My sister has been dating a man 10 years older than she is who lost his wife 6 months ago and his father 2 months later.  He has 3 young daughters all under the age of 8.  She has been spending all her time with him and has now started taking care of his children while he goes to work.  She has a job that allows her to work from home.  She doesn't talk to her good friends as often and has just become a different person all together since she met him.  He has...money.  I am just concerned that she is in a rebound relationship.  I worry that he is so overcome with grief that he is looking to replace his wife with my sister to lessen his pain.  I can tell she is in love with him, but I think he is just trying to numb the pain of his 2 losses.  They only met 2 months ago.  Will this last or am I being way to overprotective of her?  BTW he still wears his wedding ring.  Its just strange.  ??? ???please let me know what you guys think.

You could be right that this guy is just looking for something/someone to ease his pain. Your sister could also feel empowered because she feels needed. However, as hard as it may be, I really don't think there is anything you can do about it. If you have voiced your concerns to your sister, that is all you can do-and then stand by her. She may need you if things don't work out.


As for how soon is too soon, that is a very hard question to answer. It depends on the individual and the circumstances.  It could be 6 months or less for some people, 6 years for others and some-NEVER! There is no right or wrong answer.

Good luck with that and please, let us know how it goes.



Cat

Yikes...part 2 of my story.  I had a few family friends call me today and ask me if my sister was involved with a married man.  He still wears his wedding ring even though he is dating my sister now for 2 months and his wife has been gone 6 months.  If he is ready to date and move on, why is he still wearing his wedding ring while he is out with my sister to dinner or parties? :-\\ :-\\ :-\\

Yikes...part 2 of my story.  I had a few family friends call me today and ask me if my sister was involved with a married man.  He still wears his wedding ring even though he is dating my sister now for 2 months and his wife has been gone 6 months.  If he is ready to date and move on, why is he still wearing his wedding ring while he is out with my sister to dinner or parties? :-\\ :-\\ :-\\


There could be several reasons why he still wears his wedding ring. My husband, after we got married, developed a cyst on his knuckle. He couldn't take his wedding ring off if he wanted to (short of cutting the ring or cutting the cyst off). It could be something like that. The only way to know for sure is to ask him why.



Cat

Although at first it sounds as though this could be a rebound relationship perhaps it isn't.  Although his wife died six months ago it may be that she was very ill for a long time before that and he did a lot of grieving for her before she actually passed away.

Either way it is your sister's life and, although you can let her know of your concerns, you can't live her life for her, just be around if she needs you to be.

Thank you for the advice.  This man lost his wife suddenly.  She suffered a massive seizure an died minutes later.  I think this man is so overwhelmed with grief and he wants his old life back and to have someone to take care of his children.  I guess all I can do is be there for her. 

Thank you for the advice.  This man lost his wife suddenly.  She suffered a massive seizure an died minutes later.  I think this man is so overwhelmed with grief and he wants his old life back and to have someone to take care of his children.  I guess all I can do is be there for her. 



Just my 2 cents', no personal/professional experience.....

You are *probably* right and sweet to be so concerned.  It does seem like a very short time to step into a new relationship...and we have no way of knowing exactly what he is thinking/feeling.  It could be that he is just taking the easy way of getting someone to take care of him and his kids, maybe he has never been on his own or maybe he really does love her.  My guess (and it is just a guess) is that he is still wearing his ring because he hasn't dealt with his grief head on--but maybe he is afraid to or doesn't know how.  As everyone said, we don't know the specific dynamics at play here.  It is natural for you to be concerned for your sister because you don't want her to be used/taken advantage of, etc.  Just be there for her as best you can.  It has been said, all you can do is voice your concerns.  The rest is up to her.  If she is happy, then be happy for her.  She is lucky to have a caring sister who will be there for her no matter what happens.  Please continue to keep us posted.