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These are the messages that have been posted on inthe00s over the past few years.
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This is a topic from the Ask Me, Ask Me, Ask Me forum on inthe00s.
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Subject: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 06/17/06 at 8:29 pm
Hello, fellow afficionados!
This is a thread where you ask me ANYTHING you want, and each answer will be a snappy-yet-comical answer.
Don't believe me? Give it a whirl!
I live for this shtuff- from the absurd to the profound...I have'em all!!!!
So, take your best shots...prepare to have 'em deflected!!!!!!
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Dominic L. on 06/17/06 at 8:44 pm
This seems like a stupid thread, doesn't it?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 06/18/06 at 4:42 am
If it seems like a stupid thread, you're probably drinking the wrong type of coffee.
May I suggest an Italian blend?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Apricot on 06/18/06 at 6:30 pm
Not a big fan of the ladies, are ya, Hawk?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 06/19/06 at 11:29 am
I recognize the line from "Celebrity Jeopardy".
To answer you, I fire off with one of my more favorite bits, with authentic imitations of BOTH Sir Sean, and Alex Trebek:
Trebek: This is the sound a doggie makes. (beep) Sean Connery?
Connery: Moo.
Trebek: That is NOT the sound a doggie makes.
Connery: Well, that's the sound your mother made, last night.
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: DJ Midas on 07/18/06 at 8:11 pm
So does this mean you're getting all your snappy comic comebacks from other sources?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/19/06 at 12:28 am
So does this mean you're getting all your snappy comic comebacks from other sources?
Not exactly. I just reserve my golden remarks for those who have gilt.
However, the fact that this thread has been resurrected, tells me that you are as gaga as a Ghostbuster, and should consider becoming a rutabaga farmer in Venezuela.
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/20/06 at 4:49 am
Hmmmmm.....
Well, I think the question is, are telemarketers mean to YOU?
I mean, they call when you're either in the bathroom, on your way out, or eating.
My suggestion: Get their name, phone #, and the time they do these things, and call them at those times.
Leave a message saying, "Howzat feel?!?!?"
Telemarketers: Society's way of preventing you from getting laid at the right moment.
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Mr Tumnus on 07/20/06 at 7:14 am
Hawk, do mannequin dummies have any thought processes as the stand idly in shop windows?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/20/06 at 12:43 pm
Hawk, do mannequin dummies have any thought processes as the stand idly in shop windows?
Science has proven that some mannequins indeed think.
Females: "God! Why'd they have to make that movie about us? That gave the secret away!"
Males: "C'mon, take me home, ladies! I got somethin' REALLY stiff for ya! ya know ya want it!"
Generic: "Hey, we have feelings too! Don't we deserve a hairstyle, or somehting?????"
If this confuses you, I advise looking at a picture of Margaret Thatcher.
You can get the same effect.
Thank you- drive through!!!
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Foo Bar on 07/20/06 at 9:08 pm
Well, I think the question is, are telemarketers mean to YOU?
In Soviet Union, YOU are mean to TELEMARKETERS!
(What a country!)
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/20/06 at 10:26 pm
In Soviet Union, YOU are mean to TELEMARKETERS!
(What a country!)
Yes. In grocery store, I see powdered milk. Add water, get milk.
Powdered orange juice- add water, get orange.
Then, I saw baby powder!
(What a country!! *bad imitation of Horschak on "Welcome Back Kotter" laughing*)
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Mr Tumnus on 07/25/06 at 5:58 pm
'Do you spend your cash on looking flash?'
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/25/06 at 7:01 pm
how many licks does it take to get.. to the center of the earth?
For that, I must consult my magic Elvis 8-Ball.
Hmmmmm....says here, "Answer cloudy. Bring me fried chicken, and try again".
'Do you spend your cash on looking flash?'
I use my scrip to look so hip.
But I don't spend cash, if you ration dat...asset!
Fa drizzle, fo shizzle, loppa-dizzle!
(I hope my new 'English-To-Snoopeze' tape worked!)
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: whistledog on 07/25/06 at 7:04 pm
O chumbo est
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/25/06 at 8:40 pm
HEY!
First- Me habla Taco Bell.
