Ok I can't read anything from Rice Cube's story game so I'M starting one:

Once there was a guy named....Alex. (Code name) Let's say he liked to have a lot of fun...a little TOO much fun.  One night Alex went to the club with his fellow frat boys.  He drank and he drank and he drank and he drank. He drank and he drank and he drank and he drank. He drank and he drank and he drank and he drank.
After vomiting several times he passed out.  That night he dreamed he was on a cloud. Ah! Nice fluffy white cloud! The cloud floated around everywhere.  It floated to the left. It floated to the right. It went up and down and did loop-de-loops.  Oops! Chunks flying everywhere. Suddenly Alex was awakened by a bright light.  Then he heard a voice saying, "Alex *last name needed* ! COME ON DOWN!!!"  *cheesy music plays* "And here's your host: Bohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhbbbbbbbbbbbbb BBBBARRRRRRRRRRKER!"  *more cheesy music*
"Welcome to the stupid drunken frat boys edition of 'The Price is Right!' The first item is......."

I'll try to fix it for you...or have Chucky take a look at it if it's beyond my meager capabilities.  Trust me, the story makes no sense, so you're not missing a plot or anything ;)  It is fun though.

Let's see what I can do with your storyline...

"...A new CAR!!!"

"That's right, Alex B. Looney, you could win a new limited edition Poopswagen Yeti if you can guess the prices to these items...show us what he'll get, Barker's Beauties!"

So Alex, with his liver metabolizing more alcohol than all five James Bond actors combined ever, had to put prices on his five most dreaded items...


PS...I hope those of you who still can visit my story thread continue to contribute, I'd really appreciate it...this story shows a lot of promise too!  ;D

"First, it's Bob's antique collection of RARE BIRD DROPPINGS! Yes, you can have your very own collection in your home.  Show them to your friends! You'll throw great parties with these beauties around.  Or you can hang them in you NEW CAR (that is, if you get it) and have the fresh scent of bird feces linger in your automobile! All yours if the PRICE IS RIGHT!"  *clap clap clap*

"Ok Alex," said Bob.  "What is your wager?"

Alex knew he was supposed to say something, but couldn't remember exactly what.  "Oh," he mumbled to himself. "I've seen this show before. I think I'm supposed to say something like..." Then he loudly stuttered, "P-P-P-PLEASE HAVE YOUR PENGUIN SPAYED OR NEUTERED!"

"HEY!!" yelled Mr. Barker. "That's MY line!" His face grew red with anger. Then he said...

Then Alex became grouchy and irritable, and morphed into Alex Trebek. "Welcome Bob, to Jeopardy.", Trebek chimed. "This isn't Jeopardy you intoxicated moron. It's The Price Is Right.", Bob snapped back. "Oh, contrare, mon frere.", Alex snobbed. "It's Jeopardy alright! That is if your temper, diabetes, and blood pressure isn't under control. Okay, here's the $100 clue: "This very old pervert hosts a game show where floozies jump up and down in miniskirts, exposing their underpants." Just then, Bob started to charge at Alex, then Adam Sandler smacked Bob with a hockey stick. "That's payback, Bob, for that golf stunt you pulled on me in "Happy Gilmore".    

Meanwhile, Sean Connery, with eight shots of bourbon and scotch in his system and wandering aimlessly, stumbled onto the set.  Thinking this was "Celebrity Jeopardy," Connery started telling Trebek how his mother sucked eggs.  "Suck it, Trebek!  Suck it hard, and suck it good!"  Then Connery laughed heartily before collapsing onto his podium and went into a deep sleep.  But not before he let out a monster fart.

And then someone stepped into a time machine and went back to a time where you had to spend your winnings on "Wheel of Fortune" on stupid stuff like ceramic Dalmatians, and stupid idiots who put $1 or $2 leftover winnings on gift certificates redeemable at ritzy jewelry stores!  (Like, what can you buy for $1 or $2 at a ritzy jewelry store?)

Sadly, Alex happened to be one of these people who put $2 on a gift certificate to a ritzy jewelry store.  What was he thinking?!!!! Oh, that's right. He wasn't thinking (well, not very clearly anyway) because he had every alcoholic drink known to mankind still running through his system.  

Well, Alex got booted off the gameshow and decided to go spend his gift certificate.  He went to the jewelry store, where the saleswoman, at seeing his gift certificate, flashed a big smile and said, "Thanks for using your gift certificate!" But when she swiped the card and saw it only contained $2, her nose wrinkled in disgust. "Isn't there anything I can *cough* buy for $2?"  "Well,..." said the lady. "There is......ONE thing..."

Alex waited with baited breath for the saleswoman's $2 gift. He was aghast when the lady brought out a plastic bulldog. "What the f*** am I gonna do with a fake dog?" The woman answered, "You could have it spayed or neutered. That's what Bob Barker on the The Price Is Right says." Then Alex went berserk, and burned down the jewelry store, which was actually a police station in disguise. The woman was actually an undercover cop. Unfortunately for Alex, she survived the inferno, and she arrested the drunken bum.

Unfortunately, before she could take Alex to jail, an angry mob of hard-working taxpayers gathered to tell Alex off for burning down the police station and costing them future tax dollars to repair it.  Seeing as there were plenty of rocks and rubble from the damage and these were fundamentalist taxpayers, Alex was promptly stoned...

But of course, Alex was already stoned, so stoning him again was redundant, the taxpayers thought. "We need a new punishment for this loser", proclaimed Brian Fodera, a man who knows a thing or two about losing (In Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?) Alex cut in with, "How can you trust a man who didn't know the Tom Thumb question?" "That was Little Jack Horner," Brian griped. "And in the version my mom told me, he did pull out a blackbird." So the other taxpayers voted to put him on The Weakest Link.

Just in case they tried to pull the "Little Jack Horner" trick on him too, Alex sang the nursery rhyme to himself: "Little Miss Muffet ran up the clock with Goosey Goosey Gander, the three little pigs ran off with a blackbird, and Jill came tumbling after."

Poor, poor Alex.  With a mentality like that, it was obviously that he WAS the weakest link (good-bye).  What would ever become of Alex? Would he EVER get sober?  "Somebody SAVE me!!!" Alex grumbled, after spewing for the hundredth time.  Who WOULD save the day?

LOOK! IN THE SKY! IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A PLANE! NO, IT'S.........


(and if you write Superman...you obviously shouldn't be playing this game...not in MY story anyway)

ANNE ROBINSON!  Yes, Anne Robinson.  And she said to Alex, "You are the weakest link!  Goodbye!"  But Alex didn't leave…

Instead, Alex pulled a Rob Schneider and practically threw himself at poor Anne Robinson, who, without a producer to feed her quips and insults, was powerless against his advances...

Then Schneider started to bark like a dog and slobbered icicles all over Anne Robinson. Scott Gray, the 'other' host of The Weakest Link' slapped a newspaper at Schneider and yelled, "Bad doggy! Bad mutt!' and snapped on the leash.

The dog, suddenly angered by this assualt, morphs into a werewolf! http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/sf-talbain.gif "Pull my chain again, and I'll sever your arm from your body and beat you to death with it!"

The tugging abruptly stopped as the annoying host guy left skidmarks in his pants.  The werewolf morphed back into Rob Schneider, who was, for some reason, now acting like a woman in a man's body.  Rob picked up a pillow and smacked Anne Robinson so hard her dentures inverted.

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/beni-entertaunt.gif He then says,  "Hey boys...wanna wrestle?"

Little did Contestant QueenAmenRa realize that this game show was about to turn into shameless celebrity mud wrestling...

Britney Spears all of a sudden appears and says, "I wanna play! I wanna play!" She then proceeds to do a running body slam as only she can do it...http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/rmika-buttattack.gif

Celebrity Mud Wrestling challenger Mikhail Gorbachev appeared from behind the curtain, wearing nothing but rubber boots and a speedo.  He jiggled his body fat until it started to emanate harmonic vibrations.  These vibrations powered his "red spot" ray to unleash his power upon Britney, suffocating her butt attack!

"Ouch!" The ray zaps Britney right in the butt. http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/rmika-rubbingbum.gif

"I'm gonna call my boyfriend on you!" Mikhail laughs and says, "Who? Justin Timberfake?"

"Nope," says Britney. "BORIS!!!!"

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/zangief-oic.gif "Time to kick butt-skee!"  

Gorby looked at Boris' chest hair, and then remarked, "Looks like you put Rogaine on wrong part of body, comrade!"

Gorby then dialed 10-10-220 to talk to his friend, the Sub-Hindu, who teleported using his yoga mysticism to the center of the ring and zapped Boris in the butt with his "tika"-ray.

Boris and Sub-Hindu face off, and all of a sudden, both whip out onions and start chompiong them down. Then...on the count of three...both fighters belch! THe onions stink so badly, the air catches on fire!

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/zangief-flame.gifhttp
://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/dhalsim-yogaflame-sa1.gif

Bob Barker and Alex Trebek stand by and watch this debacle...then both turned around, got some lawn chairs and marshmallows, and roasted some s'mores.

Boris turns to Bob and Alex and says, "Um...Mr. Trebek, you forgot to phrase that in the form of a question-skee! I'm going to have to kick your butt-skee! Mr. Barker! Come on down!"

Bob Barker stands up, and suddenly morphs into BARKER-MAN!
http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/joseph_joestar-jj.gif "QUit singin' it, and start bringin' it!" he shouts.

Alex stands up and begins to spin around...and once he stops, he's morphed into his alter-ego: Tre-BULLFIGHTER! "I'll take "Kicking Your @$$" for $1,000, Boris!" http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/snk-laurence.gif

After whupping on Boris, Alex Tre-Bullfighter said, "Sorry, that's wrong..." in a disparaging tone, and Barker Man said, "The price is wrong, B!TCH!" a la his turn in Happy Gilmore.  :)

I love to read this thread but I don't want to contribute to it for fear of messing it up :-X

And then, from the past, a 13-year-old Crazy Don, clad only in what looks to be a Speedo, http://www.lanset.com/azazella/don%20in%20swimsuit.jpg, prepares for the butt-whoopin' of his life!

Toad took one look at 13-year-old Crazy Don and exclaimed, "Oh, it's terrible!  Our king has been transformed!  Please find the magic wand so we can change him back."  So Mario and Luigi set off to defeat the Koopas and retrieve the wand, but through seven castles they kept running into minions who said, "Thank you, Mario and Luigi, but our princess is in another castle!"  Finally they were able to find the Princess and the wand, and upon reverting to his real self, the king said, "Oh thank heavens!  I'm back to my old self again.  Thank you so much.  Here is a letter from the princess."  To which Mario said, "Well, it seems that the post office has some catching up to do."

Mario went to sit at his picnic table and began to read his letter from the princess.  But as he read, the table starting to rise quite a few inches.  Then his glass of milk slid down the table and spilled onto Luigi's lap.

getting a bit randy, aren't we?  ;)

alright...

Luigi jumped up as the milk hit his favorite pair of overalls.  The table continued to rise: Mario and Luigi had been sitting over a pipe, and a piranha plant had just woken up to toss the table away so it could get some sun.  Mario looked at his letter: "Watch out for hidden pipes," it said.  "Now she tells me!  Women..." Mario lamented.

Then Luigi started to have indigestion. To his horror, he discovered he had eaten the little red mushroom people. "Mario, Help! I've eaten the Portobellos", Luigi cried. Mario came to his rescue when he stuck his plunger in Luigi's esophagus. One by one, the little mushrooms were pumped out of Luigi's stomach. "I'm glad you didn't use the Drano, Brother.", Luigi wheezed.

Sadly, Luigi had also swallowed a psychedelic mushroom, and started tripping out.  Inadvertently, Luigi came into contact with a "fire flower" and, still tripping, proceeded to set the sound stage on fire...

Mario, always being the hero, says "Don't worry! I'll handle this! I'll just take a mushroom, and my jumps will put the fire out!" But, in his hurry, Mario swallows 5 mushrooms at once. The overdose on the mushrooms causes a strange chemical reaction, turning Mario into...

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/franco.gif
MEGA MARIO!!!

Little does Mega Mario know that above him Lakitu was ready to unleash an battle's dozen of spiny eggs...
http://nintendoatlantis.homestead.com/files/SMB_lakitu.gif

"You've got egg on your fact, Lakitu!" cries a voice from above the clouds. Then, down swoops

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/megaman-bird.gif

Megaman in his Beat-Cruiser to help out Mega Mario! "I'm gonna crack you just like those eggs!"

