I'm a redneck

Ask me anything!!!

I'll start with some easy ones:

What is the proper way to clean and cook roadkill? How do you know if the expired animal is too bad off to salvage?

;D

Ant

When are you ever going to get the truck off those ceement blocks and actually fix the dang thing? :D

There are many roadkill recipies. You have your Roadkill-Kabobs, Roadkill Pot Pie, Roadkill Sandwhiches, Roadkill Stew, Roadkill Stir-Fry, Roadkill Gumbo, Roadkill Soup, and that's just anything you find on the road. Depending on what you actually find there can be hundreds more.

For the sake of example let's say your roadkill treasure is a skunk.

Here are the proper steps in preparing your meal...

1. Pour gasoline on your BBQ grill
2. Throw a match
3. If your grill didn't explode continue to use it, if it did use the microwave.

To clean your roadkill you'll have to first skin it of all hair, gravel, and dirt, eyeballs, nose, teeth, and basically everything that you don't really want to digest. I tried eating it with the tail and I smelled like skunk for a week, maybe that's because I never shower... BUT just a warning remove the tail before cooking. Then use spit (Or if your dog is nearby it's slobber) to clean off the access garbage.

Then cut the skunk into small strips, like bacon, and use the skillet your wife hit you with after sleeping with her sister and place it over the flames.

Wait about 15 minutes, and then flip until the meat is golden brown.

There is no animal to expired to salvage. Roadkill is like wine, it only gets better with age. Flies and maggots add protein.  

When are you ever going to get the truck off those ceement blocks and actually fix the dang thing? :D


Why would I bother doing that? I turned it into a dog house!

Why do they call them "rednecks"?

Do you have more furniture sitting on your front porch than in your house? ???

Why do they call them "rednecks"?


We're called rednecks, because after spending hours out in the sun only wearing our John Deere tractor caps our necks got bright red due to sunburn

Do you have more furniture sitting on your front porch than in your house? ???


Naw... Most of it is scattered thoughout the front lawn

Is it offensive to say "redneck"?  ???

Why would I bother doing that? I turned it into a dog house!
;D

Is it offensive to say "redneck"?  ???


To the people who don't show of their redneckicity proudly.

Ever gone fishing with dynamite?

Ever gone fishing with dynamite?


Of course!
You never lived till you've seen them fish blow out of the water!!!

do you love jesus christ 100%?

do you love jesus christ 100%?


O' Course I Do!
Well... I believe in God, and I believe that God could have a son, and if God had a son he would make his son go around to tell people all of the good things his dad has done. At least that's what I make little Cletus Jr. do...

I live on the top floor of a house and there's a redneck renting the basement. We share a back yard but I don't like going back there because there's crap every where! I went out there a couple of weeks ago and there was a muffler just lying on the grass!
I had a nice little bistro table with a couple of chairs and he disassembled it and leaned it up against our fence too!
(They set up a fire pit in it's place)
There's a table out there that has beer bottles from July on it!
Whenever they use the garden hose (usually to rinse out a cooler) they never put it back on the holder!

My question is: Why don't Rednecks want to have a pretty back yard? -You know, like the ones in Better Homes & Gardens!
They should at least try!

I live on the top floor of a house and there's a redneck renting the basement. We share a back yard but I don't like going back there because there's crap every where! I went out there a couple of weeks ago and there was a muffler just lying on the grass!
I had a nice little bistro table with a couple of chairs and he disassembled it and leaned it up against our fence too!
(They set up a fire pit in it's place)
There's a table out there that has beer bottles from July on it!
Whenever they use the garden hose (usually to rinse out a cooler) they never put it back on the holder!

My question is: Why don't Rednecks want to have a pretty back yard? -You know, like the ones in Better Homes & Gardens!
They should at least try!


The easy answer is... We're damn lazy.
Look at all of what you listed above.

