My wife of 44 years suddenly passed away December 10, 2013. I'm trying to accept the fact that she's not here by my side anymore, I miss her so much, I'm having a very hard time dealing with my grieving.

Hugs to you hot wax.

We've never chatted much on here but I want to say how sorry I am to hear this


It is still very early days for you.  Don't feel that you should be over it at all.  It will take a lot of time. 

Is there someone that you can talk to such as family or a good friend?

Others from here will be along with more words I'm sure

My wife of 44 years suddenly passed away December 10, 2013. I'm trying to accept the fact that she's not here by my side anymore, I miss her so much, I'm having a very hard time dealing with my grieving.



very sorry for your loss...

there is no real way to grieve. everyone has their own process and heals in their own time. My heart goes out to you and I hope you find solace in your happier memories and I hope you soon find peace during the quiet times which must seem so much quieter now...

My wife of 44 years suddenly passed away December 10, 2013. I'm trying to accept the fact that she's not here by my side anymore, I miss her so much, I'm having a very hard time dealing with my grieving.
you have my deepest sympathy!  In my past experience one thing I have learned, each person deals differently!!! While I have not lost a spouse,  I have lost a brother and a father.  Quite frankly, I am not even sure how I "deal" or grieve.  I do know that in both instances I "knew in my heart with a feeling" before I even was told and I just knew (both my mother tried to keep from me right away till I confronted her, both she wondered how I knew...).  When I first knew in my heart, it was like a peaceful knowledge (Andrew is dead.) and not a rush of OMG and panic.  I just knew and it was going to be alright.  I am not sure if it has been my religious beliefs and faith in the good lord that has pulled me threw. Or just my one day at a time approach.  I really do not know!  But I know I do not avoid thinking about them, as I do so often in memories.  But I also do not dwell on their death. (Both were sudden, not a prolonged illness)  I do not remember the date of their death.  I do not have "anniversaries" of their death, etc.  I prefer to remember them living and not dead (I did not ever view the body in either case either... Viewing is something I do not need and would rather not).  I do not think of them as taken from me either.  It is just not a panicked event in my world.  I do cry (and frankly I probably cry a lot) and I am sad!!! But I am not OMG WHY...  In either of their deaths! 
But again!  Everyone grieves differently!  But you got to do what you can to get through it! Eventually you get through it by taking it day by day!  Moment by moment!  You know you have too and you do it!

My wife of 44 years suddenly passed away December 10, 2013. I'm trying to accept the fact that she's not here by my side anymore, I miss her so much, I'm having a very hard time dealing with my grieving.



((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Please except both Carlos & my condolences.


Grief is such a strange beast. There really is no right or wrong way to grieve. We also know that everyone grieves differently and everyone pain is different. I really hate it when people say, "Get over it" because you NEVER get over-you only learn to deal with it. My first encounter with grief was dealing with the death of my first husband. Granted I was filing for divorce but technically I was a widow at the ripe old age of 25. I know that is not the same as losing someone who has been your partner of 44 years. Then about 6 years ago, the grief started to pile up on me-first I lost my beloved grandmother at the age of 99 1/2 years young. About 9 months after that, I lost my oldest sister. Even though I wasn't that close to her, her death put me in such a great depression-one that I'm not too sure that I have really recovered from. Then in 2012, both Carlos & I lost our fathers ON THE SAME DAY!!! & almost a year to the day, I lost my mother.


I do feel like I carry my grief everyday-I NEVER get over it. But, I have learned to deal with it. I tried to occupy my time and my mind with other things-our buying junk & selling antiques business, our new old house, etc. Also, pets do help. Cats & dogs have a great sense of when you need someone to listen, or just to be there. And allow yourself to cry and tell yourself that it is ok to grieve. Like I said, losing my sister was really hard. After about a month, I felt that was long enough to grieve when in fact, it wasn't. I wouldn't allow myself to cry anymore even though I still had a lot more tears left to shed. And if need be, there are grief support groups if you need it. Please feel free to PM either me or Carlos. We are here for you if you need us.



Cat

So sorry for your loss, Hot_Wax.  Everybody else has pretty much said it, you need to grieve in your own way and don't be ashamed to cry.  And, if you need to vent I am a pm away.  Or, you can vent here.  We may not be able to do much but we are willing to listen.

My wife of 44 years suddenly passed away December 10, 2013. I'm trying to accept the fact that she's not here by my side anymore, I miss her so much, I'm having a very hard time dealing with my grieving.


sorry for your loss Hot Wax.  :\'(

In the Jewish religion, we have a thing called that we go to someone's home and we sit "shiva"(which means a period of mourning or grieving) and we sit around in a circle and we discuss the good and bad times of that person. And sometimes relatives would come by and give us refreshments.

My wife of 44 years suddenly passed away December 10, 2013. I'm trying to accept the fact that she's not here by my side anymore, I miss her so much, I'm having a very hard time dealing with my grieving.