The sound stage quickly filled with Spiny Eggs and Hatched Spinys, and then from behind the curtain marched a plethora of buzzy beetles!  But no...those weren't beetles...they were Beatles, dressed from head-to-toe in fire-proof armor, ready to put out the fire with their yellow submarine!

And Peter Max took most of the credit for the Beatles successful dousing, because he drew all the Beatles and their yellow submarine. The ones that were save didn't even cared, nor did they care that the Beatles were not voiced by the band themselves. "Paul" gave credit to his "Wings", while "John" thanked God for the invention of Plastic Ono, George favored some "traveling wildberries". Ringo was just beating on his drums.  

...Then Michael Jackson came along and bought up all their songs and memorabilia, leaving the Beatles armorless and propless...

Then, as if a sign from above, the music gods smote Michael Jackson and made his nose fall off.

...and caused all his sneezes to sound like, "HOO!" which he decided to leave in some of the final versions of songs for his future albums...

...which angers Disco-Fro, the patron saint of the dance floor. "Yo, man, you can't be stealin' my groove, man!" he cries as he leaps onto the table. "It's time to throw down, jive-head sucka!"

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/jonesstance.gif

So Disco Fro and his Anglo-Saxon buddy, Disco Stu, proceeded to dance the night away, creating a Disco Inferno and causing Michael Jackson (sans nose) to have trouble Stayin' Alive.

::)

Somewhere off in the distance,  a long, loud groan is heard...

It was at this point that disco truly, finally died.

Thus giving birth to the next dance craze...BREAKDANCING!!!!

http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/duck-breakdance.gif

With DJ DizzyKat on the 1's & 2's, the Windmill Ninja takes the stage:

http://www.hurrah.freeserve.co.uk/breakdance.gif

Then, sensing a battle, The Jets from West Side Story all prance in and begin their musical attack number!

In a fit of spontaneity, Professor Frink from the Simpsons stepped in and started singing about urea to the tune of "Maria"...

Lisa Simpsons, shaking her head at the blatant use of toilet humor, just trudges away to her room...

Mega Mario and Luigi were getting into an intense argument over who was better, Michael Jackson or the Beatles.  Then, along to save the day, came...well, someone who LOOKED that Russian skater who tapdances ???    To ease their troubles he began to sing: "BoYs, boYs, crazY, boYs.......keep COOL boys...got a ROCKet, in my POCKet.....OWWWW!!!!!!! MY HIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a horror! What would become of the Russian skater? What would become of the Russian skater's hip? And would the Mario Fros. ever settle their dispute?

"This is stupid", yelled the Princess to the bickering Mario Fros.
"Everyone knows that Luther Vandross is da bomb." The Fros. looked at each other and said, "Who?!"

So Luther Vandross and Barry White joined forces to show the world what reeeeeeeeeeal soul is...they slammed their bass amps to the ground and started to duet "Always and Forever" and then Barry launched into "Can't Get Enough of Your Love," attracting snakes to his sweet low voice and away from the hordes of rabid snake-wackers...

http://mugentomb1.free.fr/edits/mrt.gif

Mr. T, tired of the constant bickering and bashing of snakes, shows up ready to brawl. "I pity the fool who be bashin' snakes, and not callin' 1-800 COLLECT!"

And then Carrot Top comes in and says, "Dial down the center, 1-800-CALL-ATT!" and then Mr. T comes in and beats him to a pulp, all the while saying "I pity the fool who doesn't dial 1-800-COLLECT!"

http://mugentomb1.free.fr/edits/tmnt.gif

"Hey! We LIKED Carrot Top! It's time to shell out some whoop @$$!!!"

Just then the Noid taunted the Ninja Turtles and they followed him as they figured a Domino's Pizza should be nearby...

http://laurenharman.tripod.com/halloween/images/photos/thenoid.jpg

So as the Ninja Turles proceeded to eat pizza and say "Cowabunga, dude!" at the same time, Mr. T was beating up everyone who was either not dialing 1-800-COLLECT or if they were using a cell phone.  It seemed the only two left uninjured were QueenAmenRa and.....Russell Crowe? Hey where did HE come from? Oh thats right: Australia.  
Hmm....Queen AmenRa......and Russell Crowe......this looks quite dangerous..... :-X

It seemed that Russell Crowe had dumped Meg Ryan for Queen AmenRa, but unfortunately Queen didn't like his brutish Kiwi-ness, so she slapped him.  Crowe went into a rage, but thankfully, Dennis Quaid stepped in and busted out a can of whupass before tossing him away at 98 miles per hour...which is about what he throws a baseball at in "The Rookie".

In the meantime, our ailing hero found himself mysteriously transported away deep into the Mountains of Amnesia.  Feeling somewhat in a daze, he watched as, descending the hill, who should be approaching him, but the gloriously beautiful, immortal Mystic of Singcratia, carrying in her hand the most coveted "Ancient Hallowed Sphere of Time and Wisdom."  (which, in appearance, is strikingly similar to a whiffle-ball...but most clearly is NOT!)  "Why hast thou sought out the most powerful Mystic of Singcratia?"

"I don't know; I think the narrator put me here...I really didn't have a choice..."

"Ah yes, thou hast had much that tormenteth thee, these past days...thy soul is in much turmoil..."

"Actually, I wasn't quite so bothered by that as much as this chronic swelling in my joint, so, if there is any way you could conjure up a quick cure and send me on my way..."

"The Mystic concerneth herself not with such petty matters; only the spiritual; come look into the 'Ancient Hallowed Sphere of Time and Wisdom' and declare thou what thou seest.."

"Well, I can see...you...or, at least parts of you..."

"NO, You moron; look INTO it, not THROUGH it..."
(regaining composure...)

"There is much that troubleth you now, and the Sphere foreshadoweth even more torments ahead...thou shouldst take much care in your procession..."

"okay, well, whatever..." he mumbled as he slowly lturned and limped back to the main road; at which time he heard one last utterance from the Mystic..."Do not despair; there is one redeeming light; my mortal sister, ruler of the mortals of Egypt...hath an OBSESSIVE crush on you..."

(I hate u becca....but it's all good now...;D  )


"WHAT??!!!!!!!" he shouted, turning around quickly and injuring his hip once again.  :-X  

"Have you not heard? QueenAmenRa, former ruler of the mortals of Egypt, hath become a polygamist, and hath married Bluto, Popeye, and Russell Crowe.  Therefore, disgracing the name of QueenAmenRa, she has passed the crown to the Mystic of Singcratia, which is I."

The young man with the hurt hip was ASTONISHED!   :o
Now he was going to...

Then, Old Man Periwinkle arrived from "The Match Game" and got amnesia. "Hey I thought we were still on the Antarctica thread. I don't belong here." An he went back.  

Suddenly, in walks a little boy he starts saying in an annoying voice:

"I want an easter egg, I want an easter egg, I want an easter egg..." http://www.gamegen.com/fightgen/characters/bao-taunting.gif

Then Elmer Fudd, decked out in Viking armor with his spear and magic helmet, started singing to the tune of "Flight of the Valkyries":  


Kill the WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBIT!!

"Wabbit?" asks a confused Papa Smurf. "Forget Wabbits? Isn't it Smucking Season?"
http://mugentomb1.free.fr/edits/smurf.gif

And in came Smurfette in a see-thru teddy and a thong that defied all laws of elasticity...

http://mugentomb1.free.fr/edits/smurf.gif She-Ra, who wandered into this realm of reality after having a fight with her brother Prince Adam, says "Back off, BI-ATCH! Blue Boy is MINE!"

So Smurfette put on her battle armor, and then, along with her four Smurfette clones, she said:

"Form feet and legs!"

"Form arms and body!"

"And I'll form the head!"

Thus arose SMURFATRON!  

In the minute or so it took to form Smurfatron, She-Ra just stood there dumbfoundedly when she could have easily dispatched the robot.  Oh well..."Bring it on, HO!"

As Elmer Fudd looked on he said, "Oh why do Chwistina & Bwitney always have to be the center of attention?  Now pwetending they're She-Wa & Smurfatwon?!"  ::)

And then Smurfette http://www.animationlibrary.com/Animation11/Creatures_and_Cartoons/Smurfs/Female_smurf.gif threw her arms around Speedo Boy http://www.lanset.com/azazella/don%20in%20swimsuit.jpg while Speedo Boy nervously fought off her advances…

Then, Elmer remembers the autographed photo Cristina sent him

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/6674.jpg -All my love, Cristina...


"Whoops her @$$, Cwistina!" he cries.

Oh, I'm gonna get nailed for that one...

"Good Heavens!" cried Fudd. "I forgot about this undwessed photo. Now I'm feewing fwisky!"

Britney strips off her disguise and shows Cristina what she really thinks of her.

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/5745.jpg

Britney strips off her disguise and shows Cristina what she really thinks of her.

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/5745.jpg

Elmer Fudd, Cristina and all the others present experience deja vu... ;)

Queen is gonna kick all y'allz @$$es :)

So Britney and Cristina, the two former Mouseketeers, started clawing and ripping at each other's hair...You know, how girls usually fight.

I figure I should get beat up too :)

Rice Cube grabs onto one enhanced breast on each girl to steady himself, and then unleashes the dreaded pillowfight attack!

Christina looks up and says, "Oh...bedtime...let me change into my costume..."

http://www.strangecosmos.com/images/picturejokes/6819.jpg

(It is a GOOD day to die)

Syncronos morphs into a Klingon warrior and beheads Britney and Cristina with his bat'leth!

"Ka'Plah!" ;D

Syncronos, the great Klingon Warrior, then threatened death to all those who don't watch Star Trek Nemesis this weekend in the theaters!  ;D

But then QueenAmenRa came back from her triple honeymoon, along with the Mystic of Singcratia, who was terrified, horrified, petrified, stupefied...by the people at the penguin board.  So QueenAmenRa healed the man with the broken hip and sicked him on everybody, especially Rice Cube and Sycronos, but ESPECIALLY Spear Britney and Christina Slutalera.

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:Lu2_M7B13WkC:sapporo.cool.ne.jp/sapporo/3035/Images01final/yaguex1.JPG

He trounced them left...

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:FEUA7UgEf8cC:espn.go.com/media/skating/2001/0122/photo/a_yagu_i.jpg

He trounced them right...

http://images.google.com/images?q=tbn:je8wwhqe8mQC:www.shanfan.com/nongymn/skating/men/yagudin/ay01sc8.jpg

And tap-danced on their heads

*oops! I didn't know it would do that if i put the "s" word*

Suddenly, Mario Lemieux and Wayne Gretzky, the most powerful hockey players in the universe, gave the skater a vicious hipcheck!  Rice Cube and Syncronos were saved!


*Sorry Queen, but you have to be corrupted sometime, and it might as well be us doing the corrupting*  ;)

(We'll try to keep it cleaner though)  ;D

Thus saith the most powerful and fearful Mystic:

"It is most unfortunate that these four men hath violated the most sacred law of the Cosmos, and hath stirred the anger of the most powerful and yet mortal Queen (those four being ML, WG, RC, and "Sync..."); for as ye findeth yourselves in much disagreeance with her new object of infatuation, ye have been fated to join forces in the new quest to rid our parallel universe of the most wicked one (who, by the way, really is NOT Ben Franklin...) "The fate of the world resteth on your journey's success..."

"What?!" exclaims the newly re-injured athlete.  "You saw how they hurt me? Why didn't you just summon your...powers...and...just, whisk them away into the 'Dark caverns of dispair'...forever...or something...I do not think that the "Queen is going to be very happy with you..."

"SILENCE, FOOL!"  
"Only by your combined resources shalt ye overcome the minions of evil which liveth in the burning hills of Shadow and Darkness; Ye shall there wrest with the most wicked himself; which person remaineth nameless...but whose initials are 'rob schneider'..."

"But," says RC..."who will protect us? Are you coming with us?"

"I must remain...for, as to thy wish that thou hath stated; from the deeps recesses in my Blessed Mount of Timbre, I shall view with my All-seeing Eye the long-expected "StarTrek:Nemesis" picture...

I like ^...she's creative ;)

Alright, time to bring out the shizzity...