1. The muffler was in the grass because we might need it later. Perhaps not for the car it was used for before, but for something else.
2. The reason he disesmbled it was because it got in the way of other things he may need (such as a fire pit) perhaps he enjoys bonfires and needs a place to throw them, and the bistro got in the way.
3. Beer bottles are a collectable, cans rust and are trash, but people sell old beer bottles that are cleaned out, at souviner stores and whatever.
4. Why would we bother putting back a garden hose that we're just going to use again in the future anyways. Since it's out already, and nothing bad is going to happen to it while it's out there, why go though all of that hassle? At least he washed his cooler which is more than what I can say about some of us.

Well there's your answer. Hope that helps.

You crack me up dude.  I grew up in redneck parts of O-Hi-o and can vouch for everything he says.  He is preaching to the choir on this one.  ;D
This is now one of my favorite threads.

I guess those patio lanterns he's got set up will become Christmas lights then?

Unless he recently moved in the Christmas lights should already be up from last Christmas

Do rednecks recycle or care about the environment?

http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A9gnMimhFvhG8YABOA.jzbkF/SIG=13ggnmq4d/EXP=1190750241/**http%3A//www.fiestafestwrestling.com/images/profiles/wrestlers_profiles_pics_jimmywangyang.jpg


His name is Jimmy Wang Yang,He's a "resident Redneck". ;D^

Do rednecks recycle or care about the environment?


Ha! Are you kidding?

That's all I have to say about that...

http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A9gnMimhFvhG8YABOA.jzbkF/SIG=13ggnmq4d/EXP=1190750241/**http%3A//www.fiestafestwrestling.com/images/profiles/wrestlers_profiles_pics_jimmywangyang.jpg


His name is Jimmy Wang Yang,He's a "resident Redneck". ;D^


He looks more Brokeback then Redneck to me...

have you ever successfully made it through an entire rock concert without screaming out a frenzied request to hear "freebird"?

have you ever successfully made it through an entire rock concert without screaming out a frenzied request to hear "freebird"?


Funny story about this one...
My friends drug me to a Power Metal concert, and while everybody else was shouting out some random song I didn't know I yelled out "Free Bird"
Sadly I didn't get to hear a Power Metal version of this song, and the band looked at me like I was insane, but at least I got a look which is something I guess...

Ha! Are you kidding?

That's all I have to say about that...


I thought you'd be creative and say something like You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck! or
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_apr2007/RubberDucky.htm
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_oct2006/RedneckWoodStove.htm

I thought you'd be creative and say something like You might be a redneck if you recycle motor oil by moving it from the car to the truck! or
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_apr2007/RubberDucky.htm
http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_oct2006/RedneckWoodStove.htm


When did you break into my house and take those pictures?
That'll cost yeh 50 bucks
I want all fiddy of those deer delivered right to my trailer.

that rubber duck made from tires is truly beautiful. seriously. that is a work of art.

makes me proud to be an american. :\'(

that rubber duck made from tires is truly beautiful. seriously. that is a work of art.

makes me proud to be an american. :\'(


Thank you
It was a challange to make
So many tires... So many tires...

He looks more Brokeback then Redneck to me...


He's a Chinese Guy who portrays a texan. ::)

How many Chicken in a bread pan picken' out dough do you currently have?  ;D 

Is there gonna be barn dance anytime in the near future?  Do you have hay rides when it starts getting colder?  I'll betcha McDonalds still ain't come out in them sticks, now, did they?  (I can remember when they built the first Burger King, then McDonald's in our town a year later), we were all so excited.  We all lined up waiting to get in.  You almost had to have reservations!  ;D

How many Chicken in a bread pan picken' out dough do you currently have?   ;D 

Is there gonna be barn dance anytime in the near future?  Do you have hay rides when it starts getting colder?   I'll betcha McDonalds still ain't come out in them sticks, now, did they?  (I can remember when they built the first Burger King, then McDonald's in our town a year later), we were all so excited.  We all lined up waiting to get in.  You almost had to have reservations!   ;D




(A tornado wiped out my Internet Connection for awhile, right now I'm using my satalite dish in order to send this message)

Your answers are.....

1. Technically 3 and a half (perhaps more). You see one of my chicken's has two heads due to living too close to the raditation plant. Another one of my chickens is pregnat, and the last chicken... Well he's normal, but he has a higher IQ than my son.

