all," the Raccoon said cheerfully. Then, suddenly, she had a brilliant idea: "What if we turned all these RC's into different RC's?"
"What do you mean by that?" demanded the Queen.
She could only mean one thing.....Russell Crowe, of course!
With a snap of her fingers, the Raccoon turned all the Rice Cubes into safer, much more handsome men, each with the identity of Russell Crowe.
"You just can't beat that," the Raccoon grinned. ;D
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/22/03 at 12:47 a.m.
Meanwhile, Merry was hiding behind an enormous oak tree, watching the latest developements, with his hand still clasped firmly over Pippin's mouth.
"Drat! " he exclaimed as the last Rice Cube was converted to Russell Crowe before his eyes. "2,750.000.099 I.G's wasted! I could have written the blasted check to myself. I don't think Russell is going to be captaining the Anteater anytime soon, with or without the electrotoggle...."
Dragging the still dazed Peregrine along, Meriadoc began to slip his way cautiously through the forest, attempting to put as much distance between himself and the Queen and her mad entourage as quickly as possible.
Unfortunately, he was so busy glancing behind him, that he tripped on the roots of a large beech tree and fell sprawling, right at the feet of...
The IGPS messenger!
Using his voxotranslator, the parafulgiaglax growled, "Hey buddy, you still owe me a 15% tip on 2,750.000.099 I.G's...."
"So sorry Sir," replied Merry, gazing apprehensively into the messenger's balefully scowling seven eyes; "I am afraid I am a bit short at the moment. But perhaps if you would like to go a few paces to the south, the Good Queen would be happy to reimburse you..."
"Nope." The paraflugiaglax was adamant. "What do you have in trade?" Several of his eyes focused on Pippin....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/22/03 at 02:03 p.m.
Pippin suddenly sprang from Meriadoc's grasp. He began to run around shouting "I'M A PONY!!!"
The parafluga........the parfagaxi.........the paflugasi....... the bad guy was very pleased. Very pleased indeed.
"This is great! And I was thinking about how much I needed to get my elbows in shape for the beech this summer!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/23/03 at 06:57 p.m.
Merry sprang into action. Swiftly he launched himself into the air, straight at the paraflugiaglax who was caught off guard and dropped like a stone under the attack. Simultaneously Merry groped in his pocket for the handcuffs. Snapping one ring around the messenger's wrist, he shouted for the Queen:
"Quick! You cannot believe what I've discovered....!"
Her curiousity piqued, the Queen rushed up, only to have her arm grasped by Merry and thrust into the other cuff.
Leaping to his feet, Merry grabbed Pippin and together they raced thru the woods seeking a hiding place. "Damn! muttered Merry as they ran... "Now I've got to get a new pair..." :(
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Peregrine on 03/24/03 at 00:46 a.m.
Thankful to Meriadoc for his release from the paraflugiaglax, Peregrine laid a big one unexpectedly on Meriadoc.
From their hiding place in the jungle the two pals watched shooting stars whiz by and thought that they should skip this turkey shoot and move to some Utopia somewhere, where Queens were benevolent, and ferocious anteaters were banned ! :o
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/24/03 at 10:03 a.m.
The night air was warm, the shooting stars were lovely, but slowly it began to dawn on our hobbit friends that they were cold and tired and hungry.
"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to eat...." mumbled Merry.
Yes, the realization had finally wormed it's way into Merry's consciousness that he had no bed, no pizza and no money to buy new handcuffs....
Oh what can our heros do....? ???
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/24/03 at 04:45 p.m.
They walked along the woods until they came upon a little cottage. Pippin knocked on the door, but nobody answered. Meriadoc knocked on the door, still nobody answered. So Pippin began to sign: "Hello? Is anybody home?" Still, nobody answered.
So the hobbits entered the cottage, not ready for what nobody had in store for them.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Anti_Pop_Superstar on 03/24/03 at 10:18 p.m.
For 20 minutes, the door opened. The Hobbits saw a shadow that frightened them. The voice sounded very incoherant. In a British accent. The person happened to to be Ozzy Osbourne!!! (He and his family rented a cottage for vacation.)