So Rice Cube and Syncronos left Mario and Wayne and the now-incapacitated skater.  With Mysticofwhatever's blessing, RC and Sync charged on, leaving many a figure skater's decapitated head in their wake as a sign of their immense power and ruthlessness.  Nothing could keep them from their prize...A SIXTY-FOUR OUNCE BUCKET OF POPCORN WITH UNLIMITED REFILLS!!!
;D

So they went to their doomed destination of Rob Schneider's palace, whose butler was Tim Curry. Mr. Curry was *very* happy to see them, but when he saw Syncronos he asked for a credit card...   With a deep and slow voice, Syncronos replied with, "Credit carrrrrd?...Yewwwww GAWWWT ittttt..."   Oh what a horrible place!
Then they saw the master of disaster (a.k.a. rob schneider) who said "Welcome to the PIT of deSPAIR...don't even *cough wheeze*....don't even think about gettin' outta here."

The 4 men were forced to endure the "machine"...which, of course, was...

THE ILUDIUM Q-36 EXPLOSIVE SPACE MODULATOR!!!

http://www.toonopedia.com/martian.jpg

Good heavens!  Whatever will they do to escape the evil forces of Marvin the Martian?

"Earth obstructs my view of Venus", Marvin snidely said. "I must destroy it. Send in my Instant Martians." He reach over for a bottle of his giant Martian pills. However it was snatch in the nick of time but Keifer Sutherland, who flushed the pills down the toilet. Bad move, Keif.

Suddenly, with the force of a thousand high school standard issue cherry bombs, the pipes in the entire building exploded as ostrich-like Instant Martians popped up from everywhere!

Braveheart stepped in with his Scottish troops and addressed his men in the coming battle against the evil Martians..."They may take our lives, but they'll ne'er make us MARTIANS!!!"

Then they mooned the Martians, because as y'all know, Scots don't wear anything under their kilts.

Then Glen Campbell suddenly arrived to sing "The Scotsman", even though it was originally by some other guy. The Martians seemed very disturbed by the noise coming from Glen's mouth and they scattered. It seems like the music we know and love is death for the aliens.

They could not escape!  The Martians tried to claw their way out through the walls, but Bob Barker had designed his sound stage so that NOBODY could ever escape from his tapings.  

Then they brought in John Stamos' no-talent brother, who started to sing "Loving You".  When he hit the high note, the Martians exploded!  Everyone was buried under a heap of festering Martian carrion.

With much effort, our intrepid warriors peeled the smoldering masses of flesh off of their bodies and stood to face the remaining Martian, faces set as if in defiance.

Since my original followup to my story line involving Smurfette and Speedo Boy was deemed too racy to place on the board, I have substituted the following, which is not as racy…

Meanwhile, Smurfette http://www.animationlibrary.com/Animation11/Creatures_and_Cartoons/Smurfs/Female_smurf.gif continued making her advances to Speedo Boy http://www.lanset.com/azazella/don%20in%20swimsuit.jpg but Speedo Boy remained uninterested.  Smurfette continued her seduction of Speedo Boy, but Speedo Boy got more nervous.  Then, out of nowhere, Papa Smurf http://www.animationlibrary.com/Animation11/Creatures_and_Cartoons/Smurfs/Old_smurf_2.gif came along and said, "Smurfette!  What are you doing to that poor boy!  Can't you see he doesn't want you?  And besides, you should be seducing your own kind!  Don't you know you're the only girl Smurf?  Why are you fooling around with this boy who obviously doesn't want you?"  Smurfette said, "But Papa Smurf!  The boy looked sexy!  He's wearing a blue Speedo!  And I'm a sucker for guys in blue Speedos!  After all, I'm not blue because I'm sad!"

And all this was happening while the space modulator was trying to be diverted from Earth…

Then Drunken Smurf got into an argument with the bartender. "Gimme more Moby Cocktails.", Drunk Smurf piped. "You had enough," said Aretha Franklin as she took away his car keys. "And let the Speedo boy take you home." She didn't know that Speedo had too much vino himself and was ranting about Smurfette's passes.

In the nick of time, Bugs Bunny snatched the car keys from Aretha and said, "Eh, Doc, you shouldn't give them to this maroon..." and drove Drunken Smurf back to his mushroom.  Meanwhile, the bartender kicked Speedo Boy out of his bar because he was being obnoxious again.

As Speedo was trying to explain his side of the story, editors of The National Enquirerer jump on this story and publish a front page story titled, "Smurfette Sexually Harrassed In Bar". Speedo was infuriated, and went to the Enquierer's office with a summons and a shotgun, just in case.

Speedo Boy landed in the street, right on his speedo covered a$$. Before he could get up, Drunken Smurf (who had beat the cr@p out of Bugs Bunny and thrown him in the trunk) came tearing around the corner and mowed down Speedo Boy.

Speedo then fired a shot at Drunken's car, killing him instantly. Brainy Smurf saw everything, but he was so hyper that the courts acquitted Speedo of any wrongdoing, ignoring the tire tracks on Speedo's face. "Outrage!" Papa Smurf said. Judge Gargamel then jailed Papa for comtempt, with bailiff Aziel Catt carrying him off.

Papa Smurf, before he could be hauled out of the courtroom (which shouldn't be hard considering he's a SMURF, for Pete's sake), pulled one of those really awesome Matrix moves and escaped from Azrael, in the process stealing Azrael's gun and shooting the Speedo Boy, killing him instantly.

"This is inconceivable!" cried Fezzini.

"Of course, Fezzini!" cried Brainy Smurf.  "Cats don't carry guns.  And Papa Smurf always says..."

http://www.sunion.warwick.ac.uk/cheemu/brainysmurf.gif

And then Brainy Smurf started quoting passages from Marxist literature, as the Smurfs are a Communist nation and Papa Smurf is their fearless leader.

Just then Jokey Smurf walks into the courtroom with a present for Brainy Smurf...

http://www.geocities.com/smurfy_stephanie/11farce.gif

"Happy Birthday, Brainy Smurf!  Heeya ya yaya ha ha!"

Brainy Smurf opens the gift and...
http://www.geocities.com/smurfy_stephanie/whitesmurf15.jpg

The box exploded!  Jokey Smurf's joke box had so much punch that the landscape turned into red X's on a white background...

Brainy Smurf lost his tact and started yelling at Jokey..."You smurfing smurf!  I'll smurfing smurf you you smurfing smurf smurf smurfersmurfer!!!"

Elsewhere, Hairspray Smurf's eardrums were bleeding...

"Heeya heeyaya ya!" laughed Jokey Smurf.  "That was a special gift from geocities.com.  Hope you liked it..."

Papa Smurf couldn't help but to chuckle at Jokey's antics.

Judge Gargamel pounded his gavel in disgust.  "SILENCE!" he bellowed.  Papa Smurf was arrested and sent to jail...

Just then Hefty Smurf entered the courtroom..."Nobody's taking Papa Smurf to jail!" and he pounded Judge Gargamel on the head with his gavel.

http://members.tripod.com/~MerryJane421/pic/hefty.gif

"I HATE JAIL!"  Scowled Grouchy Smurf.

http://home.pon.net/mira/smurfs/smurf/smurf1.jpg

Just then, the Court of Gargamel was plunged into the ocean, where the surface-dwellers were besieged by an army of Snorks!

"My pants are all SMURFED!" gargled Brainy Smurf as he sat on the bottom of the ocean. "Papa Smuuur-rrrrrrf....!"

"I HATE Smurfed pants!" shouted Grouchy Smurf.

Perhaps 'tis time that we spoke
Of why even underwater, Smurfs don't croak.
You see they have special glands
To make their ocean breathing stand
So they can travel anywhere
Even in places with no air.
Magical creatures these Smurfs are,
But will this push their bodies too far?

Suddenly, Alex returned, awakened from his state of drunkenness.  "Where did YOU come from?" Smurfette asked.  "You leave that there boy alone!!" shouted Grandpa Smurf.  "I don't know," Alex stated, answering Smurfette's question.  "I just went to the bar with my peeps and next thing I know, I'm in a room full of Smurfs....no wait....I seem to remember something about a......"  
Then Bob Barker came running up. "THERE you are!!!!  Come over so I can REALLY teach ya what it means when the price is right..."    "No" shouted Alex Trebek.  "I'M taking him."     "NononoNO....body can trounce him like I can," said the skater boy.  
But Alex feared not, for he picked up the remote and turned the TV off, destroying all the creatures of the television world (yes, including the Russian skater).  But what is that light over there? He walked closer, and closer, and closer until he saw the great Whiffle Ball....I mean, the Ancient Hallowed Sphere of Time and Wisdom.  Melefocent, I mean, the Mystic of Singcratia suddenly appeared before him and told him...

"Now, the guy is going to throw a slider low and away, but watch the whiffle-holes to get a feel for the curve too..."  Alex swung away, and hit a home run off of Roger Clemens, who at this point in his career is no better than a whiffle-pitcher anyway.

The next time up, Alex hit a short grounder to first, but as luck would have it, Bill Buckner let it roll through his legs...AGAIN.

"HOLY COW!" Exclaimed Harry Carey.  "It's been a while since we've seen that sort of mishap on the field..."

Millions (and I mean millions) of Red Sox fans stormed the field with tar, feathers and guns & ammo and beat the living daylights out of Buckner as the Mets pranced off the field to celebrate their victory, with Alex as their MVP of the Whiffle Series.

Then Sean Connery showed up.  "Alex, you most valuable b@$tard, why don't you try some of my clam chowda?  Your mother likes it..."

Alex was perplexed..."Connery!" he gasped.  "I thought I'd gotten rid of you once and for all, once Will Ferrell left SNL!"

Connery retorted: "Nevah, Trebek!  Now Shuck it hard, and Shuck it good!"

And out of nowhere Opera Man arrives to narrate the scene:

"Host of Jeopardy-o
Wiffle Ball MVP-o
Then his archrival-a
Came to give him hell-a

Talks of clam chow-da
Ruckus getting loud-a
Trebek-a has a frown-a
Sean has told him to go downtown-a!"
;D

After the angry mob was finished beating up Buckner, Matt Foley crashed through the center field wall and told Buckner, "It's okay, HOMBRE!!!  You gotta suck it in and take them out, or you'll end up like me and live in a VAN down by the RIVER!!!"

Meanwhile, Alex was curious as to why he had become trapped in a world of sports.  But he was even more curious as to why Mr. Connery had called him "Trebek."  He looked in the mirror.  "Oh! I suppose I shoot lose the facial hair...and the fro..."   So he did.
But Sean Connery tried to attack him again. Alex started to run.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran. "TAXI!" he shouted. The taxi stopped and Alex got in. "Whoo!" he sighed. "At least I'm safe in this nice warm taxi...with these 2 wh***s sitting next to me...and this bong to comfort me....WAIT a minute!" He looked at the taxi driver and SCREAMED!!!!!!! He was terrified, horrified, petrified, STUPEFIED...by the taxi driver.  It was...

...none other than Louie DePalma. "Reager!", Louie screamed. "You're supposed to be driving a cab. Where did you leave my cab?!!!" "I-I-I don't know what you mean," quizzed Alex. Louie then barked, "Don't gimme that dum-dum drivel, Reager! I know you were with Nardo and Banta in the three-way, you idiot!" "Hey, aren't you married to Carla on "Cheers"?", Alex chirped. Louie's face turned beat red. "Don't change the freakin' subject."  

Then Louie's bigger stronger twin brother, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, got into the cab...

The only problem was Schwartzenegger was carrying a baby and his water had just broke. "Let me help you Arnold", said Alex. But Arnold just gave Alex a punck in the solar plexus and said, "Get away from me, you pervert."

Except it sounded more like, "Geht ah-wehy frahm me you peh-veht" because Arnold, for some reason, had a really thick Austrian accent.

Louie then stopped for two ladies that were trying to hail a cab.  It turned out to be Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney.

"Hey Louie!" shouted Laverne.  "You's got room for two more?"

"IT'S NOT A TUMAH!!!" cried Arnold.

Then, Syncronos magically appears. "It's not a tumor," he explains. "All those steroids have taken this affect, and as a result, he's...*ahem*...shrank."

Arnold, seeing his manhood criticized, went on a Terminator-style rampage across south central Los Angeles.

...and singing, "dis is HOW we do it."  Meanwhile, LAPD  captured the rampage on video from helicopters above...

...and Rodney King, back for another 15 minutes of fame, asked once more, "Can't we all just get along...and have some Ball Park Franks?"

Just then Michael Jordan showed up with 10 cases of Ball Park Franks and Gatorade and decided to throw a barbecue at Inglewood's Siminski Park, since it rhymed with Kaminsky Park.

Arnold was instantly pacified as he remembered his childhood days in Austria, when he had bratwurst and streudels at Grandma Ah-nuld's mountain cottage...

...and there was always someone atop one of the mountains yodeling, "Ricola!"