2. Sadly no. We were supposed to have on this weekend, but the tornado not only took out my Internet, but also took out my barn. Dammit!

3. Yes, Halloween is a perfect time for hayrides. I usually take the kiddies thoughout town on my tractor while my retarded brother Cledus dresses up as a vampire and leaps onto the trailer part of the tractor. It's a blast!

4. Nope, but we do have Hickdonalds, which serves many differnet kinds of roadkill sandwhiches. Hickdonalds is a lot like McDonalds, we pay our employees next to nothing, we have a drive-thru made specificly for tractors and semi trucks, we have a clown (although he's nothing like Ronald) he's the a member from Insane Clown Possee, who realized his band sucked and came to work for us instead.

Well... "Keep sending me your questions, and I'll keep making fun of you." - As to quote Strong Bad.

How do rednecks pick-up women?

How do rednecks pick-up women?


Great question

Normally we're the only guy in our couisn's life thus we're the only guy she goes out with.
But on some occasions she may have a brother or another couisn who wants to go outh with her.
If that is the situation we battle to the death with our boomsticks, it saves a lot of fueding in the long run.
She goes out with and eventually marries the survivor.
This is very rare, because usually rednecks are not only children and we have plenty of couisns to date.
So our redneck traditions of wooing the opposite sex are very different than our wealthy nothern relatives.
While we still off pretty women drinks at the bar, these drinks are usually moonshine.

Here are a few redneck pick-up lines, if indeed the redneck is an only child and has no couisns or a sister to impregnate, or perhaps the kinky bastard likes to explore outside of family...

1. Did you just fart? Because you blew me away!
2. If you was a tree I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.
3. If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.
4. Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

^ Do those lines really work? ^

^ Do those lines really work? ^


Well... It depends in which part of town you're in. In a lot of redneck towns those pick up lines are cute compared to the other things people say.

I just looked out my back window and this is what I saw today! "Can" you explain?
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h154/Brigitte_B/Hill%20billys/hillbillys0041.jpg
<a  blank"><img src="http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h154/Brigitte_B/Hill%20billys/hillbillys0021.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a>
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h154/Brigitte_B/Hill%20billys/hillbillys0061.jpg
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h154/Brigitte_B/Hill%20billys/hillbillys0051.jpg

Let me see if I have this correct.
Some of the pictures are blurry, surry.

1. A gallon of gasoline next to a hammock
2. I don't really know what that this. Looks like a magazine, and a bookbag to me
3. Knocked over lawn chairs

Is this correct? And can y'all tell meh what that middle picture is?

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h154/Brigitte_B/Hill%20billys/hillbillys0021.jpg

This is what the middle picture is.

The middle photo is what it is...it's just been out there for 6 weeks! The one I'm concerned about is the photo with the gas can. Why?
Is it some sort of booby trap?

It is not a booby-trap the the starting formation of a grill

Allow me to explain

First they probably poured the gasoline onto the hammock.
Then they'll light a match and toss it onto the hammock starting an instant roaring fire
Then they'll hang their roadkill from the wire hanging over head.
The meat will dangle and they will rotate it every now and then in order to cook it to perfection.

This is only a one time thing, because the hammock will be gone after wards. So they're probably going to have a large party with plenty of roadkill foodstuffs to feed them all. I don't see why they would do this without having a type of celebration to go along with it. Way too much work if'n y'all ask me.

Do you drive a jacked up 4X4 pickup truck with those balls hanging off the back?


http://sidesalad.net/archives/TruckBalls.jpg

Does it make you mad that Jeff Foxworthy keeps making so many "you might be a redneck" jokes?

Is he still a true redneck or has his redneck card been revoked?

Do you get offended by redneck jokes? ???

Do you get offended by redneck jokes? ???


Nope... Because on the most part, I don't find them funny, because they're just stating the obvious.

Do you drive a jacked up 4X4 pickup truck with those balls hanging off the back?


http://sidesalad.net/archives/TruckBalls.jpg



That truck is a bit too fancy for my tastes... I drive a 4-by-4

Does it make you mad that Jeff Foxworthy keeps making so many "you might be a redneck" jokes?