Second- Do I insult your mother?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Dominic L. on 07/25/06 at 9:08 pm
O chumbo est
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/25/06 at 10:55 pm
I'm sorry, Whistledog- All questions must be submitted in writing. Thank you- drive through!
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Mr Tumnus on 07/26/06 at 3:46 am
For that, I must consult my magic Elvis 8-Ball.
Hmmmmm....says here, "Answer cloudy. Bring me fried chicken, and try again".
I use my scrip to look so hip.
But I don't spend cash, if you ration dat...asset!
Fa drizzle, fo shizzle, loppa-dizzle!
(I hope my new 'English-To-Snoopeze' tape worked!)
Do you like Adam and the Ants?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Dominic L. on 07/26/06 at 10:00 am
Why am I so awesome?
No.
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: whistledog on 07/26/06 at 1:42 pm
I'm sorry, Whistledog- All questions must be submitted in writing. Thank you- drive through!
But where's the fun in that :P
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/26/06 at 4:00 pm
Do you like Adam and the Ants?
Actually, there are some good tunes that Adam & the Ants did. I especially like:
-Whip In My Valise
-Beat My Guest
-Strip
-Puss 'n Boots
So, I guess a short answer is "Yes". Do you like Adam & the Ants, Hawk, the Slayer, or movies involving saunas & soft cheese?
Why am I so awesome?
Because of your psychedelic dress sense, which makes up for all the cheesy songs you wrote about planting trees.
But where's the fun in that :P
Ahhh, Clarice...YOUR trouble is, you need to get more fun out of life.
Try some fava beans, and a nice chianti!
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Mr Tumnus on 07/26/06 at 5:03 pm
Do you identify with your avatar at all?
who is infact the 'Dandy Highwayman' himself, from Stand and Deliver
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: KKay on 07/26/06 at 6:08 pm
How can I learn to to use snappy comebacks in daily conversation? My friends seem to be losing interest in me.
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: Dominic L. on 07/26/06 at 6:09 pm
How can I learn to to use snappy comebacks in daily conversation? My friends seem to be losing interest in me.
It always takes me a minute or two to think of one. :(
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: KKay on 07/26/06 at 6:10 pm
How can I learn to to use snappy comebacks in daily conversation? My friends seem to be losing interest in me.
My water cooler chat just isnt what it used to be. What can I do to spice things up at work?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/26/06 at 6:45 pm
Do you identify with your avatar at all?
who is infact the 'Dandy Highwayman' himself, from Stand and Deliver
It's not a question of if I identify with anyone/thing, it's 'do they identify with me?'
In this case, it's more of a "What can I settle for, that no one will sue me about?"
The Dandy Highwayman is, in fact, the Doctor. (He had to raid his Wardrobe Room, after a questionable night with a Deltan Slave Girl on Vesta 95. He still has no idea where the rubber contortionist doll came from.)
How can I learn to to use snappy comebacks in daily conversation? My friends seem to be losing interest in me.
My guess is you're not getting enough foreign foods in your diet.
Personal suggestions include a good Greek souvlaki, some Cajun gumbo, and a pint of Passionfruit cognac.
(If none of these work for you, eat some Tobasco sauce. Your friends will appreciate this.)
My water cooler chat just isnt what it used to be. What can I do to spice things up at work?
At the risk of sounding a tad crass...have you tried a hot-pink pushup bra, and some stiletto heels?
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: KKay on 07/26/06 at 6:48 pm
Personal suggestions include a good Greek souvlaki, some Cajun gumbo, and a pint of Passionfruit cognac.
(If none of these work for you, eat some Tobasco sauce. Your friends will appreciate this.)
At the risk of sounding a tad crass...have you tried a hot-pink pushup bra, and some stiletto heels?
yes, just not at work.
i'll combine the outfit with the gumbo. just for safe measure.
Thanks, Mr. Snappy Comeback! :)
Subject: Re: Hawk, the Slayer's Snappy Comic Comebacks: Just Ask!
Written By: HawkTheSlayer on 07/26/06 at 6:50 pm
Another satisfied customer....aw, who cares!
To quote Dr. Denis Leary: "Shut the ^&!# up! Next!"