Suddenly, one of the alphorn players fell!  If not for Mr. Fantastic's stretchiness forming a net, he surely would have met his doom that day...instead, he thanked Mr. Fantastic, saying...

"Saving my life was a stretch, even for you..."  ;D

Arnold chuckled at this memory of his childhood, and he decided to go back to Austria to his Grandma's house.  Unfortunately his niece, Gretta, (whom he had never heard of) was living there and wanted her Uncle Ah-nold to play with her.  He didn't want to, but Grandma Ah-nold started beated him with a spoon, so he was forced to.
Gretta gave Ah-nold her stuffed horse, goat and monkey to play with, while she played with her monster that was visiting "Ah-nold's Drive-In"    
"Horse feet......PLEEEEEEEEESSS!"
"No, sah-ry, no hohrss feet."
"Goat feet........PLEEEEEEEEESSS!"
"No, sah-ry, no goat feet."
"Monkey feet......PLEEEEEEEESSS!"
"No, sah-ry, no mahnkee feet."
"Ah-nold feet......PLEEEEEEEEESSSS!"
"No, sah-ry, no  *chomp*  AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The monster had chipped its teeth on Ah-nuld's Terminator endoskeleton.  Ah-nuld said, "Thaht's what you geht fohr trying to eat me, now let me take a look at thaht too-mah!"  And he ripped off the poor monster's head and kicked it all the way to Graz, his hometown, where he played Monster Soccer at Arnold Schwarzeneggar Stadium.

From deep in the hills in the Amnesia, the beautiful and compassionate Mystic of Singcratia hath looked into her sacred orb, and seeing the taunts and torments railed upon the miserable Arnold.  In her pity she transporteth him back unto her City of Serenity, where he resteth, and easeth himself, in luxurious comfort.  He hath been accompanied, at his request, by the lovely Maria Schriver, and in the midst of his journey, the Mystic hath added to his company, the most popular "Opera Man," who serenadeth them with the beloved musical number - "Maria"

"Ma-RIII-AAAAA; Maria, Maria, Ma-RIII-AAAAA..."

"Ma-RII-AAAA...I've just met a girl named Maria..."

Arnold screamed! This was no pleasant place to be!  
"I neet to go bahck to whehre I was before. I cahn be free in Amehricah."
"For a small free in America," said a strange little Puerto Rican.
Arnold screamed again. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  
When he got to the border of Europe, he jumped. He jumped so far he landed in America. Then he ran some more. He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.  He ran and he ran and he ran and he ran.
Finally he stopped to look at where he was.  Hmm.....that's funny....it looks awfully......animated. Then he looked up at the sign: "Welcome to Oklahoma, Native American land."

"OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Queen then appeared to greet Ah-nuld...The BAND Queen, that is.  As Ah-nuld finished screeching his last "No!" Freddie Mercury launched into the Bohemian Rhapsody...

Oh mama mia mama mia!  mama mia let me go!

Beeeeeeeeelzebub has a devil put aside for meeeeeee...for meeeeeee... for MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Freddie Mercury's high note shattered windows for miles around.

As teens across the land saw the windows shatter while in their cars they knew there was only one thing left to do...and they started headbanging...

And as the tune died down, they all flicked their Zippo lighters into the air and waved back and forth in one universal motion...

Arnold watched as suddenly the teens with their lights became animated as well.  Then all the lights were thrown onto a giant bonfire.  Ah-nold was horrified! He was still on Native American land a.k.a. land of the cartoon Indians.  Ah-nold looked off to the side to see a very very young QueenAmenRa, who was also terrified of the cartoon Indians.  
But, surprisingly, Alex came along to save the day.
"Mr. Schwartzenegger, THIS....makes the red man red"
"Why, whaht iss wahhtehrmelahn, uhf corss!"

Hooray! The cartoon Indians had now disappeared to their watermelon feast and the very very young Queen no longer was frightened.  The "Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy" theme played as everyone cheered for Ah-nold.

But something was still wrong........

Zaphod Beeblebrox and Trillian whisked Ah-nuld and Alex away to their spaceship and zoomed away a second before Earth exploded.  On their way to the Restaurant at the end of the Universe, Zaphod explained that Alex and Trillian would have to breed in order to further the human race.  Alex looked at Zaphod's clipboard and noted that he had crossed out the name "Arthur Dent"...

So the threesome lived happily ever after because the nice story which QueenAmenRa had begun was starting to get a bit long and stupid, thanks to her lowwwwwwwwly servant Rice Cube.  ;)

THE END

As Queen AmenRa was about to end the story, Rice Cube shouted, "Hey, this thread hasn't reached 20 pages yet. What's your hurry, Q?" Just then, the irritable Queen zapped Rice with her Story Suicide Machine, and Rice was trapped. She then took care of her other slaves Crazy Don, Race Bannon, and Sam Rice Gamgee.

And... er... the Queen ran off with Russell Crowe to live happily ever after.

Russell, however, being an Aussie, had a serious problem with monarchy.  He was quite the anarchist himself.  Can these two get along...?

(Theme from "The Odd Couple" begins to play...)

Suddenly, the Queen and Russ were visited by the ghosts of Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. "Don't go on with it. I've had three mistakes due to marriage.", Lemmon shrieked. "You idiot.", piped Matthau. "It's the freaking Queen and Russell Crow." While the two were trading jabs, Tony Randall and Jack Klugman. Randall was still depressed because he lost his unrequited love Rock Hudson several years back, and Klugman couldn't speak. "Woe is me, woe is me", shrieked Randall. "You idiot," shouted back Klugman. "That was 15 years ago."

Suddenly, a light appeared.  Lemmon and Matthau looked into it and were instantly transfixed.  Then, amazingly, they recruited Jimmy Stewart, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jr. and created the ultimate in terror...the Ultra-Mega-Grumpy-Old-Manotron!

Who reached deep into his pockets and pulled out a crispylicious bag of.... watermelon pickles! http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/mittelgrosse/mittelgr124.gif

Russell Crowe suddenly sprang into action.  As he sang his theme song ("Makin' movies, makin' songs, and fightin' 'round the world!"), he thoroughly trounced the Ultra-Mega-Grumpy-Old-Manotron.

The Queen was impressed.  But just as she was about to cry "My hero!" and rush to his arms, Russell was distracted by a passing blonde and ran off in pursuit.

"Forget it!" said the Queen.  "This man is too macho!"

So she turned to the next on her list of prospects... a Russian figure skater.

The everlasting Mystic appeareth to the Queen, and giveth her counsel:

"Thou dearest, and misguided Queen; take heed and harken unto the counsel of thy most wise sister;

"It seemeth well that thou shouldest choose such an one as your intended, for indeed, he shareth that same quality as yourself, your sister, the Mystic, thy new-found friend Wombert, and even this thy history, which thing is that he will neither die, nor go away...

"Do consider that though he may well enclasp some semblance of intellectual thought, his limited experience in your familiar language doth not betray it; yea, verily, this day, through the sacred 'Sphere' have I seen this minimal vocabulary diplayed, as he endeavoreth to replace this short-fall with a particular knack for reading cue cards...(much in the manner of Sy Goldblum of 'Spatula City...')

"Thou shalt indeed approach this new object of infatuation with kindness, but yet, with caution...as his sexual orientation remaineth yet unconfirmed..."

"Hey!" exclaimed the Queen.  "Don't you be dissin' my man!"

The Mystic chuckled to herself (she thought "man" was overstating it a bit) and disappeared, leaving the Queen to find out for herself.

The Queen began the search for the newest object of her affections, and sure enough, he was at the local ice rink, giving skating lessons to children. ("How sweet!" she thought to herself.)

However, when she entered, she found him sitting on the ice, surrounded by a small group of young children... and he was crying.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

The man sobbed, "I've been looking all over for my darling Sasha Cohen, the ice child. But she is not there." The Queen then counselled him, "Don't you known that Miss Cohen is still a child herself and the Police will arrest you for molesting?" "Yes, I know, but Sasha makes such big splits. She has to be mine." Just then, the Queen called her royal subjects to arrest "The Man". "It's for your own good", she sighed.

By this time the Queen was getting quite suspicious......"WAIT A MINUTE!" she exclaimed. "YOU'RE not Kirk!"  She was quite furious with her sis the Mystic, and her other sis the Wombert for encouraging the Mystic to give the Queen the wrong list.  Now their punishment was to listen to "Battle Hymn of the Republic" while watching "Glory."   However, Wombert didn't have a problem with it: she just stared at Denzel Washington......while Aki cried.

Anyway the Queen went on her search for Kirk.  She finally found him trying to learn to ice skate (since swimming season was over).  Of course, she could never find Kirk without also spotting out the handsome (and very sexy) E........I mean, Bluto.  :-[    Of course, the two young men saw the Queen and started yet another argument on who would be heir to the throne.  (They knew that one of themselves stood a chance now that Russell Crowe was out of the picture)

Captain James T. Kirk of the starship Enterprise then beamed down with Mr. Spock, tricorder in hand, and said, "I heard someone down here hailed for Kirk...I am here, now where do I start shooting Klingons?"

Mr. Spock just raised one eyebrow in mock fascination.

Captain Kirk suddenly noticed the other children at the ice skate and was struck with the sudden urge to become a skating coach.

"Follow me!" cried Kirk; "I will be your new leader, my ... little friends, my... small friends."

Kirk cautiously glided to the other end of the rink followed by a stumbling bunch of toddlers struggling to stay upright.

The Queen was more than glad to be rid of the balding and overweight starfleet captain, and luckily Spock followed his lead and went to direct the children in the most logical manner of skating.

The Queen's happiness was short-lived, however, for just then the Russian figure skater entered the rink searching for her.

"I must have you, my Queen!" he proclaimed, and proceeded to perform the most beautiful routine she had ever seen, accompanied by the music to Swan Lake.  It was so moving she almost relented, but suddenly caught herself:

"No!" she said.  "Forget it! This man is too sensitive!"

The Russian, crushed by her rejection, fled sobbing into the arms of a rather manly female skating coach named Svetlana, or Tatiana, or something.  

The Queen turned back to Kirk (Let's call him Kirky to avoid confusion with James T.) and Bluto.

"I must have a man who is neither too macho nor too sensitive, too handsome or too ugly, too conceited or too self-conscious... he must be JUST RIGHT!"

And so the battle for her affections began...

The only way Kirky knew how to impress the Queen was to sing.  So he sang his famous "La Donna e Mobile.":

"La donna e mobile
Qual piuma al vento......

...la donna e MObile
Qual piuma al VENto
Mutto d'aCCENNNNNNNNNNTOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
E DI pensier!"

Of course, at hearing the part in bold, E.....I mean....Bluto.....felt quite offended! So he threw a rock.
"Oh my eye!" shouted Kirky.  
Bluto laughed and laughed and laughed. But then! "Wait a minute!" he thought to himself.  She said I can't be too macho.....hmm.........  So he rushed over to Kirk's side and pretended to help him.
While the Queen couldn't decide which was sexier: Bluto's strong arm.......or Kirky's beautiful voice....and black eye....

At this point Opera Man pops back in to narrate a bit of the story:

"Here we see-a
Kirk and Spock-o
Kirk got beaned-a
By a rock-o

It was Bluto
Being mean-a
Then he tried to
Impress the Queen-a!"

Bluto became so enraged at Opera Man's song that he suddenly morphed into a monster! ...unfortunately, instead of the terrifying creature he had intended, he was transformed into the gentler-dispositioned Sulley of Monsters, Inc.  Not to be outdone, Kirky also transformed himself... into Sulley's one-eyed sidekick.  (He only had one good eye left, anyway...)

The Queen wasn't quite sure what to make of this latest development, but she couldn't deny a certain attraction to the warmer, fuzzier Sulley... er, Bluto.

Unfortunately, the many movie incarnations of Steve Buscemi suddenly materialized in front of the Queen and Sulley.  There was Mr. Pink, that dude from Fargo, the hobo from Big Daddy, Rockhound, and Crazy-Eyes, all singing the really bad rendition of "True"...

Infuriated by yet another obscure movie reference, Bluto -despite being trapped in the form of a mild-mannered animated character - suddenly lunged at Rice Cube and chomped off his head!

And there was much rejoicing. (yaaaaay.)

Opera Man, who had retreated at Bluto's initial transformation, briefly overcame his timidity to interject yet another verse:

Bluto just ate some Rice,
And it wasn't basmati -
But I'll say, just to be nice,
That Condoleezza's a hottie.

However, seeing the increasing anger in Bluto's eyes, he quickly silenced himself once more.