Is he still a true redneck or has his redneck card been revoked?


Jeff Foxworthy is to redneck, like Will Smith is to rap.
He hasn't been a redneck for years, ever since he became famous and rich he has had his redneck card revoked.

Do you think Larry The Cable Guy is funny?

Larry the Cable Guy is actually my brother. He's much funnier once he steps off stage, I don't know what's up with that.  ;)

Larry the Cable Guy is actually my brother. He's much funnier once he steps off stage, I don't know what's up with that.  ;)


Is he really a Cable Guy so what's his real name? ???

Yes, He actually is a cable guy, but the bass turd never gave us cable yet in our trailer. He's says it's unethical or sumthin like that to give us free cable.
His real name is Larry Stove, but that sounds weird so he changed his name to Larry The Cable Guy.

Yes, He actually is a cable guy, but the bass turd never gave us cable yet in our trailer. He's says it's unethical or sumthin like that to give us free cable.
His real name is Larry Stove, but that sounds weird so he changed his name to Larry The Cable Guy.


What about his films,Are they funny?

I only seen the Health Inspector one, but I would have given it an Oscar myself, brilliant acting, brilliant screenplay, brilliant musical score, the whole thing was perfect and should have brought us home a few Oscars, but noooooo.... Those dern people at the Accademy were too busy oogling over gay cowboys, and midgets with magical rings to give this movie the recongition it deserves!

Do you like Bill Engvall?

He's a pretty entertaining guy. I would say that he's the black sheep of the Redneck clan though, he's kinda like a Redneck Yuppie something that you don't see too often, but it happens.

A couple years ago when I was visiting my parents back in Nebraska, my mom led me outside and said, "Al...you've just got to see this!" We went out back and she pointed to the neighbors' backyard (neighbors who for years have been dragging down the value of my parents' house, if you know what I mean) and she showed me this:

http://i149.photobucket.com/albums/s78/AL-B_photos/IMG_0372.jpg

I just had to get a picture. And just so you know, it hasn't been retouched or Photoshopped or anything, it's the real deal.

My question is this: Can you get any more redneck than that?  ;)

I would like to buy some stuff from that "Yerd Sale" (What a horrible layout... I mean they didn't even try? OR are they actually selling the yard, because there's nothing on it, and it's the only thing in that picture that looks good enough to buy)

I would like to buy some stuff from that "Yerd Sale" (What a horrible layout... I mean they didn't even try? OR are they actually selling the yard, because there's nothing on it, and it's the only thing in that picture that looks good enough to buy)


Well, apparently they had the "Yerd Sale" a few weeks before I took that photo and they'd moved the sign out back.

You really want to buy something from them? Do the whole neighborhood a favor and buy that stupid rusted out 1987 Ford Tempo that's been sitting in their front yard for the last 5 freakin' years and that they're NEVER GONNA FIX.  :P

Hell, buy the whole "yerd" and get those clowns out of there. My parents would love you.  ;D

How long does it take your neck to turn red in the sun?

It was born red (In the sun it actually becomes paler)

How many spitcups have you made out of Mountain Dew cans/Coffee cans?

How deep is the nearest swimmin' hole?  Does it have a rope swing?

What is a hillbilly picnic like?  What kind of vittals are often found there?  Does granny take our her dentures so she can gnaw on the Fried Squab a might easier?  I have a real purdy cookbook I bought a time ago, if you need some new recipes: http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/f6/78/c33b619009a0af13aca15110._AA240_.L.jpg

Some of the fine, fine recipes from the "Eatin on the ground" chapter are such:

Aunt Doe Rae's Rice Puddin
Calleen's Chicken Fried Rabbit and Gravy
Fried Corn
Turnip Greens, Pot Likker, and Cornmeal Dodgers
Franceen's Good Ole Meat
Vada Mildred's Pan Fried Mullet
Mary Lou Gurr's Thump Salad
Viney's Vinegar Pie

How many spitcups have you made out of Mountain Dew cans/Coffee cans?