I guess the f****** prince of darkness scared the hobbits away.
They left the house and walked for 5 miles. They stumbled into the very deep, dark part of the woods. ???
The Hobbits saw some strange figures that lurked behind the trees.
Of course, they were afraid.
The "strange figures" happened to be the girls from "The Facts of Life"!!! All looking frumpy,haggardly, & dangerous.
They chased the Hobbits to their terrain, a misty swamp.
(Which was near the border of Cabartopia) :-X
Natalie & Joe tied them up and forced them to watch reruns of "The Facts of Life" or they'll become their slaves. :-/
The Hobbits were mortified and bemused.
They thought up of a plan to escape by throwing mud on Blair's head that caused her to be furious and to forget to lock the Hobbits in their chains. They ran until they reached a huge castle on another country that was inhabited by Queen Deborah Gibson of Cabertopia. Along with King Fernando. ;D
The hobbits entered the castle without worrying about the surcurity cameras & traps.
Queen Deborah was known to get irritable when commoners call her "Queen Debbie". She even bannished Princess Britney to Sin City when She called her "Queen Debbie" on her 32nd birthday. :P
Not to mention that Queen Deborah doesn't like unsuspected visitors. Especially hobbits.
Hail Queen Deborah! The Queen of Power & Beauty!!! ::)
Is Queen Deborah evil? No. She's just a fair ruler.
The Hobbits are the annoying ones.
They're as bad as Michael Moore's Oscar acceptance speech.
A picture of Deborah Gibson. She still looks great without make up. :)
http://www.naturally-deborah-gibson.net/cabaret%2005.jpgBTW, the picture is CLEAN.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/26/03 at 04:55 p.m.
The hobbits looked at this newcomer, Deborah, then looked at each other. They shrugged their shoulders and entered the cottage.
Meriadoc had hoped to see a trio singing a double canon at the ninth (is that possible?)
Pippin had hoped to see Larry the Cucumber and Bob the Tomato singing "Knights of the Round Table"
Well, they were both in for a big surprise....
When they opened the door, the 2 hobbits were pulled into a large aquarium. There they confronted a giant cartoon clam with large eyes. Pippin looked and saw that this clam was wearing some rather nice shoes.
"Docs!" he shouted. "Oh boy, Docs!"
The clam slapped the small hobbit with his foot. "Fool of a Took" he shouted.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 03/26/03 at 05:10 p.m.
Disgusted, the Marvelously Beautiful Mystic leaveth the irritating imbeciles in their miserable stupidity, and retreateth back to her ice-cavern home in the amnesia. Once there, she expecteth - no, DEMANDETH - no interruptions during her intense meditation while she consulteth the Ancient Hallowed Sphere of Time and Wisdom for that most coveted "swift and peaceful resolution..."
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/26/03 at 05:25 p.m.
Thus saith Taylor: "Hehe, you're gonna get a lotta **** from the message board." while Tabby just stared at the slinky
"Hey, I'M the one that FEEDEST thou!" shouted the Mystic.
"Eat my ****!" said Taylor.
"Well I have to clean it anway...."
There was a knock at the crystal door...smooth move...
The Mystic was not surprised to see Zelda standing dumbfounded where the door used to be.
The Cantina song from Star Wars began to play...and then...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 03/26/03 at 05:37 p.m.
...and then, the Mystic turneth of the noisy television, which the foolish felines so mischievously turned on. As she goeth toward the door, (which knocking was actually caused when Tabby chased a plastic ball into it), she catcheth sight of a mirthful intruder calmly making his way up the hill-side. Recognizing the intrepid visitor as the relentless Alexei, she immediately turneth about in preparation to baracade herself in. This task she may very well have accomplished had she not at the first been tripped by the annoying housepets, who sternly remindeth her that their food is still low, the water dish dry, and the litter box still...well...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 03/26/03 at 05:55 p.m.
the frantic Mystic rusheth about the house, doing the necessary feeding, watering, cleaning...and finally, enticeth the naughty cats into their play-room with the Catnip, and shutteth them in. The pets no longer underfoot, the Mystic turneth about to get back to her initial intention, only to see she is too late. The celebrated athlete standeth in her front room holding out an elaborately decorated...