The Queen was surprised at Bluto's violence, but grateful at the same time.  Mixed emotions, to be sure, and it didn't help her to see that Bluto and Kirky were now engaged in a game of soccer with Rice's severed head.

She turned to Opera Man and momentarily regarded him as yet another potential candidate - but recalling the Russian fiasco, decided to leave him for her youngest sister, who had a penchant for opera singers.

And so, once again, she was left to decide between two monsters...

Rice Cube's severed head abruptly disintegrated...and on the bleeding stump of Rice Cube's decapitated body grew another head!  It seems that Rice Cube is immortal...thank goodness Rice Cube uses his powers of regeneration for good...instead of evil.

Rice Cube decided to take it easy for a while and go to Vegas to booze up and meet women.

In his absence, the Queen and her suitors would be entertained by his mutant clone...

...Rice Cream.   ;)

Meanwhile, approximately 8.7 million religious groups protested about how suggestive "Rice Cream" sounded, because they all had sticks shoved way up their @$$es.  Rice Cube and Rice Cream told them to lighten up, then Cube went to Vegas and Cream...did his thing.

And Rice Cream's thing was, sadly enough, inappropriate dance.

As Cream performed his offensive gyrations to the tune of Sir Mixalot's "Baby Got Back", the religious groups let out a collective scream.  Some covered their ears, others covered their eyes, and all ran howling to the far corners of the earth.

(And somewhere Jerry Falwell clutched his brow, and told his young protege, "I have felt a great disturbance in the Force"... but that belongs in a different story.)

Rice Cream, upset at losing such a large audience in such a short time, was desparate to impress those that remained - namely, the Queen, Bluto, and Kirky.  However, realizing that he had no more smooth moves, he decided to take a few lessons.  Fortunately for him, a down-on-his-luck Russian figure skater was offering Olympic quality dance lessons at affordable prices.

His departure left the Queen without her necessary entertainment.  Bluto and Kirky quickly tried to fill the void with their own song and dance...

So Kirky did his "Baseball/I've got it!" dance while Bluto sang "He's a brass band. He's a harpsichord. He's a clarinet!"
But this caused the Queen to scream in terror and yank her hair out (but it grew back VERY quickly).  
When she looked at them again they were playing their favorite card game: Dirty Irish/Hungryman Rat.  (They had no dough 2 play poker).  As they played they started to "sing" a rap song to the rhythm of the cards....it was quite odd......quite odd indeed.........

Then the Queen and Rice had coincidental nose bleeds from the line drive hit by Barry Bonds.

Naturally, since Rice Cream was Rice Cube's clone, Cream also had Cube's uncanny regenerative abilities...so his nosebleed was fine.  He did, however, have to find a bucket to collect Queen's blood so he could transfuse it back in later ::)

Just then Opera Man began spewing the chorus from Busta Rhymes' "Make It Clap:"

In case you ain't know and in case you ain't heard-a
And if you want us to set it just give me the word-a
This one goes out to my soldiers that be flippin them birds-a
To all my shorties wigglin they shakin they curves-a

Just make it clap-a, *clap-clap clap-clap, clap-clap clap-clap*
Just make it clap-a, *clap-clap clap-clap, clap-clap clap-clap*
Just make it clap-a, *clap-clap clap-clap, clap-clap clap-clap*
Just make it clap-a, *clap-clap clap-clap, clap-clap clap-clap*



This caused Rice Cream to go into Freak Mode and dance again...he had improved since his lessons with the skater.

A most mysterious cacophony eminating from the realm of the mortals hath unfortunately reached the ears of the slumbering Mystic, disturbing her winter hybernation.  She riseth up out of sleep, and emergeth from her wintery, crystal cave.  There she espieth a forlorn "Opera Man," who, while searching for new entertainment venues, strayeth into the forgotten lands of the Amnesia.  At the threshhold of the Mystic's dwelling, he imploreth her to aid him, and give rest, as he is weary from his travels.  The groggy, yet lucid Mystic perceiveth his true intent to remain in indefinite period of time, especially that he may establish a new post as chief entertainer to the many prominent guests as well as poor mortals who seek solace at her legendary abode.  

"Thou mayest dwell here, at thy leisure, for the extent of my seasonal rest, and afterwards, as long as my patience continueth with thee (as now, it beginneth to wear thin...)  Though thou mayest find thyself in comfort and luxury here, many tasks there may be laid upon you, as this is the expense of thy living. The Mystic once again retireth, and returneth to sleep."

The "Opera Man" believeth he hath found a life of good promise here, and setteth about exploring the expansive residence of the Mystic.  

And now, let the mortal sisters of the Mystic be wary, and heed her warning; whilst she is yet slumbering, let her not again be stirred from rest; Should she should be vexed by repeated return of those characters long intended to be eliminated plot, and now assumably cannot be, there may have to be revealed the dark side of the enlightened one...

The Mystic drew closer to her chamber and beckoned Opera Man to come and lull her to sleep.  He drew nearer and nearer. Ah! Now it was plain to see-he was a very odd-looking individual with curly reddish hair. Opera Man needed a good song to sing to the Mystic........then he had an AHA! Why, he was already known for his "Comfort ye"  Now he needed a sequel:


Every skater (strings play)
EVERY SKATEhhR at Salt Lake City
(stings play again)
at SAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHLT LAKE CITY
at Sahhhhhhhh-AH! ahhhh-AHLT! lake city!
Shall perform triple luxes low
My hip now is straight
My hip now is straight: MY HIP NHOW IS STRAIGHT
But Alexei's a layyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYdy

My HIHHHHHHHP is straight
(harpsichord roll) but alexeIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiii   is A LADY!



The Mystic was sitting straight up in her chamber, biting her nails and pulling out her hair.
It was h-h-horribibble! What would she do now?

Meanwhile the Queen was enraged with Wombert for stealing her demon AND her Waterboy quote (although she claimed it was from SNL) and was plotting a way to get back at her.

It doth appear that the Mystic is also subject to the occasional nightmare.  Such an absurd scenario could never be realized, for not only is it unlikely that the "Opera Man" possesseth the imagination to conjure up such a verse; but how thinkest thou that the Supreme and Awesome Mystic should invite a mere mortal man into her private chambers?

Suddenly, the Mystic told Opera Man, "I'm sorry, sir. But you are interrupting my sleep patterns. I was just having a troubling lesbian dream, and you ruined it. Try to keep down the tunage, Sandler." "Oh, dearest Mystic", cried Opera Man. "I do not wished to disturb your dreaming, but can you give me some copies for Rob Schneider and my clone since they really love it when lesbians are in embracing mode."

At which point Rob Schneider chimed in - "The Mystic.  The Myst-o-mizer. Makin' copies..."

The Mystic promptly cast both out from her inner chambers, and proclaimed that both should wait out the time of her slumber in the least luxurious of her guest rooms (which was right next to the ice machine, no less).

Doomed to an extended period of boredom, the two tried to amuse themselves with humorous sketches.  Opera Man said to Rob, "Look at me! I'm crazy Opera Man! Now give me some candy!"

And though she was resting in the depths of her cavernous abode, the Mystic could still hear their cavorting.  With a painful groan she retrieved her ear plugs from the crystalline nightstand.  And finally, in blissful silence, she drifted into pleasant dreams of more talented mortals.  Lulled by their enchanting melodies in a thousand languages, she would not stir for many months.

The Queen, on the other hand, was not so fortunate.  Obsessed with the uniqueness (or lack thereof) of her personal quote, she scoured the SNL libraries in search of the alternate quote.  And there, in last season's episode with Gwyneth Paltrow, was the final blow: a sketch with Gwyneth singing hippie-style songs along to Jimmy Fallon's guitar.  The Queen went mad with rage.  Wombert tried to point out the subtle differences between mockery and theft, but she would have none of it.  Instead, she embarked on a grand quest to purge the earth of anything even minutely similar to her trademark...

The Queen heard a knock on her door. "Who in the Royal's name is disturbing the Queen's peace?" "Land Shark", was the faint reply. "Land shark?!!" the Queen barked. "How absurd? Are you sure you're not one of those SNL knaves trying to patronize the Queen's Palace?" Then the voice said, "Candy Gram". "Oh, my Knight in Shining Armour must have delivered something for my Sweet Tooth." She opened her Royal Gate and was immediately swallowed up by the Land Shark. Apparently, the shark also swallowed the Royal Guard and the Mystic too.

...Just then Linda Richmond walked in and saw the land shark feeding on the remains of Mystic.  

"Now I'm all Veklempt! (sp)" she gasped.  "Okay, I'll give you a topic...the Thompson Twins were neither named Thompson nor were they twins...discuss..."

Sadly, Indy Gent and DJ Midas were mistaken, for the Mystic was still safely locked in the depths of her crystal cavern.  It was, in fact, the Queen's other sister Wombert being ingested by the land shark.  :(  After the shark swallowed the Queen, her Royal Guard, and her sister Wombert whole, they convened a small meeting within its stomach.

"We must escape!" cried the Queen.

"It sure would be nice if the Mystic could help us out," said Wombert, glancing up and around.

Nothing happened.  Wombert spoke louder: "I said, we could sure use the Mystic's help right now..."

But alas, the Mystic was deaf to the mortals' cries for help.  Thanks to the tasteless hijinks of Opera Man and Rob, the Mystic's ethereal ear plugs ensured that she would not be disturbed, even by the pleas of her dear sisters.

When there was no reply - not even the slightest hint of her sister's magical presence - Wombert slumped to the floor of the fish's belly.  "She's not coming," she said with a pout.

The Queen was desperate.  She turned to her suitors (now part of her Royal Guard) and said, "If one of you could get us out of this mess, I would be very, very grateful..."

The two, eager to please their intended betrothed, immediately took action.  Bluto began pummeling the side of the shark's gut, while Kirky began singing in an attempt to give the shark indigestion.

It wasn't working.  

Wombert suddenly had an idea - "Boy, did anyone notice how much this shark looks like the Queen's devil icon?"

The Queen became immediately enraged.  "WHAT??!" she exclaimed.  "How dare he steal from me!!!!"

And in her fury, she rushed at the side of the shark's stomach, screaming, clawing, and spinning in the manner of the Tasmanian devil.  In no time at all, she had torn a hole in the shark's side, through which they all escaped.

Once free, the Queen turned to Wombert, and said, "I'm, uh, grateful that..."

"Oh, don't bother," said Wombert.  "Go back to your flirting."

Bluto and Kirky, having failed to impress the Queen in this incident, were even more desperate than before...

In an attempt to impress the Queen, Bluto displays his strength/stupidity by holding a 50lb. bomb in one hand above his shoulders....

http://www.characterlandwa.com.au/blutoCol.JPG

But, of course, the bomb explodes in Bluto's hands. And Popeye, no longer co-dependant on his yucky spinach, beats up the blackened badman and tosses him out into the sea, sinking the Sea Hag's wretched dinghy.

So the Queen turned to Kirky a.k.a. Popeye (idiots!) and batted her eyes at him in affection.  But for Bluto THIS WOULD NOT DO!  He had to do the same, but first he needed to find some new clothes. Ah! I beige-ish colored.......um......outfit.....oh what a nice little design on the side!....
Bluto beat Kirky to a pulp, but his costume was giving him an aura of power and he felt there was much more work to be done! (He was also unaware that in the previous blast, most of his gotee had been blown off, leaving just a smidgen below his nose.)  
"Where is that man whom I am sent to condemn?" He shouted to himself, spitting all over the place while doing so.  "AH! ]INDY!"
*Kirky sings "Ugly people" to the tune of "Indiana Jones theme"*

Ugly peopLLLLLLLe
doot doo-dooooooooooooooo
Ugly peopLLLLLLLe
doot-doo-doo-doo-doo


Meanwhile Bluto beat "Indy" to more than a pulp, til he was no longer capable of producing insults (or producing anything else for that matter  :-X)

But, ah yes. The land shark came back to finish what he started. After chewing up the Queen and spitting out her entrails, he then chomped on Bluto and Popeye, with Olive Oyl watching in horror. Then Land Shark, victorious and satisfied, marched for bigger fish to fry, namely Rice Cream and the Mystic. As for Indy, the forgiving powers of God saved him and his crown jewels, and he married supermodel Yamila.

"...Now the queen-a
Is a dead-o
Land-a Shark-a
Bit off her head-o...

...And-a Indy
Got Yamil-a
And now everything's
A-chill-a..."