How deep is the nearest swimmin' hole?  Does it have a rope swing?

The nearest swimmin' hole is actually in the deep woods, animals get pissed off when we swim in it, because it's also their drinkin' hole and they say that we make the water taste bad, yes they actually say it, because the swimmin' hole is right next to the Toxic Waste Dump... During a rain it seeps into the pond, that's why my older brother has an extra foot growing out of his forehead, because my parents fooled around in it as teenagers, and one thing lead to another. The animals seemed to all turn out okay, except that they can, of course, talk, and they can crush trees, buildings, people, and cars with their minds. It used to have a rope swing, but it's not really rope, we tried rope and it burned to a crisp. The swing is made out of rusty metal.

What is a hillbilly picnic like?  What kind of vittals are often found there?  Does granny take our her dentures so she can gnaw on the Fried Squab a might easier?  I have a real purdy cookbook I bought a time ago, if you need some new recipes: http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/ciu/f6/78/c33b619009a0af13aca15110._AA240_.L.jpg

Some of the fine, fine recipes from the "Eatin on the ground" chapter are such:

Aunt Doe Rae's Rice Puddin
Calleen's Chicken Fried Rabbit and Gravy
Fried Corn
Turnip Greens, Pot Likker, and Cornmeal Dodgers
Franceen's Good Ole Meat
Vada Mildred's Pan Fried Mullet
Mary Lou Gurr's Thump Salad
Viney's Vinegar Pie


Those are some great recipies, my mama makes a mean Pan Fried Mullet.
But usually we just take whatever we shot earlier that week, or whatever we pulled off of the interstate, hosed it off, and sauted it in a very delicious sauce (Usually the 'possum gravy).
For an appetizer we have deep fried crawdads, crabgrass salad with Ranch Dressing, pasta salad (It draws the flies even more than regular pasta salad)
For desert we usually cook up some hash brownies, or hash cake, hash brownies, hash cookies, all kinds of hash pastries.
For beverages we drink beer (Moonshine for special occasions)

For entertainment we play horseshoes, lawn darts, go squirrel fishin', or just take an old rusted out car and hand everybody a baseball bat and tell them to smash it up (Certain spots of the car are worth more points than others, for example windshield is worth 5 points, tires 10 points, and engine 20 points)

Have you ever tried "noodling" catfish?  :o :o :o

Catfish noodles?
Hmmmmmm.... Never thought of that one. I've tried noodling several things such as leather, skunk, cat (I was in the mood for Chinese food), and human (Purely an accident involving me being horny and the noodler). Catfish sounds like a very tasty alternative to all of these which none (With exception to cat) turned out edible.

Catfish noodles?
Hmmmmmm.... Never thought of that one. I've tried noodling several things such as leather, skunk, cat (I was in the mood for Chinese food), and human (Purely an accident involving me being horny and the noodler). Catfish sounds like a very tasty alternative to all of these which none (With exception to cat) turned out edible.


Da-yum.

You must have some nasty scars on your arm.  :D

Da-yum.

You must have some nasty scars on your arm.  :D


What arm? I turned it into noodles!  :D

When is raccoon season?  Are there any other "seasons" that you hunt for?

What are you planting in the crop this year?

Do you enjoy blowing things up?  ;D

When is raccoon season?  Are there any other "seasons" that you hunt for?

What are you planting in the crop this year?


Anytime is raccoon season!!! And I do mean anytime!!!

I pretty much hunt fer anything that's I can legally hunt for (That excludes humans, sadly)
But what I really like shooting are fish (It makes the sport so much more difficult since the bullets slow down a lot when they go through water, and they also scatter a lot due to waves if there are any waves)
Opposum is the easiest thing to hunt for since their main mechanism of survival is playing dead, and if they're already dead than I can eat them anyways, so that makes it all the more easy for me.

Tobacco is the only crop I'm planting this year (The cigarette market ain't gettin' my hard earned cash, or at least my not so hard earned welfare)

Do you enjoy blowing things up?  ;D


Yes... Expecially when I'm fishing. Since the bullets normally don't get me many fish I just toss in some dynamite and let that do the work for me.