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 03/26/03 at 05:58 p.m.
"WHAT IS THAT DOING IN HERE?!" screameth the Mystic in frustration. "WHO LET YOU IN?!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: MystiCofSingcratia on 03/26/03 at 06:12 p.m.
"I noticed that we both share the same birthday; I have come so that I would share my cake with you. As you know, I am a multi-gold medalist, so I cannot eat all of this myself..."
"We don't have the same birthday..."
"But...it says right here, on your church calander..."
From Alexei's hand, the Mystic furiously snatcheth the March issue of her church's calendar, and to her dismay, discovereth...
"ACH! NICHT WIEDER!" she shouteth as she noticeth her birthday had once again been misrecorded as occurring on the 18th, instead of the obvious St. Patrick's Day, which would have been correct. "NO WONDER EVERYONE ALWAYS FORGETS MY BIRTHDAY!! WHY WOULD ANYONE REMEMBER IT ON THE 18TH?!!! "
The perplexed skater stareth helplessly as the brooding Mystic snatched her half the cake she really didn't want in the first place, and finished it in about five bites... ("I had hoped you would have liked the chocolate side better...")
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 03/26/03 at 11:10 p.m.
The Mystic was very disappointed when her 4 post streak was broken. :(
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: wombert on 03/27/03 at 12:56 a.m.
...but relieved that the cake she had consumed had not been a loathesome shade of green.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/27/03 at 03:08 p.m.
Seeing that it would not be too long before the arrival of the 20th page, Alexei made his farewell speech:
Happy 4th of July, and God bless us, everyone. (Hmm, guess now all he needs to work on is timing...)
Then for a surprise encore, he went on to his farewell song:
"I've had the time of my life...and I OWE IT ALL TO MYSTIC OF SINGCRATIA!!!"
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/27/03 at 03:31 p.m.
Quoting:The clam slapped the small hobbit with his foot. "Fool of a Took" he shouted.
End Quote
Merry had often wondered when someone would finally say that. He had not, however, expected to hear it uttered by a clam....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/27/03 at 04:28 p.m.
Alexei buried his head in his hands and cried, for this fool of a Brandybuck had interrupted his song sequence. :'(
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/29/03 at 02:56 p.m.
Merry did not want to be in the cold aquarium, staring gloomily into the orifice of a talking clam. He was heartily sick of Queens, tribbles, bananas, dungeons, anteaters, doughnuts and Cliff Richard (well maybe not dungeons). He only wanted to dry off and get back to his interrupted honeymoon with Pippin....
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Indy Gent on 03/29/03 at 09:38 p.m.
But Pippin was still at the Blazers game because they went into overtime with the Lakers. Even though he was washed-up and on the bench, he still thought he could be a part of a NBA championship run.
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Meriadoc on 03/30/03 at 01:02 p.m.
And so Indy doth blithereth, blissfully unaware that Peregrine hath made a point of never watching Basketball, Football, Baseball etc. etc. as part of a one-man hobbit conspiracy to driveth Speedo Boy hopelessly insane, and also, therefore, Indy having the untrammled audacity (not to mention tenacity, duplicity and viscosity) to ejecteth sport into the Queen's beloved thread, is soon to findeth that he will be hopelessly and helplessly morphethed into a giant clam, and not a talking one either.... :o
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: QueenAmenRa on 03/30/03 at 05:01 p.m.
The Queen made her farewell speech:
"So long and thanks for all the fish."
She now urgeth all to take part in her new story, which the Mystic (and perhaps Wombert as well) would despise her for starting. ;D
THE END
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Chewbacca on 03/30/03 at 05:03 p.m.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Chewbacca on 03/30/03 at 05:03 p.m.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!
Subject: Re: MY Story (Continued...)
Written By: Chewbacca on 03/30/03 at 05:04 p.m.
arrrrrrrrrgh...