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Theater/4567/chopra.jpg

Ah! But poor Indy had not realized what he had done.  By writing in the story he had given the Queen a power similar to ones used by the Mystic (who, btw was NOT lesbian).  So after observing this whole crazy ordeal, the Queen (a.k.a. Olive Oyl) conjured up her powers to bring back Bluto and Kirky, her two beloved. Then she gave lots of money to Indy in order to bribe him not to put the Mystic into another state of hysteria.  Besides, after the incident of Bluto beating him up, he would need the dough to keep Yamila happy on their honeymoon  :-[

Anyway, the 2 intended were each still trying to win the heart of the Queen.  Unfortunately, this strange Opera Man kept showing up to irritate them  >:(   Why would he not stop? I guess these Midas brakes aren't working.  >:(

...suddenly Opera Man transforms into Cajun Man...

"irritation?

aggravation?

perhaps a little more...marelaxation?"

Indy took the money from the Queen and said, "Thank you for your generous monetary gift. I will by me some Viagia and a phallic enhancer." He then made a rain dance that flooded the Royal Palace, with the Queen, Bluto, and Kirky gasping for breath. "Ha! Ha!" cheered Indy victoriously. "That will teach you to cuckold me with you Bluto-hemians!"

Whilst in mid-slumber, the Mystic cometh to her senses; she arrangeth the permanent removal of RS from her residence (do not ask how; you would rather not know).  This, of course, leaveth the "Opera Man" without a playmate; the Mystic, to weary to front an argument, alloweth him to invite a replacement upon the promise that they shall remain on their best behavior.  Not altogether convinced, she settleth for his word anyhow, and returneth to her rest, with somewhat a sense of foreboding.

And as for "Indy:"

How should he be so blind?  Yamilla was yet another ploy by the Nazis to weasel out of him the secret clues that would reveal the final resting place of the latest sought-after sacred relic.  The cunning Yamilla, after  obtaining the coveted information, she switcheth his "medication" with a toxic replacement. Once he hath died peacefully in his sleep, then cometh the Nazis to dispose of his body in the Rhein.

Indy may be dumb, but he wasn't going to let any Nazis dump his body in the Rhein. After recovering from the toxic substance, he got out of his straightjacket thanks to a shoulder separation, and bashed in the heads of all the Nazis that dumped him. Then, he sliced and diced Yamila like Jason, and fed all of her remains to the Land Shark.  "How could you?", cried the Mystic, who was also a Nazi sympathiser. So he sliced up the Mystic and chimed, "That's how, Nazi B!tch."

Oh foolish one! Dost thou not know that no mortal weapon can destroy the Mystic!

Anyway the Opera Man chose a new playmate, who only knew how to say one thing. So the Opera Man had him sing with him.


Who stole a cookie-a
From the big jar-o?



That would....that would.....that would be me



Who likes to watch-a
Olympic ice-skating-o



That would....that would.....that would be me



Who likes Alexei?
Thinks he is sexy



That would....that would.....that would be me


Of course this immediately awoke the Mystic, again terrified and disturbed beyond belief.  ???  
And of course she blamed the whole incident on the Queen and was determined in her mind that the Queen had a crush on this skater. She just wouldn't accept the fact that it was HERSELF that was obsessed with watching ice skating.
Besides, it couldn't be the Queen, she was too busy with her 2 other suitors.

Who troubleth the spirits of the mystical realm?  What new mortal disturbeth the rest of the Almighty Mystic?

"OPERA MAN!  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?  All the mortal men in the world, and you had to choose this one!  Ah, the repercussions!  What horrors shall ensue!  The NIGHTMARE will begin again..."

"Hey!" exclameth the Opera Man.  "He may be getting up in years, but I wouldn't exactly call him a NIGHTMARE..."

The nervous mystic pointeth beyond them.  Sure enough, between the two comedians, they have managed to conjure up the presence of the perpetually recurring skater-boy...

Oops...

Naturally the Mystic should have expelled all three visitors at once; however, as she had just aroused from slumber - not being able to reason quite clearly, (and suffering from dangerously low blood-glucose levels), she findeth herself unable to reject the pleas of her three guests.  She urgeth them to busy themselves away from her chambers as she ordereth her servants to prepare dinner.  

The Opera Man eagerly leads the others in exploration of the Mystics expansive grounds.  Bob respondeth with dry humor as he is presented with the various ancient artifacts of which the decor consists, and Alexei pondereth the many occupations the Opera Man hath happily assumed at his new residence.  "Opera Man, are you the one who sings as entertainment to the mysterious lady's guests?"

"I am."

"If she is supposed to be so powerful, and enchanting, why does she not serenade them herself?"

A suddenly silence followeth, as doth a rush of air, as though the very walls of the crystal caves have gasped in shock and amazement.

"Don't you know the the tale?  Let me show you something..."

They enter the "Cave of Mortality," the ancient burial site of some of the Mystic's former guests...

"These are the unfortunate souls she once sang to; apparently her voice is so mesmerizing, the mortals who hear her are so enthralled, they forget to eat and starve to death..."

...then Opera Man stopped mid-thought.  Frantic and perplexed, he blurted out:

"Why am I-a
Not-a singing,
I don't make-a
Ears-a ringing...

I got a good-a
Singing voice-o
Given to me not by choice-o!"

"Oh sweet Mystic-a
Killed with serenade-o
So enchanting...
They never ate-o..."

"Why?! WHY??!! Mama mia!" cries Opera Man as he runs off leaving Bob and Alexei to fend for themselves...

After scaring the Mystic senseless (edited from the other word) with his resurrection, Indy thanked Opera Man once again for his assistance. "Now that my is at peace and the Mystic is shredded wheat, let's say we go out and find some supermodels that don't work for the Nazis?" "Righty-o", sang Opera Man.

Rice Cube, having returned from his Vegas vacation, walked into the room, decided that he had no idea what the hell was going on, and walked slowly out to go to P3...

Rice was aghast when he saw the Mystic's body covered with her green blood in his P(cubed). "Ma", he yelled. "Who left their snot in my game player and didn't clean it up?"

But then the Mystic arose and the green snot-like goo immediately vanished from her body.  
"Hoo-ray!  :D ," Alexei shouted with mockish joy.  "Now I can talk her the question I wait to ask."  ???  It's ok, he's Russian: it's not supposed to make sense.  "Oh Mystic, can you sing to us?"

Suddenly a lavishly prepared feast was set in front of them. They 2 were about to take a bite, but then, she sang.  

Oh it was so beautiful! Naturally, they set down their silver ware.  Of course it made Bob angry. And Alexei, being hypoglycemic, became frustrated with his hunger. So he cried.  He buried his head in his hands exactly the way that hippos don't.

Our two friends may well have suffered the sad fate of starvation, had it not been for the intervention of the gently nagging Mrs. Clause.  She stormeth into the dinner hall, and crieth out, "Eat, eat!"  She feedeth them of her famous vegetarian North Pole stew, which promptly releases them from the spell of the magically beautiful singing...

...and quickly transforms them into Hans and Franz!

http://www.gurlpages.com/pattyogreen/images/hansnfranz.jpg

Who came here because they want to pump...YOU up!!

Then Santa himself brought out a 6-pack of beer specially made in the North Pole.  This brand of alcoholic beverage was commonly used at parties where people would make the hostess do exotic dances.  Santa and Bob opened the cans and had a couple laughs.  But for Alexei, this sort of behavior would not do- partly because the beer was from the North Pole, but mostly because he never got invited to those sorts of parties.

Santa and Bob were about to make the hostess do terrible, wicked, vile, shameless things.  But then Alexei decided to make a sacrifice and provide the entertainment instead.  He skated for them and did his famous tap-dance routine.  But, naturally, his rival-Plushenko-arrived and tried to show him up.  He did HIS famous skating routine, which resembled that of something a female skater would do.  Sadly for himself, the background music chosen was from the opera Carmen and so  he fell.

Plushenko could not get up from the position he was in. "HELP!" he shouted.  But nobody seemed to care, except for a knight in shining armor who was far, far away. (Obviously he had a very keen sense of hearing). "A cry for help! Don't worry-I'LL save you!"  He ran towards the skating rink, slaying many people (among whom was Santa Clause, Bob Newhart, and Rob Schneider).  He came in ready to sweep the fallen one into his arms.  "You came to RESCUE me!" said Plushenko.  "uh......."   Then the Mystic came into view, quite upset.  "What are you doing?! You can't just barge in here like that, killing people and such!"  "I'm sorry but, well I thought his man was a girl."  "OH well I can understand THAT....now let's just think of a way to get rid of these wretched (and Russian) skater boys and you'll be forgiven."

"I have an idea," said the knight.  He pulled out his MP3 player and played a couple lines from an Avril Lavigne song:

He was a skater boy
I said see you later boy...

It worked - a little too well, in fact.  The Russian skaters shrieked in agony and fled as fast as their sparkling little skates would take them.  Unfortunately, however, the song had its effect on the others as well.  The Mystic was looking a bit green and the Queen was convulsing on the floor.  Wombert showed up just in time to slap the silly knight senseless for playing such a stupid, stupid song.

Thankfully, Aretha Franklin stormed into the room with her bad self and busted out "Think" and revitalized everyone's soul.  Everyone was saved!  Aretha's diva powers caused the evil music knight's head to explode.

Then Hans & Franz turned to the skaters.  "Listen to me now and hear me laytah, girly skater men," said Franz. "We hahve to PAHMP...you UP so you can defeat the Knight in shining AHmor.  So get your flabby pecs in working ordah and start flexing...like this." Hans and Franz proceeded to demonstrate their poses for Alexei and Plushenko.

Then Hans turned around and said "Nevah mind, you flabby little girly skaters...Arethah Franklin already pummelled the girly knight with her musculah lungs & pecs."

Of course, since the knight was dead, lacking a head and all, Hans and Franz didn't have to do much more than pose and talk about their cousin Ah-nuld.

Just then Louie showed up again.  Hans and Franz turned up their noses at him.  "I don't know how on this world you think you ahre Ah-nuld's twin brothah, you flabby little pancake," said Hans.

Then they looked on the floor to see the Queen, still in the middle of a grand mal ceizure.  Bluto and Kirky fought each other to be the first to her side.  However, they both arrived at the same time.  When the Queen awoke, she was still a bit out of it and went into some sort of a Disney song sequence:

I can't do it I can't do it
I can't help my epilepsy

Kirky was so happy that she was....well.....almost back to normal.  However, Bluto took all the credit for her recovery and went into his own song sequence from a Christmas movie that should have been long forgotten by now, but suddenly came back to everyone's memory to terrorize them:

Rock rock rock
Rockin' Bluto
Roll roll roll
Rockin' Bluto
See me walkin' (see me walkin')
With a "ho ho ho!"


Well this certainly doth stir up the wrath of the Queen! So much for HIM winning her favor.

The Queen didn't like Bluto calling her a "ho" at all.  No, not one bit.  So she summoned her other parts and became the Ultra-Mega-Queen, and then whipped her sword of energy out and sliced poor Bluto in half.  You wouldn't think Bluto would've exploded, but he did!  Even though it was a few days after New Year's celebration, people from miles around still enjoyed the pyrotechnics show.

Such a wondrous sight all hath enjoyed around the world.  Our Russian-skater-friends tap-dance for very pleasure, whilst in Austria, Hanz, Franz, and their cousin Arnold howl in delight.  And even at the quiet "Mouse" residence, Minnie glanceth up from her notorious knitting, and in ecstacy, squealeth out, "Oh, BLUTO!"

But Bluto, being the dum-dum that he is, rejected Minnie's advances and tended back to the Queen. Minnie then set her sights on Kirky, who was rejected by the Queen. "I know you don't have anything against sleeping with a mouse.", gushed Minnie. "Sorry, Minnie.", quipped Kirky. You're already taken. And besides, the doctor said for me to cut down on cheese."

Meanwhile, it seems that Smurfette was still flirting with Speedo Boy!  Yes, while all this was going on, Smurfette continued to flirt with Speedo Boy!  But Speedo Boy got sick of her advances and got out a giant can of hairspray!  Yes, Speedo Boy shot the hairspray right between the eyes of the unsuspecting Smurfette!  And Queen AmenRa and Wombert and MystiCofSingcratia all cheered as Speedo Boy brought Smurfette to her knees!  And everybody else left in the story also cheered as Speedo Boy brought down the very amorous Smurf!  But what should come around the corner but a female Digimon hot (and I mean hot) on their tracks!

But Digimon girl was not interested in Speedo Boy at all, only for revenge. With a can of Raid, she blinded our 'hero' and reduced the man's sperm count. Then she went after Queen AmenRa and her gang. Spinning her web, she captured all of the Queen's fools and kept them in Indy's prison, both satisfied with their vengance.