I don't know what to suggest, because I've never been in that place where you are now.  So all I can do is offer condolences and say (based on watching my parents watching my grandparents) that it's gonna take time, it's gonna suck, but you'll eventually get through it.  And that knowing that isn't gonna make it suck any less.  You've got friends here.  We've got your back.

My wife of 44 years suddenly passed away December 10, 2013. I'm trying to accept the fact that she's not here by my side anymore, I miss her so much, I'm having a very hard time dealing with my grieving.


:\'(

I haven't lost a spouse, but I know if I did, I would have a very hard time dealing with my grieving. That is normal.
Chances are...no matter how much time passes, and no matter where my new life (without her) would take me, I'd never ever be over it. Ever.

Take one day at a time..one hour at a time on very hard days. and know that you are on a healing journey...a journey that you are in control of and you need to heal in your own time and learn to deal with it in the best way you can.

I'd probably consider a grief counselor for myself if I found it too difficult to handle. That's what they are there for, to help.

I am really very sorry for your loss.  :\'(

Thank you everyone for your kind words, and they do help ease my pain. I'm very sorry for everyone who lost loved ones also and how you handled your personal experiences with your grief. After reading them, I have something to relate my grief to and that also helps me to cope.

It's always nice to think about someone after their passing once in a while, looking through old photo books and having a few laughs.

My sincere condolences to you on the loss of your beloved wife. 

I can only echo what many have already said; there are really no rules for grieving.  When you feel like crying, do it.  If a memory brings a smile - take comfort in it. 

My good thoughts to you.

My sincere condolences to you on the loss of your beloved wife. 

I can only echo what many have already said; there are really no rules for grieving.  When you feel like crying, do it.  If a memory brings a smile - take comfort in it. 

My good thoughts to you.


Crying? yes I do, and a lot of it. Thank God for my kids, we give each other support and my grand daughters make me smile.

Crying? yes I do, and a lot of it. Thank God for my kids, we give each other support and my grand daughters make me smile.


That's a good feeling.  :)

My wife of 44 years suddenly passed away December 10, 2013. I'm trying to accept the fact that she's not here by my side anymore, I miss her so much, I'm having a very hard time dealing with my grieving.


I am so very sorry for your loss.

You can also talk about it with a few friends or friends that knew of that person who had passed away. Like I always talk about my late Brother with my friend Randy who went to a special vocational program with him in the early 90's.

First of all my condolences to Cat (belated as they may be, but still giving my best wishes) and Hot Wax.

I have lost two people who were highly important to me. One was a good friend who was an amateur antique dealer who I spent a lot of time with, he died in 2010 of complications of diabetes, and I grieved for about a year.

The worst was the death of my first love, which was a suicide brought on between long-term depression and spending years expecting me to come back, to the point that whenever she heard something sounding like my truck or the car I planned to buy when we were together or whenever she saw a truck like mine parked somewhere (older-model, beat-up red & white full-size Ford), she got her hopes up that it was me. I am still grieving, possibly even more severely when I recently found out that she had been constantly waiting for me for years. I try to stay positive... it didn't help that her death coincided with the theater release of the film "Brave", since the star character of Brave greatly resembled her and their names started with the same letter.

You can also talk about it with a few friends or friends that knew of that person who had passed away. Like I always talk about my late Brother with my friend Randy who went to a special vocational program with him in the early 90's.


I have been in contact with many of my friends over the past month, they've been calling me and we just talk on the phone about our younger days in high school days and the great times we all had together, it does help, but only for the moment, afterwards I silp back into gazing at the walls and wondering why? and so suddenly, she was healthy without any signs of sickness, one moment we are talking and a few minutes later I find her dead in the bathroom. Grief! the way I feel, there isn't a word created yet for the way I feel. They say time will help heal the wounds in my heart, but will leave a scar for me to always remember my JoAnne. 

Thank you everyone for your kind words, and they do help ease my pain. I'm very sorry for everyone who lost loved ones also and how you handled your personal experiences with your grief. After reading them, I have something to relate my grief to and that also helps me to cope.


Thank you all again for all your support and concern for me, it does help. I read all your replys and personal losses, and I'm very sorry for all of you and your families for hardships and grievings they brought to you.

Next year it would be 20 years since my brother's passing and still we all grieve, friends and family.  :\'(

Sorry for my late reply to your thread, I've been away for awhile.  I just wanted to offer my condolences.  I don't know how I'd deal, there are times that I think of my father-in-law (who we lost last September.)  I try to be realistic in my thoughts about him, he was generally nice to me, but since he lived in California and we lived in Pennsylvania, I'd really only met him on two visits of about a week each (in which he stayed with us both times.)  He wasn't the best father to my husband, as he was growing up, but he did what he could to build a relationship with him as an adult.  We both still miss his phone calls every couple of months in the middle of the night.  I guess what I'm saying is, it's all a learning process.  You might consider checking some books out at the library on grief.