...and as the prisoners howled and promised revenge, Digimon Girl retorted every comment with one much wittier than her adversaries'.

Hans cried, "We ahr going to PAHMP up our muscles and break out of here, you girly little tin pussycat!"  Hans and Franz then began a furious frenzy of flex poses...

While they were flexing, Hans and Franz decided to go on a world-wide butt-muscle tour, where they would go to countries with dictators and smash their skulls in using nothing but their clenching butt-cheeks.  Hans was particularly merciless, unleashing a monster baked-bean fart as he crushed Saddam Hussein's head with his posterior prowess.

Mr. Tiscic decided to join Hans & Franz on their tour and when the brothers were tired Tiscic would stand far away from the dictators and crush their heads with his thumb and forefinger...

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Cinema/4868/tiscic.wav

However, Mr. Tiscic had to "block them out" when Saddam's skull finally caved in...

...Indy and Digimon girl just rolled their eyes at all the tomfoolery... ::)

Everyone laughed as Speedo Boy played with Saddam's skull like it was a ball.  

Then Saddam's head was transformed into the Ancient Hallowed Sphere of Time and Wisdom. The Mystic, Queen, and Wombert were all restored and in perfect health.  QueenAmenRa was grateful of DJ Midas for giving her a gweat idea, yet she was very angry at Crazy Don a.k.a. Speedo Boy (because he's FAAAAT! he's FAAAAAAAAAT!!!) for bringing back such pointless and communist topics to the story. She was also angry with the rest of the board members for engaging such repulsive writing.
Wombert took care of them though: "Come along children! Time for school, and you know what you get if you're good!"  http://www.fortunecity.com/silverstone/pontiac/387/lollipop.wav
However, they still could not behave, so the Mystic once again sicked Alexei on them, who, surprisingly had taken up on an entirely different type of entertainment.
http://www.dazzled.com/queenamenra/russia.mid
While the board members were being tortured, the 3 mighty sisters engaged in talk of their childhood memories. Wombert and the Queen also shared the appreciation of the powers that the Mystic had given unto them: although they were getting quite up in their age, the magic powers had allowed them to maintain their beauty forever.
Suddenly lightning struck a nearby tree, yet it became not damaged. First money fell out of the tree. Then a couple was seen nearby kissing. Then a small dog ran out from behind the tree.  "Rimshot! RIMSHOT!" an old man shouted with glee.  Yet the 3 sisters pouted. "There's nothing in that tree for us!" said the Mystic. Then a young girl in rags walked out. "I have a sister?" Wombert asked, astonished. "Wrong line, you idiot!" the Mystic said whacking her in the head. Meanwhile the Queen slowly walked towards the young girl. "MY SISSSTERRRR! MY SISSSSSTERRRRRR!!!!!"  The 4 sisters were so happy they decided to play a game of Talking Table.

(Rachel-do u remember Talking Table?)

Whoops! Have NO idea how THAT happened with the link  :-[  sorry guys

The old man chasing the dog was none other than Ernest P. Worrell, still searching for some vintage Nigerian miak to vanquish the demons he had unwittingly unleashed...

(Ok guys, Rhoda wants to make a quick, short contribution using my SN)

Ahhh, the memories of the cardboard box...Rhoda (who does NOT have penchant for opera singers!!) remembered the days. Although she HATED having to sit under the box THAT QUEEN AMENRA WAS BRINGING DOWN THE AISLE RIGHT NOW!! Well anyway the other 3 sisters gathered around the box. (Rhoda makes the sound affects in the little asterisks.) "I have a cold," Wombert snickered. *Cough Cough* "I'm hungry" the Mystic giggled. *Grrrrrrrr*  "I have to sneeze" Queen AmenRa snorted. Unfortunately the only sneezing sound Rhoda knew how to make was... *Plushenko* Well at the sound of his name the gay little skater appeared. "Run awwaaayyyyyyy!!!"   Rhoda and Queen AmenRa ran into the first house they came to. Nervously they knocked on a bedroom door. A pudgy man with a rather scraggly mullet and beard (whom Queen AmenRa immediately recognized, of course) answered the door and said, "Hi I'm Russel Crowe. C'mon in, mate." The 2 sisters watched in horror as he performed his rendition of "Respect." Fortunately, to their rescue came someone they had never met before. He wore a...well, sort of plaid outfit...and a nice little hat...and some huge glasses...and he had a mustache that resembled that of Weird Al's on UHF....Could it be? Yes!! It was.....

UNCLE NUTSY!  He's found us!  Quick, run!

And so they ran away...far far away from the insane maniac with the whupping stick.

The other board members came home from school. Having not received a lollipop, they were quite hungry. Uncle Nutsy decided to let them snack on Mrs. Hockinburgers's Butter Cookies.  But wait.....UH-OH! Rice Cube (and the gang) has been eating Yappy's Dog Treats! Your dog will love that real liver and tuna taste  :-X...........with JUST A HINT OF CHEEEEEEEEEEESE!

After the children ate their cookies, Eric Cartman arrived to take them home, while singing...

http://www.geocities.com/mattgiusto/southpark/ghetto.wav

Then Kyle shocked Cartman with a cattle prod because he hit the wrong notes, and Cartman yelled at him in ways that I cannot even begin to describe without getting my punk @$$ kicked by Hairspray Penguin ;)

Then Cartman calmed down.  "Oh Kenny, yer so poor.  How'd ya get that cattle prod, eh?"

Kenny said nothing, as usual. He got stabbed by another prod and Cartman yelled, "Omigod, Hairspray Penguin killed Kenny!" ;)

After a half a day of shock, Cartman said, "Oh well, Kenny was poor and didn't respect my authori-tie anyways."  He then noticed the dog treats.  "Well, what do we have over nyah?"

Cartman starts singing the Cheesy-Poofs song as he digs into the treats...which actually taste a lot like Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls!

"Aw, Chef, I looooooooove yo chocolate salty balls!"

"Why thank you, children," replied Chef.  "Say Queenie, I don't believe you've ever tasted my chocolate salty balls..."

Meanwhile, having crossed the boundaries of good taste, Rice Cube and DJ Midas were now exploring the unknown...

...Suddenly Hans, Franz & Tiscic arrive back from their world tour.  "Vee ahr Hungry and need PROteen...," said Franz.  They went straight for the dog biscuits.  "I can crrrush them! Yes!  Just like crushing heads!" exclaimed Tiscic.

Then the Mystic came to crush their heads because all of them were getting on her nerves.
"Now down to business," said she.  The Mystic was a little worried about the reputation of the recurring skater, and his status was now questionable since he had been seen skating to the classic Tom Jones hit, "She's a Lady."  So she arranged a marriage between him and Pamela Anderson, but he was hesitant.

"Listen to a story, young lad.  Once there were four sisters, who will remain anonymous but their initials are CrazyRacoonGurl124, Wombert, QueenAmenRa, and MysticofSingCratia.  The first sister married, and became a house wife. The second one obtained a gift of wisdom, became educated further, got married, and became a house wife as well.  The third sister dominated everything, holding everyone hostage with her beauteous eye; she married and THEN became a housewife.  But the FOURTH ONE! The fourth one married not and kept all of her wondrous gifts."
"What are you trying to tell me?"  
"Uh, well...that you MUST me married! You yourself will become a housewife, as you have wished, and your wife shall surely comfort and please you in many ways."
"But I don't like her!"
"What?! How is that possible? She's got huuuuuuge...tracks of land...oh never mind, I'm afraid I see where we're going with this. Listen, Alexis..."  
"ALEXEI!!!"
"Alexei...if you marry her, I shall bestow upon you the gift of beauty, the gift of wisdom, not to mention she'll provide you with great wealth."  
"But I don't want any of that! I'd rather...I'd rather..."
"Rather what?"
"I'd rather....just......SKATE!"
"NO STOP! NONE OF THAT! You're not doing to skate while I'M here!"

So Alexei was being forced to marry someone of the opposite sex so as to restore his reputation. He jumped out of the window of the Mystic crystal tower, but don't worry, he'll be back, as this skater boy never goes away!

*"He's just a sk8erboi,
I said 'see you later, boy'..."*

The sounds of this in the Mystic's head caused her blood to boil...

In an effort to stem this new punk diva-ism, True Divas Aretha Franklin and Ella Fitzgerald descended from the skies and unleashed notes that could both fell strong structures and warm the hearts of men.

Jimmy Somerville and Sylvester decide to join Aretha and Ella for a rousing rendition of "You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)" that gets everybody dancing...

Jimmy Sommerville was so obscure even he didn't know who he was. ;D

(ok I'm new to this so DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME!!!!!)

Then the Mystic and Queen AmenRa showed them all up and showed them how singing was REALLY done. :D

Meanwhile the skater had unfortunately been saved by a man with the strangest-looking bike he had ever seen. He brought the man to the Mystic and the Queen to see what they thought of him. The Queen fainted at the sight of the man, and the Mystic's bowl of petunias said, "Oh no, not again." It was, of course, Bluto. Then came in his trusty side-kick, Kirk. They were pretty mad that the board members abandoned them for Smurfs and Russians. They decided to take action...

However, at the last minute, Bluto changed his mind. "This story is so confusing now, I don't think I'm caught up yet myself." And he left Kirky to defend himeself.

Then suddenly they were both transported to the Oklahoma All-State Women's Chorus.  They walked in the back of the rehearsal room and listened to all the beautiful sounds created by this wondrous choir.  But then Kirk started to cry.  "Perchè piangi?" asked Bluto. "Huh?" "Why are you crying?" "Well," said Kirk, "it's just so beautiful....that....the 'diet' effect is taking place on me even though I wasn't trying to eat in the first place."  Bluto looked at Kirk to see that he was losing centimeters off his waist by the second.  Kirk started to fall, but Bluto caught him in his arms. "Oh nonononono!!!!!!! Kirk....kirk....you're too young to diet!...Kirk SPEAK to me! Please!"  
No answer. So he yelled at all the young women: "STOP, LADIES, PRAY!"
They all turned around, gasped, and in unison, sung:
A MAN!!!!
Bluto was startled a looked around a little before he realized they were talking about him.  Then he begged for help for his dear, dieting, friend.  Of course they all shunned him and shooed him away.  "Man," said Bluto to himself. "If only a good find some sort of....witch doctor...or something to heal Kirk."
Luckily, there was a witch doctor right in the lobby.  She told him he needed the hair of a young innocent girl.  Well, Bluto knew just the place to get that...but how would he sneak in? "If only I had some sort of wig..." "Oh, hey, I think I've got one here SOMEWHERE...ah! here we go! Right next to my Love Potion #9."  So Bluto went to hide in the Alto section and was just about to pluck the hair from one girl's head, when he realized just how fun it was to sing like a girl. He joined in and was so excited that it caused his wig to fall off.  He panicked! What would he do? He grabbed the hair of the girl in front of him. She turned around, an angry look on her face. Bluto stammered, "I lost mine..." Once again he was kicked out but this time he had a hair of an innocent young girl.  
The witch doctor stirred the hair into her Potion of Life....or DID she? Sadly, she was losing her eyesight and grabbed the wrong bottle, for when Kirk awoke he began to...uh....show affections for Bluto, who was completely disgusted and mortified by this dire situation he was in.  
Queen walked out of rehearsal and was shocked and heartbroken by what she saw.

Then the Queen went to a public bathroom stall to throw up, exposing her long black boots, short black leather minidress, and black stockings. But that's a different story altogether. (Read the new edition of Nuvo or your favorite Creative Loafing type tabloid for the real story.)

Meanwhile, Ah-nuld Morphaneggar returned, switching personalities every five minutes.  First he was Conan, then the Terminator, then Mr. Freeze, screaming "Yah're naht pooteeng ME in da coo-lah!"

He couldn't stop morphing..."I'll be bahk, and it's not a TOO-MAH!"

Well no one really cared about him anyway and just then his niece Gretta's monster came and chased him away.

And there was much rejoicing.

Well anyway, now on to scene twenty-four, which is a lovely scene, of course. No, there are no Austrians in this one, but if you read closely I believe there are a few Russians...

*AUUUUUUUUUGH*

Oh, right, scene 24. Well with the gay little skaters gone, Bluto and Kirk now had to face wrath of the Mystic. The Mystic and the Queen schemed for what seemed like hours, until finally they decided on the proper punishment. It was of course....the dreaded CANON AT THE 9TH!!! (or whatever it's called) Whatever shall they do? What will become of them? What will become of their hairbrush??

The Queen and the Mystic started to sing the Canon of the 9th. Their voices were shrill and cacophonous. Bluto's and Kirk's heads started to swell as they scurried to find some earphugs. But alas, their heads exploded in sync. The Supreme Beings were satisfied with their punishment.  

(Rhoda you COMPLETELY screwed that up!)

That is, they were happy for a short while.  Because then the Queen realized how much she would miss the two fighting to become heir to the throne.  Luckily, she had a Mystic for a sister, who was able to bring Bluto and Kirk back to life.  The Queen was so happy she decided to take them to a bar to celebrate.
Well the Queen was about to order drinks for the 3 of them, but suddenly Kirk, pointing to the door, shouted "Look!"  Two men walked into the bar.  Then a third man came, yet he ducked.  Another man walked into the bar, and asked for a screwdriver.
"OH!" said the Queen.  "Let us not trouble ourselves with such petty things."  So she ordered the drinks. OH WHAT HORROR! She ordered 3 Double Canons on the Ninth.  
DOUBLE CANON ON THE NINTH OH NO IT CAN'T BE!!!!
However, Bluto took one sip and said, "Hey...this tastes like...like..." He took another sip. "Like Coca-Cola..."
Now the nightmare was beginning! Even though the Mystic had begged numerous times not to bring this character into the story, it was happening! A knight in pink armor rode up to the bar.  Yes, it was he, Sir Coker.  
There was a duck who enjoyed to annoy the bartender by always asking for grapes.  However, when the pink knight showed up, the duck was in total awe.  This duck, who weighed the same as a witch, walked up to him and said, "Quack....aaaah.....may.....I have....your.....AUTO-GRAPH?"
"HUH-uh!" said Sir Coker, quickly shaking his head, so as to let his thick shaggy hair wave gloriously.
Meanwhile all those in the bar were going hysterical.  And the Mystic went into the deepest state of catalepsy that she had ever been in.

Because poor CrazyRacoonGurl had screwed up so badly, QueenAmenRa totally threw down on her...and this quickly turned into the hottest sister-on-sister catfight ever to be caught on Candid Camera!  ;D

But when Wombert picked up CrazyRacoonGurl and used her to beat QueenAmenRa over the head, everyone agreed that sister-on-sister-on-sister fights were no fun.   :(

So in walked the two scantily dressed foxes from the Miller Lite commercial. The blonde chick yelled "Great taste!' will the sexy brunette barked, "Less filling!" And soon the Queen, the Mystic, Wombert, Bluto and Kirk all joined in, with Bluto Wombert and the Queen taking the blonde's POV, while the Mystic, Kirk and Rice Cube sided with the brunette. Meanwhile, crazyracoongurl just sat in the back of the bar, incredulous of how such a good catfight degenerated into a mud-slinging beer brawl.

After a while, the group got tired and said, "why don't we all just make out?" and each person paired up with one that they were fighting against.  Crazyracoongurl just sat there at the bar with her jaw dropped.

http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/traurig/traurig023.gif

The Pope, who was visiting the set at the time, saw the girl-on-girl action in full force and had a heart attack.

Of course, the heart attack was brought on by an acute overdose of Viagra...the pope had planned to join in on the festivities. He thought it would be good for his image to be seen frolicking with a woman, what with all the children issues...

And then CrazyRacoonGurl124 met up with Speedo Boy, who aged 32 years and turned out to be Crazy Don, took one look at him, and said, "Yecch!  This is Crazy Don?  He isn't very good looking, is he?  But I know I'm a crazy gurl!  This is a crazy guy?"

Syncronos magically appears, slaps Crazy Don up-side the head, and promptly disappears again...

LOL!

It turns out that CrazyRacoonGurl124 and her three sisters had every reason to laugh at the monstrosity that was Crazy Don as Don went off to lick his wounds and exit the story…

"Oh, don't feel bad," said Syncronos. "Just think...i coulda given ya a wedgie...oh, what the heck?" With that, Syncronos appears again and gives him an ATOMIC wedgie the likes which have never been seen.

Rice Cube notices that Syncronos has used his Atomic Wedgie well, and expresses pride at his student's prowess.

Crazyracoongurl is also impressed with Syncronos' strength and chivalry, and goes back to the bar to down another Miller Lite...

And then Indy Gent woke up.  He shook his head, saying, "That was a weird dream!"

Then he threw his sheets in the wash, got out some new ones, and went back to bed.

Meanwhile, back in the bar, the 4 sisters really were getting into a heated argument - over whose job it was to defeat Sir Coker once and for all.

"I would volunteer, but I already got rid of Sir Stoner for you guys," said Wombert.  "It's somebody else's turn."

"Oh enough of this," the Mystic huffed and just got rid of him. (No need for y'all to know how) CrazyRacoonGurl124 thought it was pretty cool that the other board members seemed to like her screen name.  :D

As CrazyRacoonGurl124 sips on her beer, a dizzy kitty whispers a secret in her ear.  "use the power of and all will be able to see your sig pic..."  The kitty, of course, acquired his magical knowledge from The Amazing Mumford.

It seemed that CrazyRacoonGurl and the lads were going to get a long just fine, as long as they had an ample supply of Miller Lite ;)

And as long as they didn't start up the "Tastes Great/Less Filling" debate.  (Not because CrazyRacoonGurl124 had such a strong opinion, but because she didn't know - being blonde, and all.)

The beautiful slumbering Mystic awakeneth, and seeth the delirious authors revelling in their ignorance, and laugheth them to scorn.

Here amusement, however, is cut short as she further observes the personnal affairs of the nagging sisters.  The Racoon-girl has walked of with a mysterious tall man, who, as they step into a brief ray of light, is revealed as the one and only...Paul Reubens...?

The Queen followeth her unfortunate and quirky taste for the skater-kind.  She findeth a young skater with a particular protrusion of the nose, who undoubtedly hath been attracted by her tall, slender figure, seeing he looketh with contempt upon "half-sizes..."

The Wombert, in the most distressful quest of all, hath begun to launch her personal vendetta on all Hill-billies in the Midwest who, in their utter simplity, dare to promote themselves as public advocates in the interest of educational advancement...

After the Mystic's lungs were emptied from all the "eths", Rice Cube offered her an ice cold Miller Lite so she could just lay back and enjoy the moment ;)

Although, one might add, Rice Cube prefers not to drink lite beers.  So in addition to the Miller Lite, to be part of the festivities, Rice ordered a Sam Adams Winter Lager ;)

Unfortunately for Rice Cube, however, that was the worst thing he could possibly have done.  Not only did the Mystic abhor alcoholic beverages of all kinds, she mistook his kindness for an attempt to throw off her blood sugar levels.  She swung the bottle at his head...

...and Rice ducked just in time.  The bottle shattered against the wall.

The Mystic, suddenly inspired, pondered a quest of her own: perhaps she could rid the world of alcohol!

It was futile, just like any other endeavor in which she engaged.  As much as she ate, she was never filled; no sooner would she gain wealth than it would slip through her fingers; she could not even do something so simple as to knit a sweater, for it was always and inexplicably unraveled from the other end.

And so, realizing the futility of her purpose, the Mystic resigned herself to remain, as ever, a mere observer of the world, and to leave the more exciting quests to her younger sisters...

The four sisters were sick of all these alcohol......eh.....situations.
So the Mystic conjured up her powers and attempted to transported the 4 of them (including herself) back in time to a more pleasant place. Sadly, she allowed Sir Coker to distract her, and she was stuck in the present, with alcoholics, lesbians, and scary choir directors named "Steve." She looked into her Ancient Whiffle Ball of Time and Wisdom to see where they had gone, but they were all in a different place!
CrazyRacconGurl was taking a midnight ride with a dark and handsome man of the 18th century. "HEY!" said the Mystic.  "I thought I said Paul REUBENS! Oh well, I guess she'll have fun for a while; 1 if by land and 2 if by sea and all.
The Queen was stuck at a skating rink with......BLUTO AND KIRK HOW DID THEY GET THERE?  Well, the Mystic thought they were having a good time, until she realized that the 3 were only comfortable in half-sizes, yet the dark haired, big schnozed employee of the Skate-A-Rena refused to give them any. He wouldn't even try to tighten any with his special screwdriver, so Bluto shoved the driver up this employee's nose.
Wombert was standing on a stage, wearing hand-me-downs and huge honkin' glasses.  She was being told to spell the word "VANdetta"....or so she THOUGHT!

How would the Mystic save them from these dire situations?
The

Not satified with ending a thread with 69, the Mystic threw her cat into this mess, scratching the entire cast.

Mystic's cat's attention was quickly diverted though, when dizzykitty produced some peanut butter sandwiches...

So now we ask ourselves...what was the moral of this story?  Well, we could talk about individual imaginations...we could talk about prose, about creativity...or we could talk about the comraderie between four sisters, who seem to speak in a language similar to, but unknown to, the language that we laypeople seem to use.  Yes, folks, the moral of this story is about friendship.  But that may be a story for another day.

And the quartet began to sing...

Sisters... sisters...
There were never more devoted sisters!

Lord help the mister
Who comes between me and my sisters,
And Lord help the sister
Who comes between me and my MAN!

CrazyRacoonGurl just scratched her head as the whole thing went right over her head.  :P

But alas she took the advice of the dizzy kitty and they decided to hang out at the bar a little longer, the singing quartet oblivious to them...

But that was too bad, as CrazyRacoonGurl remembered that drinking was bad for your health, and so decided to go find her other 3 sad blisters. Luckily for her she bit into a wall and met a pransome hince, but unfortunately she forgot to slop her dripper. So the Raccoon continued her quest and finally found her sisters at...

...Wombert's house.  They were all sitting on a couch with their eyes glued to the TV.  Without looking up, Wombert said, "They're playing McGyver on TVLand."

CrazyRacoonGurl shrugged, never having been the biggest fan, but in a show of solidarity, she joined her sisters, and together they sat, drooling at the image of a young Richard Dean Anderson...  ;) :-* :D

Until, of course, they realized that he had aged...into a Clint Eastwood look-alike.  Which actually isn't that bad.

So they switched to the Sci-Fi channel to watch Stargate.
And the drooling continued...  :-* :o :D

Meanwhile, QueenAmenRa returned from her ceizure she'd been having since the end of her last post.  
"Stargate what the crap?!!!" she shouted.  She immediately changed the channel to HBO, which was showing a lovely Russell Crowe movie.  This enraged the Mystic! "YOU ASKED FOR IT!" she screamed.
So she transformed the Queen into her 10-yr-old self.  
"What are you doing thou Mystic.........WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOING?!!!!!!!"
"Mua-hahahahahahaha!!!!"  The Mystic popped in an old video tape, which happened to have on it an old opera.....
"Oh NONONONONO!!!!!" the Queen shouted.  She had to sit and listen to the purposely long forgotten tunes of Il Barbiere di Seviglia.  It was terrible, it was terrible, the other board members couldn't get over it for as long as they lived!
Fortunately, even though the Queen could not age herself back to her preferred age, she WAS able to use her powers to do something that would somewhat reverse the curse..... :-/ (that was cheesy, no?) For the only thing worse than a tenor with blue eyeshadow, is a singing Pink Knight.  Oh the horror, the horror! He came just in time for Ecco Ridente in Cielo to sing The Aria of the Syllabus

The Pink Knight magically burst from the screen into reality, singing Icehouse's "Electric Blue" for reasons we don't have to go into.  Then he gave the Queen some medication so she could stop feeling sick, and rode off with the four sisters into the sunset, where they lounged on the side of I-40 as the big trucks went by.

"I-40?!" one sister shouted. "Take us back to good ol' 44.  Oh, how we MISS the lovely fields of nothing.  The numerous toll-booths.  The crappy Oklahoma 'maintenance' zones.  Ah, yes! COUNTRY roads! Take us home..."  
"RHODA!" shouted the other 3 with surprise.  "You NEVER ask a strange man to take you home! ESPECIALLY if he's.....Asian..."

And Aki cried....

The High Exalted Reverend Akira Jackson, an amalgam of Jesse Jackson and apparently some Asian activist named Akira, was not too pleased with the sisters' little epithet, but chose the path of pacifism, even as he sharpened his Blade of Wisdom and stuff like that...

And Speedo Boy/Crazy Don, being laughed at by our four heroines and still smarting after being severely beaten and given an atomic wedgie by Syncronos, exits this story once and for all, fearing that the end is very near!

And indeed, the end was near, for they had finally reached the elusive 20th page...